The X-Men’s new dawn has entered its first major event with the release of X of Swords this week, bringing Krakoa’s champions to everyone’s favourite part of the anime: the Tournament Arc. They’re not just fighting for the fate of the multiverse, they’re fighting for it with some extremely cool swords.
There’s a lot of wild mystical nonsense in X of Swords: Creation — by Jonathan Hickman, Tini Howard, Pepe Larraz, Marte Gracia, and Clayton Cowles — but perhaps one of the best comes in the issue’s climax. Apocalypse’s four original Horsemen come to a concord with the Omniversal Majestrix, Opal Luna Saturnyne, and decide that the battle for the right to invade Krakoa through Otherworld will be done by ritual combat. See, told you this was wild mystical nonsense.
The two sides — the Horsemen’s legions on one, the X-Men on the other — must do this battle wielding swords from across the multiverse, which are named in a stunning panel as Saturnyne projects their names into the minds of Polaris and one of the original Horsemen:
It’s incredible. It’s dumb as hell. It’s cool as hell. And so, we must decide the dumb-coolest of all. I just want it to be known, for the record: All of these are extremely good sword names. Because they’re swords, with names, and Named Swords are extremely good. But that shall not stop us from ranking, as is our wont.
19) The Sword of Might
OK, you’re doing very little effort here beyond the fact you’ve got a cool sword. Oh, it’s mighty? Duh. It’s a sword.
18) The Red Sword of War
Literally what a child would name a sword. It’s probably also black, too. Respect the edge, but live a little!
17) The Twilight Blade
Exactly the same as the Red Sword of War, but someone just trying to pretend their edge-lordiness is more deep.
16) The Starlight Sword
I see you and I respect you, very earnest Retribution Paladin. Or maybe She-Ra, I dunno.
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15) Godkiller
We love any and all available opportunities to Attack and Dethrone God. Might as well do it with a themed sword!
14) Purity
Simple, clean. Well, until it gets your insides all over it.
13) Muramasa
The demon blade! The bloodlust! Based on the actual Japanese legends that weapons made by the forges of the legendary smith Sengo Muramasa would drive their wielders into fits of rage. Plus, duh, it’s a Katana. They’re very cool.
12) Mercy
Every breath you take, etc.
11) Colony
The implication of multitudes here is very interesting. Stabbing someone with a hive? Messed. Up.
10) Skybreaker
Few things are cooler than a sword held aloft, which this feels very evocative of. Show that sky what’s for!
9) Seducer
Hot.
8) Vermillion
See, Red Sword of War? This could’ve been you.
7) Grasscutter
Funny. Love a joke name.
6) Warlock
Excellent, because like, you don’t really think of Warlocks as wielding swords. But also, pact of the blade! Cool. Name more weapons after your D&D class.
5) The Light of Galador
SOMEBODY PUT ROM THE GODDAMN SPACEKNIGHT IN AN X-BOOK ALREADY, JESUS.
4) Alluvium
Alluvium is sediment eroded by liquid and deposited elsewhere. In the case, the liquid eroding the blade is probably your blood. That rocks. Geology joke!
3) The Black Bone of Amduat
So this one must, like, have to be Apocalypse’s right? The blade of the Egyptian underworld? Sidebar: Swords named for things that aren’t blades > Swords named for things that are blades.
2) The Soul Sword
In this house (of X) we love and cherish Illyana Rasputin.
1) Pogg Ur-Pogg
POGG. UR. HYPHEN. POGG. Incredible, Jonathan Hickman and Tini Howard, you magnificent people.
Swords? Good. X-Men? Good. X-Men with Swords? Gooooooood.
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