Maybe Don’t Put The Goose In Smash?

Maybe Don’t Put The Goose In Smash?
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I’ve seen a lot of people asking over the past week for The Goose to be put in Smash Bros. I don’t know if that’s a very good idea.

I mean, I admire the passion! But you’re not thinking this through, for a number of reasons:

1) Pump your brakes. The internet can jump so hard and fast on things that it can squeeze all the joy out of them. Let the Goose breathe a little! The Goose is good and fun, but Goose is also a multiplatform release that’s been out for a week.

Waluigi would like a word about both those points.

2) Is Smash really the best game for The Goose? The Goose’s strengths are that it is a sneaky, scheming, malevolent force. Smash is a hectic, explosive, fast-paced exercise in shit-talking and fast reflexes. I don’t know how much of what makes The Goose so good and fun would translate well to Smash.

3) If you must ask the internet for The Goose to appear in Nintendo games, maybe Mario Kart or Mario Party are more appropriate? This may slightly undermine my above point, since they are both games that deviate from Goose Game’s core design, but they are also games for petty arseholes, and The Goose is an arsehole first and foremost.

4) You’re not thinking big enough! Asking for The Goose to appear in Smash is a reflex action, understandably born of a desire to see more Goose x Nintendo interaction, but we live in an age where Nintendo is letting Western developers get wild with its own IP (see Cadence of Hyrule).

I don’t want to see The Goose in Smash. I’ve constructed this entire post as an excuse to say I want the opposite. I want developers House House to be handed the keys to a Nintendo world/character and given the chance to work their magic with it.

Here’s my unsolicited pitch: imagine the hijinx of Untitled Goose Game… but it’s Waluigi, who now has the Mushroom Kingdom equivalent of a YouTube channel, and he’s lurking around pranking Mario and Luigi and Peach and Toad and everyone else, ruining their days, wrecking their shit.

Imagine his goofy big legs trying to sneak through Luigi’s house, putting a bucket of water over a doorframe then rubbing his hands with glee as he saunters out the back door.

Imagine hiding in the bushes as Toad walks past, carefully balancing a tray of birthday cupcakes, and at the perfect moment pressing a button not to HONK, but to WAAAAAAAAAAAAA. The cupcakes go flying, Toad shrieks, then cries, Waluigi jogs off twirling his moustache, laughing his arse off.

It would be the best. And everyone could stop asking for Walugi to be put in Smash because they’d realise that, like The Goose, he doesn’t need to be. He’d have his own place to shine.


  • But you’re not thinking this through, for a number of reasons I don’t think you’ve thought it through either, especially since we already have Solid Snake in the game, a character who is both known for his stealth and propensity for mischief and mayhem. (Depending on how you play) And what is Smash but a gathering for scheming, sneaky, malevolent forces? Characters are innocent and heroic in their respective games, but thrust into the chaos of Smash, none are above resorting to cheap and devious tactics to win.

    Besides, it’s air is of a bird, your argument is invalid.

    • We could have both things! Goose gets in Smash and Nintendo does a Crypt of the Necrodancer-style deal where House House makes a Waluigi spin-off game. Everyone wins.

  • I say put Smash in Untitled Goose Game. Just an area with all the Smash characters relaxing after their big brawl, unwittingly about to be terrorised.

    • That’s not bad. Make the plumbers switch hats. Get the bounty hunter out of her power suit. Assemble the triforce. “Gotta catch ’em all” (collect all the pokemon trainer’s pokeballs)… There’s plenty of fun to be had there.

  • I reckon the Goose could work as an assist trophy who chases the closest opposing character. It never deals any damage, but if the Goose is targeting you, and you’re within pecking distance, your character uncontrollably runs away from the goose.

    Also, yes, a Waluigi stealth/prank game would be awesome.
    Probably better than my Superstar Saga type RPG idea where Waluigi hypnotises/teams up with Luigi (aka Mr L, aka Green Lightning a la Super Paper Mario) and Daisy (with a similarly black-accented costume change) on a quest to wreck the days of Mario, Peach and Bowser (and maybe Wario) respectively.

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