Why Did I Hoard This Shit?

Why Did I Hoard This Shit?
Photo: Tom McKay/Gizmodo

If you’re anything at all like me — and God, I hope you’re not — you never throw anything that uses electricity out, and have developed an elaborate series of dubious justifications to explain why it is actually perfectly rational.

Maybe, after all, you’ll need that USB-A to RCA converter cable in the future, or you’ll use that five year old power supply to build a media box, or you’ll suddenly need that power brick to power some kind of long-forgotten device (you’re not sure which, but are sure it will one day suddenly become extremely important). Perhaps those old laptops you’re never going to sell are worth money! Or maybe, just maybe, you’re just procrastinating lugging that shit to an electronic waste facility.

My avaricious grip on each and every electronic device is now kicking me in the arse, as I’m in the middle of a move to a new apartment and this stuff is scattered all over my goddamn house. It is everywhere and my fiancé hates it. In the spirit of Refresh Week, join me in pondering why the hell I hoarded this shit in the first place before I visit the shredder.

Who even owns a camcorder anymore?

Photo: Tom McKay/Gizmodo

The sticker says this is a Samsung HMX-F90 camcorder that is worth anywhere between like $70 or (if you believe algorithmically inflated cost estimates on Amazon) $700. I’m going to assume this was never worth anything near $700 and if it was worth anything, it was years ago, when I first noticed it had somehow slipped into my shit. Why do I have this? Why didn’t I sell this? Questions that will never be answered, sorry.

I’m sure this has some legitimate purpose

Photo: Tom McKay/Gizmodo

I’d check my Amazon account to see when I bought this, except I won’t because I don’t care. This was one of several random audio devices I bought under the mistaken impression it would allow me to turn a dual-channel 2.1 sound system into a surround sound system. I bought the speakers at an NYC hardware store run by two elderly Italian men, one of whom was the spitting image of Mario, and the other was the spitting image of Luigi. They claimed it was found in an old warehouse. It was not possible to turn it into a surround sound system.

Literal garbage

Photo: Tom McKay/Gizmodo

I’m seeing the plastic back of an ancient Samsung Galaxy S3, multiple computer fans that could date back to the last decade and which I am almost certain I have individually confirmed don’t work, and random cables. Also, I think there’s a box of vape coils from when I thought I was going to get into tank vapes. I did not get into tank vapes.

I’ll use it for something! I’m sure of it!

Photo: Tom McKay/Gizmodo

Remember a few slides ago, when I posted a photo of an audio thingy I thought would allow me to set up 5.1 audio without a receiver? Haha yeah this was an older attempt at that which NEVER WORKED and COULDN’T POSSIBLY HAVE WORKED and I DON’T KNOW WHY I KEPT THE THING.

Ancient laptops

Photo: Tom McKay/Gizmodo

Here are two MacBooks, a Lenovo Y70-70, and some kind of ancient laptop that probably ran Windows 98 originally. The MacBooks are, I am guessing, from separate ex-girlfriends who wanted me to recover stuff from their broken hard drives. I did not recover anything from their broken hard drives because their hard drives were irreparably fucked and originated from before 2010.

HTPC scraps

Photo: Tom McKay/Gizmodo

Haha hey this is the mini-PC I tried to build and then gave up on because you can’t build a mini-PC without frying the CPU! Good times. You can still see exactly where the air intake is because it’s clogged with dust. As recently as three years ago I believe I was trying to convince myself I’d build an HTPC for my TV, which is ridiculous because no one builds a HTPC for their TV. I am a failure.

???

Photo: Tom McKay/Gizmodo

Random screws and shit. Will they come in handy? I doubt it! Folks this is Tom McKay reporting from the land of reconsidering my choices in life.

Fire hazard

Photo: Tom McKay/Gizmodo

This 430 watt power supply lasted an ungodly amount of time and frankly should have caught on fire years ago. It could still catch on fire if I ever decide to try and use it to power something else. Which I won’t because it’s garbage I should have gotten rid of no later than 2016.

Why???

Photo: Tom McKay/Gizmodo

Speaks for itself really.

Really glad I never got into this

Photo: Tom McKay/Gizmodo

Here are two belt clips for Samsung phones, perfect for both occasions I thought I might get belt clips from my phones and then reconsidered that belt clips for phones are for huge dorks. True story from like 2011 or something. I did not dispose of them.

May be an actual undetonated bomb

Photo: Tom McKay/Gizmodo

I found this next to my bag in the luggage rack of a plane, considered the tradeoff of whether it was a bomb or not, decided even if it was a bomb I’d at least be a bomb owner, and then promptly took the possible bomb home and never used it. Don’t shake this thing please, it might be a… five to seven year old?… bomb. It’s probably just a power pack.

Not turned on since 2017

Photo: Tom McKay/Gizmodo

Hey, it’s my old friend, pre-Bluetooth speaker designed to attach to a phone that had a Micro-USB A port and required an app to use for some reason. This never worked and made me late to work countless times, though I can’t remember which job, as this has been through several apartments. If someone wants to look up what the last phone released that uses a Micro-USB A port was, that would be a useless exercise that doesn’t benefit anybody.

Fell off a truck

Photo: Tom McKay/Gizmodo

Another one of the sound systems I bought from the elderly Italian hardware store guys who look like Mario and Luigi. Honestly, it still sounds great.

Long dead

Photo: Tom McKay/Gizmodo

Honorary mention: This is probably from 2013 or earlier and has definitely congealed in the tube.

Busted monitor

Photo: Tom McKay/Gizmodo

I know exactly when I found this monitor: Somewhere between the years of 2007 and 2011, when I worked over the summer as a maintenance crew guy clearing out dorm rooms at my alma mater in Florida. This monitor sucked then and it sucks now, but for the past decade I’ve been trying to convince myself it could be mounted on the wall of a kitchen and used as an electronic cookbook. This is precisely as shitbrained as it sounds.

Is this worth money?

Photo: Tom McKay/Gizmodo

Here’s the good shit: A bunch of old hard drives ranging from 100 to 250 gigabytes, a vape juice-choked Juul, and an old iPod that hasn’t been turned on in a decade and has a broken screen, but I have convinced myself could be worth THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS when I’m ELDERLY.

Thanks for the hateclicks!

Photo: Tom McKay/Gizmodo

This is an external DVD drive for all those DVDs I’m totally going to watch. Just need to get around to it. Anyhow, this has been a slideshow blog from Tom! Thanks for reading my slog. It’s a new genre of content that I hope made money.