Song About Fucking A Minecraft Creeper Is Obscenely Catchy

Song About Fucking A Minecraft Creeper Is Obscenely Catchy
Image: Danny Gonzalez and Kurtis Conner

It’s been more than a year since the pandemic began. Even with an end in sight in wealthy, vaccine-hoarding nations, I think it’s safe to say that it’s wearing on all of us. That, if I had to guess, is how we got an entire song dedicated to the idea of fucking a creeper from Minecraft.

The song, by YouTubers Danny Gonzalez and Kurtis Conner, is not overly complicated. Both are entranced by a creeper — Minecraft’s notorious exploding stalker enemy — due to her lack of curves and the incredible rigidity of her moves on the dance floor. The two nearly become rivals in the quest to win her love, but then they decide to suggest a threesome, she consents, and everything works out great for everybody — until…well, you can probably guess what’s coming.

Co-crooners Gonzalez and Conner are impressively shameless in mining the game for pun-laden lyrics, and go so far as to rhyme “threesome” with “Liam Neeson,” which I think is against the law in some places. More importantly, the chorus is the kind of thing that I imagine will regularly drift into my head for at least the next few months. Finally, a banger for gamers (who have been trapped inside for over a year and whose minds have truly taken a portal to The Nether).

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