Troll Your Mates With These Joke Holiday Gifts

troll giftsImage: Getty

Sometimes, gift giving can feel redundant, particularly for the friend who has it all. In those situations, there's a simple, cheap solution. If you can't get them something they'll value, then get them something that'll make them laugh. Here's a few ridiculous ideas for joke gifts to get you started.

Poo Pen

Yep, it's a pen made of fake poo. It's hideous. It's disgusting. Definitely buy this for your friends, who you love dearly. At $15, it's not uber expensive, but it's just ridiculous enough to get a laugh out of anyone. Sure it's destined for the bin, but it'll leave some wonderful memories on its way down.


Xbox Logo Light... for a PlayStation User

This $38 Xbox light is actually pretty nifty! If you're an Xbox user. But wouldn't it be lovely to watch the look on your mate's face when they open this cool-looking light and realise that something has gone horribly, horribly wrong? Think about it: it's just expensive and nice enough that they won't want to throw it away, but as a console loyalist it's sure to eat into their souls, just a little bit. That's the mark of a great joke present right there.


Horse Mask

You know that one mate that's really into BoJack Horseman? Wouldn't they love the show so much more if they became BoJack? The horse mask is a classic accessory, and a staple of Halloweens everywhere. Everyone knows someone who owns one, whether it's a family friend or a distant cousin — and while they always seem impractical at the time, you'd be surprised how often they come in handy. The minute you throw away your horse mask is the moment someone organises a horse-themed party. Be smart, be safe — buy a $26 horse mask for your mate.


This Funky Bolo

"Hey, wait," you might say. "A bolo is a nice gift!" And to that, I would say, "Well, sure, but this ain't Texas, honey." A bolo seems like it'd be a thoughtful gift, but unless you spend your days wrangling cattle or rootin'-tootin' in the American countryside, a bolo is hands-down guaranteed to get you laughed out of any pub, club or establishment you enter. When you're gifting this wonderful $18 bolo, make sure to encourage your recipient to wear it to their next party, and add in how "fetching" it makes them look for good measure. There's no way this gift could possibly go wrong.


Anthem

Is this punching below the belt a bit? Probably. But hey, Anthem is currently $4 at JB Hi-Fi. What a bargain! If you're on a present budget of say, $20 or so — that's FIVE WHOLE COPIES OF ANTHEM! Just think of the possibilities. What could one do with five whole copies of Anthem? A whole lot, I'd wager. The answer is waiting for you just inside JB Hi-Fi's doors.


Darkspore

Oh, cool, a game about building and fighting aliens! What a great gif- hey wait, why doesn't this work? Darkspore — a game I'm definitely not bitter about — is fine. It's not a troll gift on its own... but the fact that the servers for the game have been shut down and that EA's tight DRM policy means the game is completely unplayable, well... That's a bit more of an issue. But hey, if your mates aren't into their gaming knowhow, just imagine the look on their faces when they fire up this baby and immediately realise it's completely unplayable. That's a moment worth spending $10 on.


A box

That's right, just a box. One box, or a 20 pack for $35 — your choice. It's a classic comedy bit, but one that's so far from vogue right now that your mate's certain not to suspect it. To be fair, Amazon has some fairly pretty gift boxes, and receiving a box can be pretty useful in the right circumstances — but the real gift here is watching the elation, then sudden disappointment of receiving absolutely nothing. I'm sure your mate will forgive you (eventually).


Finger Hands

Remember that scene in Doctor Strange where he's floating through space, and has like, a hundred fingers? Anyway, that scene scarred me a bit, so what better gift to give than these $15 hand puppets that'll help you recreate it. These tiny things are deeply scary, and have no practical use. You can claim they're a Doctor Strange replica, if you like. It won't make your friends like them more.


Screaming Goat

Think Goat Simulator, but in real life! This replica goat does nothing but scream when you press the tree stump button, making it the perfect office companion for when stress gets you down. Also included in the package is a little book of fun facts about goats, so you could claim that it's educational, if you like. In the end, it is just a $15 screaming goat figure — but that's what makes it so fantastic.


Novelty Talking Cat Gum

Be honest, we all have one mate that'd believe this $5 gum works. Send them on a soul-searching odyssey for the truth with this novelty gum, and report back all the sticky, hilarious results. I mean, who knows? Maybe the gum does work after all, and maybe your mate's cat has some important, world-changing things to say. You won't know until they try it.


Of course, we don't recommend actually getting these gifts for your friends unless you're looking for a good walloping, but if you're stuck for ideas this silly season, maybe this list will kick off some thoughts.


As Kotaku editors we write about stuff we like and think you'll like too. Kotaku often has affiliate partnerships, so we may get a share of the revenue from your purchase.


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