Video games are capable of making us feel all sorts of things. They can make us happy, gut-punch us with sadness and even trigger hunger pangs. I would like to focus on the latter for a moment because I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s capable of feeling a raging hunger spurred on by delicious-looking in-game foods.
It got me thinking — which video game foods would I actually want to eat IRL? I mean, if they don’t want me to eat them, then why do they make them look so damn good?
Here are 10 video game foods I would shove into my salivating gob.
The roast dinners from Wolfenstein
Why they kept perfectly good and fresh hot dinners on the floors of Nazi dungeons is a fair question to have — and yes, I do assume they’re fresh because look at the colour of them. Those are fresh-as-hell meals and I can practically see the steam radiating from them.
The weirdly-placed chicken dinners are, of course, a source of health in the game and I’ve wanted to shove them into my gaping food hole since the first time I laid eyes on them.
A Sweet Roll from The Elder Scrolls series
The funny thing about the Sweet Roll from The Elder Scrolls series is that I’ve actually eaten one. Bethesda partnered with Bourke Street Bakery in 2016 and brought the delicious little treat to life, which I ate for +5 health.
The problem is, it was so good that I’ve wanted more ever since but they don’t bloody exist anymore. I think about them every day.
The Durrburger from Fortnite
I don’t want a Durrburger, I want THE Durrburger. The big hulking bastard that sits atop the actual store. I want to eat that specific Durrburger.
I will not be explaining myself further.
Mario‘s magic mushrooms
The Super Mario universe is absolutely packed with mushrooms and when you think about it, they are definitely magic, just not in the weird way your psytrance-loving cousin goes on about. Depending on their colour, they can make Mario double in size, give him an extra life or even a nice little speed boost if he’s in a go-kart at the time.
I’m not even a huge mushroom fan IRL but I do yearn for Mario’s magical powers.
The Sushi from Pokemon Stadium
I weirdly remember playing this particular multiplayer minigame as a kid and wanting to reach into the screen to pull out a tiny, fingernail-sized sushi roll to enjoy, which is actually kinda weird because why wouldn’t I just want a normal-sized one?
Anyway, something about the constant gobbling of sushi via Lickitung’s comedically large clapper always made me hungry.
Pac-Man‘s dots
He eats so many of them. They’ve gotta be good, right?
It turns out they’re literally just called “dots” which doesn’t make them sound appetising in the slightest but the reality is I’m just really curious. Give me the dots please and thank you.
The rotisserie meat from Monster Hunter
I’ll level with you, folks, I’ve never actually played any of the Monster Hunter games, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting to sample their culinary delights. Primarily, I want to eat the slowly rotated bone of (presumably monster) meat.
There’s simply no greater joy than devouring a meal you’ve prepared yourself, so having to digitally cook your own enormous hunk of meat in a game is oddly appealing to me. Or maybe it’s because it makes more sense than picking up multiple chicken dinners from a concrete floor surrounded by dead bodies.
Seared steak from The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
Look at that thing, it’s like the perfect steak. Some top-notch grill patterning to cap off an expertly browned and moist piece of meat. My mouth is watering.
Plus you get a heart and a half’s worth of health for eating it. Yum yum.
The Wumpa Fruit from Crash Bandicoot
I always thought these were just apples but it turns out they’re actually a fictional fruit called Wumpa. To be fair, they do kinda look like an apple/mango hybrid and that’s something I’d very much like to wrap my laughing gear around.
If anything, I just wanna know what the texture is like. Is it crunchy like an apple, or soft and juicy like a mango? Or does it have the texture of some weird alien food we’ve never experienced before? We’ll never know.
Literally any food from Final Fantasy XV
I mean, do I really need to explain myself here? The food in this game looks so damn realistic it’s downright rude that I can’t actually eat it.
It’s hard to have any kind of long session with FFXV because it’s impossible not to get outrageously hungry at the first sight of an immaculately textured schnitzel. If you suffer from the same affliction, it’s good to have a delivery app like DoorDash close by when the hunger pangs deliver an uppercut to your stomach.
After all, one of the best parts of living in the modern world is being able to order a stupidly large variety of foods to your door without even hitting the pause button.
Happy eating, friends.
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