Oh No, He’s Hot

Oh No, He’s Hot
OK, Mr. Bowser. (Screenshot: Nintendo)
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A new trailer for the Nintendo Switch version of Super Mario 3D World arrived earlier today featuring a first look at Bowser in Bowser’s Fury and y’all…damn.

Mr. Bowser, I am free on Thursday. (Screenshot: Nintendo) Mr. Bowser, I am free on Thursday. (Screenshot: Nintendo)

Bowser’s hot. Super hot. Bowser-Jr.-ain’t-the-only-one-calling-me-daddy hot. There’s something undeniably sexy about a dangerous creature. Bowser’s hit the gym and gotten bigger and more muscly since last we saw him in Super Mario Odyssey. He looks like he could throw me through a wall of POW blocks, and I’d thank him for the experience. This new Bowser exudes a never-before-seen air of malicious confidence in those glowing eyes and fiery hair that turns my knees into jelly. Whew.

I don’t believe Princess Peach is a hapless maiden. We’ve seen her in Smash. We know she can kick arse if she has to, so there has to be some other reason why sis lets herself get taken every time Bowser shows up. What do you know, girl? Is the D too bob-omb?

The thing is, Bowser’s always been the most attractive man in the Mushroom Kingdom. (Waluigi fans do not @ me!) He takes care of himself, is well groomed, can wear the hell out of a white suit, and most importantly, he’s an amazing father. It’s hard not to fall in love with him. Y’all can play with Super Saiyan kitty Mario if you want, but when Bowser’s Fury comes out, this princess will definitely be in another castle.


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