Too Fast Too Fantasy XV: Late, Broke, And Bodied By A Behemoth

Too Fast Too Fantasy XV: Late, Broke, And Bodied By A Behemoth
That's a huge...behemoth. (Screenshot: Square Enix)
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In my push to finish Final Fantasy XV before it leaves Xbox Game Pass I had hoped to make up for lost time. Doing the maths, I figured I’ll need to cover an average of five hours a day. But after Day Two I only have a grand total of seven hours clocked on my save file; I’m still three hours behind.

I feel like I’m making progress, though. I’m in Chapter three of 14. I’ve arrived in Lestallum and acquired four of the Royal Arms — powerful, HP-sucking weapons that are each locked behind a standard dungeon. Even so, I’m looking forward to the weekend, when I can average more than three hours a day, to make some real progress.

Goodness, this game is beautiful. Shots like this are the norm. Wow. (Screenshot: Square Enix) Goodness, this game is beautiful. Shots like this are the norm. Wow. (Screenshot: Square Enix)

I still struggle to ignore side-quests — this time the chocobos brought me down. I couldn’t ignore their bright yellow faces and happy “kweh” chirrups, nor could I pay no mind to Prompto’s incessant begging. So against my better judgement, I took up the side-quest that unlocks the big birds, requiring me to track down and defeat a fuck-off huge behemoth.

I really like the monster designs in FF15. Previous games’ stylization and the limitations of graphics engines always made the monsters look cartoonish and fake. FF15 is the first time these malboros, behemoths, and coeurls — oh my! — look like actual animals from the real world. But creature difficulty seems oddly balanced in this game. With my level 15 party, a random encounter with a level 34 creature was easier than the side-quest’s level 15 behemoth. Said behemoth wiped me once and on my second attempt I used all of my healing items, necessitating a trip to the local dive bar/diner/drive-in for restocking. Y’all, I’m constantly teetering on the edge of broke bitch status.

Yeah my dad's dead and my country's being occupied by fascists, but who doesn't have time for a road trip group picture? (Screenshot: Square Enix) Yeah my dad's dead and my country's being occupied by fascists, but who doesn't have time for a road trip group picture? (Screenshot: Square Enix)

I never have enough money, forced to sell what I hope aren’t crafting materials just to make ends meet. I just cannot understand how King Regis can send his only son out into the world with nothing more than five gil and a “good luck!” Like, aren’t you a prince, Noctis, shouldn’t you have enough gil to keep yourself tripping on elixirs? Taking down that behemoth netted me a 2k windfall, making me realise, “shit, I’m gonna have to take more hunts — and therefore waste time — if I’m going to have enough money to keep going.” Thankfully I’ve trained Ignis in the Regroup technique that revives allies in the “danger” status and restores HP. It’s a nice alternative when my elixirs are running low.

Keep it on the DL, but I’m starting to suspect Prompto has a slight crush on Gladio based on the inordinate amount of pictures he’s taken featuring the two-handed sword-swinger. What’s that ship called? Gladiompto? Promtio? Gladto?

Screenshot: Square Enix, Fair Use

Screenshot: Square Enix, Fair Use

Oops all Gladio.

Screenshot: Square Enix, Fair Use

Screenshot: Square Enix, Fair Use

<em>Damn.</em>

Screenshot: Square Enix, Fair Use

Screenshot: Square Enix, Fair Use

OK, he's hot, but the mullet is inexcuseable.

Screenshot: Square Enix, Fair Use

Screenshot: Square Enix, Fair Use

No thoughts, just vibes.

Prompto, please. Contain your thirst.

I’ll be back on Monday with another update, hopefully somewhere closer to the 20-hour mark. If Jason Schreier’s old review is correct, that’ll have me within closing distance to the end of the main story. If I do make it to the end with time left on the clock, I’ll enjoy myself by heading back out into the world and exploring more. Seven days left.

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