Swampert Is Faster Than A Jet Ski

Swampert Is Faster Than A Jet Ski
Image: The Pokemon Company / Kotaku

Every Pokemon is interesting and worth talking about. I don’t play a ton of Pokemon, but I do enjoy the universe and I love learning more about the creatures in it. So, Here’s Another Pokemon! It’s Swampert!

Swampert Details

Type: Bug / Electric

Average Height: 4’ 11”

Average Weight: 82 kg.

First introduced in Generation III

Swampert might look like a big, strong, lumbering creature. But no! It’s fast. How fast? Well, it’s faster than a jet ski. I’ve recently heard that these things are amazing, combining form and function into a perfect machine. You could even say they are awesome…

Did I pick this Pokemon simply because it references a jet ski, a thing mentioned in a popular and ongoing TV show? Maybe. But there’s more to this post, I swear. For example, according to Bulbapedia, Swampert can accurately predict the weather. It does this by sensing subtle changes in the sounds of waves and winds with its fins. When it senses a big storm it builds a big fort out of heavy rocks to protect itself and its nest.

You think we are all obsessing over the jet ski part in Loki too much and there won’t be any payoff for it? That seems possible. I hope not. I’d love to see Owen Wilson ride off into the sunset on a nice jet ski. He deserves it.

Oh, Swampert, well, uh…it also has really good vision. It can see through the muddiest and murkiest waters. Which is useful when racing a jet ski driven by Owen Wilson… ah shit. I’m stuck thinking about the Loki show again. Let’s just move on, shall we?

Random Facts

  • Swampert is strong, capable of lifting one-ton rocks with ease. It uses this ability to build storm shelters and also (probably) impress people. Or intimidate them.
  • One Pokedex entry said that Swampert could drag around a large ship, which seems like a big increase over being able to lift a one-ton rock.
  • I’m starting to suspect these Pokedex entries might be inconsistently accurate. Just a theory.

Best Comment From Last Week

“Did you know that spiders liquify the insides of their prey and consume them that way? Now you know, sweet dreams.”


So happy to be back…

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