Bonsly Will Die If It Doesn’t Cry Enough

Bonsly Will Die If It Doesn’t Cry Enough
Image: The Pokemon Company / Kotaku

Every Pokemon is interesting and worth talking about. I don’t play a ton of Pokemon, but I do enjoy the universe and I love learning more about the creatures in it. So, Here’s Another Pokemon! It’s Bonsly!

Bonsly Details

Type: Rock

Average Height: 1′ 08″

Average Weight: 15 kg.

First Added In Generation IV

There are a lot of songs that are about or involve people crying. I found this out when I searched Google for “crying songs” and found a very long list of stuff. Some good. Some bad. So I decided to stick with what I love and included a Prince joke at the top of this post. I hoped you liked it. What does this have to do with Bonsly, this week’s Pokemon? Well… crying… tears? Let’s move on.

Bonsly is a rock that looks like a plant that also cries a lot, even when it’s not sad. If it doesn’t do this, it gets too moist and dies. Yeah, after a week off we are jumping right back into the wild world of self-destructive Pokemon. According to Bulbapedia, Bonsly doesn’t cry because it’s sad or needs attention. Instead, the tears are a way for it to release moisture in its body. Why? Read back a few sentences and you’ll spot the factoid that if this fake-plant-bastard gets too wet it dies.

As you might expect this means Bonsly prefers living in dry locations and areas of the world. However, they are sometimes spotted in gardens, but these are the daredevils among the Bonsly population. These little wild things want to push themselves to see how much moisture they can take before they kick the bucket. (Sort of like the movie Flatliners… or actually, not really. Nevermind. Stop reading this.)

According to Bulbapedia, Bonsly has been known to use this constant crying as a way to get enemies and predators to let their guard down. Based on some of the nasty Pokemon we’ve covered over the years, I’m not sure how foolproof of a strategy that is, but then again this is also just a rock shaped like a plant so I doubt many things want to even eat in the first place.

Random Facts

  • According to some Pokedex entries, because this Pokemon prefers dry areas of the planet, its green “leaves” often stand out in contrast to the more arid and sandy regions it lives in.
  • When it expels liquid from its eyes, it looks like it’s crying, but this actually a mix of sweat and tears. This sounds awful. According to some, the sweaty “tears” are salty but the other “tears” are bitter.
  • Uh… wait, who is going out there and licking and tasting the tears that come out of different Bonslys? That’s a job that you either hate and never want to do again. Or you love too much and people call you the “crying freak” behind your back.

Best Comment From (Sort of) Last Week

You know that if Tails had that weird neck pouch, it would just end up in fan art being used for some horrible sexual activity.

-IsotopeX

You see, this shit is why I need a break every so often.

Last Week’s Here’s Another Pokemon!

It’s Buizel!

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