RIP Luigi (1983-2018)

RIP Luigi (1983-2018)
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Luigi Mario, best known to friends and family as Luigi, died yesterday at the age of 35. He is survived by his fraternal twin brother, Mario, and his son, Waluigi.

Born and raised in Flatbush, Brooklyn, Luigi had worked as a plumber, a tennis player, a ghost hunter, a doctor, a golfer, a martial artist, a basketball player and a race kart driver. He was taller than his brother, yet often lived in Mario’s shadow, a heartbreaking irony that would haunt Luigi for the entirety of his short life.

Although Luigi was often called a coward, his accomplishments were so vast that the world celebrated his 30th birthday by declaring 2013 the Year of Luigi, a time of joy, honour and worldwide peace. Most countries celebrated the Year of Luigi by holding festivals in his honour, and many have argued that it marked the final moments of happiness in the modern era.

The following year showed us a darker side of Luigi, as he grew angry and vengeful, becoming best known for his horrible stare. Friends and family members point out that he never quite recovered after the Year of Luigi, which he viewed as the peak of his career.

Luigi’s life was tragically cut short late yesterday while he was exploring a haunted castle and ran into a ghastly incarnation of Death, who cut the soul out of the plumber’s body with a scythe. He is now dead.

Funeral arrangements for Luigi will be announced in the coming days.

Comments

  • Nasty. Really fucking nasty. Why would they do this? ‘Let’s freak the shit out of a bunch of kids (and even adults) who love our characters.’

  • What a bunch of pearl-clutching nonsense. Anything else is worth more time worrying over than the millionth time a nintendo character has been ghostified.

    Did richie rich ruin children when he died and became casper? Come on!

  • Luigi Mario, best known to friends and family as Luigi, died yesterday at the age of 35. He is survived by his fraternal twin brother, Mario, and his son, Waluigi.

    No mention of his daughter? For shame!

  • One down and the rest of Nintendo’s uninspired and dated roster of very, very tired characters remain…Come on scythe, keep the cull coming!!

  • What the fuck?! Luigi’s is dead after his soul got slashed away by the Grim Reaper himself called Death?!
    Come on people Luigi has more upcoming games to appear so for fuck’s sake he cannot be dead he is still alive and he’s got more games appearing both later this year and next year and they include the GameCube remake of Luigi’s Mansion for the Nintendo 3DS and Mario and Luigi Bowser’s Inside Story plus Bowser Jr’s Journey that’s coming out next year.
    Don’t you people get the message Mario was killed by Ridley first and then Mega Man before Luigi was the next person to be killed. So get ahold of yourselves people Luigi is still alive and no we are not going to Luigi’s funeral in the coming days now give us a different piece of news and show some fucking respect for Luigi he is still alive and he’s got more upcoming games soon.

    • Depends how you look at it. He was created as “bad Luigi”, so you could say he spawned from Luigi in a creative sense. In which case he’s Luigi’s spawn, i.e. his son.
      Or it’s a small joke in a pile of satire. Take your pick.

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