Hey, it’s Toad, loyal pal of Princess Peach and Mario. Who doesn’t love Toad? What are you up to, buddy? How’s it hangin- Oh. Oh no.
This clip of someone seemingly stomping on Toad’s whole dick — which, as long as we’re opening this Pandora’s Box, probably has its own little face — comes to us courtesy of Nintendo’s official Line account.
Line is a messaging service that’s popular in Japan but also available in North America. Nintendo’s advertising on Line often includes a green Toad who’s appeared alongside characters in games such as Undertale and Final Fantasy 10 in those games’ art styles. It’s charming! Kinda.
Never once, however, have I thought, “Wow, I sure do want to learn more about Green Toad.” Never once have I said, “I wonder if Green Toad enjoys dick torture.”
This week, Nintendo answered the question no one asked. As part of a Green Toad-themed promo for the new Nintendo Labo VR kit, which came out yesterday, Nintendo showed off a cardboard Toad getting stomped on and making a series of deeply uncomfortable noises.
Supposedly, he was doing sit ups, as evidenced by the image of a super buff Green Toad that appeared immediately afterwards. The internet, however, had other ideas.
— Nintendo Life (@nintendolife) April 12, 2019
Did I just watch Toad getting jacked off https://t.co/F0JSbwKFhw
— Ted (@ExandShadow) April 12, 2019
Me: Toad had some weird fetishes....
— Mr.C-NES (@Mr_C_NES) April 12, 2019
Ballstepping videos got even kinkier, huh. https://t.co/eIcWpDJR3T
— Jim Sterling (@JimSterling) April 12, 2019
After that comparison Stormy Daniels made, Toad has had a pretty bad reputation. Oh well, that wound is starting to heal.
— Robert Weiss (@CynicalWeiss) April 12, 2019
— Justin Epperson (@sprsk) April 12, 2019
Kick Toad in the nuts and he’ll become a buff stud! My favorite Nintendo game
— Tgauker97 (@GaukerTimothy) April 12, 2019
With Nintendo VR, you can fully immerse yourself in a world where Toad wants you to humiliate and step on him pic.twitter.com/6xmur6AN1F
— Cart Premium (@CartridgeGames) April 12, 2019
i think we need to be open to the possibility that he only *asks* to be called Toad https://t.co/EW7YK6RWQQ
— bigfoot is meat and bone (@50TurnParty) April 12, 2019
me helping toad work out but he keeps saying weird shit like "yeah step harder HARDER O K A Y" pic.twitter.com/ExT0SUhXhj
— DesertPogona (@DesertPogona) April 12, 2019
I'm not sorry. pic.twitter.com/2rBwbQy8ss
— Tealgamemaster #SaveYourInternet (@tealgamemaster) April 12, 2019
— Rae (@RaeMoonlight) April 12, 2019