Ever since my mum threw out my copy of the Madagascar PS2 game, there has been a shady penguin-shaped hole in my heart that, until today, I thought would be empty forever. However, The Greatest Penguin Heist Of All Time is here to fill that void with, you guessed it, crime-committing penguins.
To quote Pingu: noot, noot, bitch.
“The Greatest Penguin Heist of All Time is the one and only 4 player CO-OP physics-based heist game featuring a bunch of kleptomanic penguins. You’ll experience a blend of physics-based platforming with stealth and strategy, with full freedom to achieve the missions in your own way,” the description on Steam reads.
The Greatest Penguin Heist Of All Time does what it says on the tin, really. You’re a bit of an arsehole penguin who needs to “steal whatever needs to be stolen” as you work your way through a variety of heists.
“Penguin Heist features a variety of heist locations that all have their unique flair,” the description reads.
“One heist will have you stealing boats full of fish, another might have you stealing valuable works of art, and yet another may require you to kidnap a prized chef. However, it is the job of a penguin to figure out the way that they want to execute their heist. Loud or silent, lethal or non-lethal – there is no right answer… there is only the way you play!”
If this gameplay footage is anything to go off, your penguin is equipped with various weapons like a baseball bat and a gun to help you on your heisting quests. You know, because penguins need protection too.
The premise seems pretty simple, you basically just walk around whacking other penguins with your weapons and stealing various items to complete your little tasks. Honestly, I wish real life were that simple.
Oh, to be a little penguin committing little crimes with my little gun. As you progress through the game, you also get to deck your penguin out in cute outfits to suit your vibe.
This is truly the game you didn’t know you needed.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go commit penguin crimes.