During today’s spring update, Capcom provided an early look at how returning fighter Oro will play in Street Fighter V. There’s only one problem: Not once did they show his dick and balls.
Oro, who was first introduced to the world in 1997’s Street Fighter III: New Generation, is one of my favourite Street Fighter characters. He’s one of the canonically strongest fighters in the game’s universe, so dang powerful that he ties one arm behind his back while fighting supernatural martial artists like Ryu and Akuma just to make things fair. He’s also the only Street Fighter character who canonically has a twig and berries.
Street Fighter V pays homage to Oro’s one-armed fighting style by forcing him to constantly occupy a hand keeping a pet turtle safe. But that’s where the similarities end. OK, sure, Oro’s moveset in the new game looks to be the spitting image of his abilities in Street Fighter III, but his classic outfit has one unmissable addition that completely ruins his return. Carefully scrutinize the following screenshot…I’ll wait.
Underwear! Some jerk slapped a pair of underwear on the series’ only freeballer. What’s Capcom even doing? Has anyone there even played Street Fighter III?
If they had, they’d know Oro only wears a loose-fitting gi, giving a thin strip of cloth and a rope belt the insurmountable task of hiding the fact that he’s very much going commando.
This is the true Oro. How am I even supposed to enjoy his return in Street Fighter V if I can’t see that shriveled, yellow dong every time he performs a crouching roundhouse? It makes me sick that Capcom would rather hide Oro’s schmeat behind a basic-arse pair of tighty whities than be respectful to the source material.
Let me make this clear: I’m not thirsty. I’m not horny. I don’t want Oro to lovingly caress me and I don’t want to spend the night with him in his hermit cave. This is 100% a matter of integrity.
Capcom, fix this travesty. Hell, hide those mysterious, ancient genitalia behind a costume code or classic costume DLC, I don’t care. I need that dick or I’m boycotting your game. Just please don’t look at my Steam profile, I don’t know how to make it private.