My Quest To Be Gay In Assassin's Creed Odyssey's Ancient Greece

Screenshot: Assassin’s Creed Odyssey, Ubisoft

Ever since it was revealed that you could have same sex romances in Assassin’s Creed Odyssey, I’ve been chomping at the bit to be gay in ancient Greece. It’s turned out to be harder than I thought.

In the fifth grade, my school went whole hog on ancient Greece. In our overstuffed school, we called the outdoor, temporary classrooms “The Acropolis” and we were all assigned to groups named after different Greek cities. As a bonafide nerd, I was an Athenian.

This was also one of the first times that I learned that, historically, being not-straight didn’t used to be a horrible stigma. I’d recently had my first crush and my first period, and also had some confusing feelings about my then best friend. Learning about Greece and its culture was something I’d call back on as it became increasingly clear that I wasn’t straight.

As soon as I learned that in the new Assassin’s Creed I could both play as a woman and also romance women, I knew I was going to do it. It was like a gift for my confused ten year old self. Little did I know how hard it would be to find someone to actually fuck me.

As soon as I could wrest myself away from the main storyline I began looking for quests that would end in romance. I rode all over Kephallonia on my horse looking for a woman who was DTF.

I had zero luck.

When it came time to leave the island, I figured I’d have better chances. It’s all a numbers game, right? Well, it proved just as difficult.

I’d meet women that were gay, but not ones that wanted to have sex with me, specifically. The pirate who was looking for her lost ship and lost lover? Gay as hell.

But when I came back with the proof that her ship was destroyed and her lover was dead, she was interested in joining my crew, but not joining me in bed. I knew she must be devastated, but what better time to cosy up to a warm body? What, is she in mourning or something?

As I was lamenting my fate, I came across an old woman who also couldn’t get the person she wanted to fuck to fuck her. She’d taken many lovers, but what she really wanted was her husband, who couldn’t keep up with her. I was sympathetic and tracked down some bear testicles and a deer tongue for a potion she wanted to make.

The gods smiled upon me: I found an already dead bear and ganked its balls, and then while stalking a deer watched it freak out at something and run headlong into a tree, killing itself. Score.

Once I had the bear testes and deer tongue, her husband outright refused to drink anything made from that. Understandable! But this lady was still horny. Then, for the first time ever, I got the option to romance someone. This old lady was not just down, she was actively soliciting me for sex.

Dear reader, I smashed that.

It wasn’t how I envisioned it, but I was finally able to be gay in ancient Greece. Turns out you find love in the unlikeliest of places.


Comments

    I’d recently had my first crush and my first period, and also had some confusing feelings about my then best friend.

    Sigh... this isn't the Dr. Nerdlove column, Gita...

    Yuck.

    Not the gay part. You do you. But playing a video game in a desperate quest for virtual sex?

    Yuck.

      Ummmm have you played the Witcher? or the later Mass Effects? Or Dragon Age: Origins?

        Those are typically the games I'm referring to.

        And the tiny but extremely vocal fanbase who threatens to boycott a game if it doesn't allow them to sex everyone in their party.

          And we still didn't get a Krogan Romance!!!

            You don't romance a Krogan, you strap yourself in and feel the G's.

    Geezus. Are you kidding? I up until I found two male characters willing to bone Kassandra, I could've sworn that AC: Odyssey was damn near forcing me to be gay. I casually banged like a good dozen chicks up to that point. (My rule was 'never turn down an opportunity to smash'. Which I rescinded immediately on completing the Silver Isles, which turned out godawfully horrible.)

    Odessia, Bear testicle lady, freaky skank priestess, pirate (there's another one), gladiator, rebel leader, etc, etc. Up until I met Alkibiades, I thought there weren't any male options at all.

      I wanted to bed the spartan commander after our first victory. Sadly, not an option.

    Gotta admit, I've been playing it enthusiastically waiting for some Spartan dude action

    Odessa. One of the first side quests you can do before you even depart for the rest of Greece. Kyra. Xenia.

    There are a number of characters you can romance as a female player. It was one of the main draw cards for me, playing as a female Assassin and the same sex romances were just icing on the cake.

    Now imagine if a male wrote this article.

      A gay guy writing an article and trying to get his funk on in Ancient Greece? Sounds like a cool idea actually :)

        Make a joke all you want but you would be one of the first persons to flip their shit if a male author wrote an article about how he was crusing to find females DTF.

          Pretty sure that Mike Fahey and maybe Jason Schrier? have talked about pursuing sexual relationships with females when reviewing the sort of games that allow that. No shitstorm has ensued. You may believe otherwise but liberals and progressives are pretty sex-positive, as long as everything is happily consensual.

          Maybe you are so cynical because people are more hysterical and with less reason in your head than they are in reality.

            Not sure what you were trying to accomplish with that last sentence other than troll but you do you mate.

              Not sure why would you think it's a troll. Your comments in every thread regarding stuff that you associate with "SJWs" are full of bitter cynism and sarcasm (and downvotes, so many downvotes). So, yeah, it's a genuine suggestion: just like with what you posited above which is demonstrably untrue, maybe all these "SJWs" are not as awful as the one you picture in your head. Maybe, if you engage them without hostility or mockery (or downvotes in lieu of arguments) you'd find at least enough common ground to respect them as human beings, even if an agreement cannot be reached.

          haha Go for it if you really want to digitally get your wild thang on

    Forgive me for being "that guy", Gita, but I have been fighting a battle over this phrase for years. The words you’re after are "champing at the bit", not "chomping". I’m not pointing it out to be critical, just thought you might like to know. Rock on!

    Good on you. I played Mass Effect Andromeda as a sapphic Femshep and I ended up in a committed relationship with Peebee. That was pretty good.
    Just started RDR2. I don't think I am that way inclined to go full Brokeback Mountain but interested to see what the romance options are like.

    Bravo! I love your dedication to getting some clit

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