PETA’s back in the gaming world, and this time they have their sights set on Elden Ring. Honestly, though? It’s actually pretty funny.
PETA’s heavy-handed approach to combatting animal cruelty has been well-known for years now. Who could forget their endless battle against much-loved dogfighting simulator Pokémon? Of course, nobody took them seriously back then because video games aren’t real and a rat can’t actually shit out lightning.
Now PETA’s come back with a NowThis-esque how-to video on how you can play Elden Ring while also being mindful of animals. Weirdly enough, it made me chuckle and surprisingly is not as shocking as their prior attempts in the gaming world.
Rise, Tarnished, and bear witness to the amazing animals of the Lands Between!
— PETA (@peta) March 7, 2022
The video describes PETA’s top 5 things for you to do in Elden Ring, which all obviously involve situations with animals in-game. They start with ‘take your dogs for a lovely walk around the lake’, which is accompanied by the playable character running away from a rabid dog trying to rip them to shreds, and probably eat them. This is, unfortunately, funny to me.
They then follow with ‘persuade mercenaries not to exploit horses’, which is shown over a video of the playable character smacking somebody off of their horse. It’s almost slapstick. I had to giggle. Sorry.
The third instalment, ‘observe wildlife from a safe and respectful distance’, showing the Runebear scratching up on a tree, is reminiscent of catching your cat doing something stupid. It is, once again, funny to me,
‘Check out an animal sanctuary’ again involves the playable character running away from rabid dogs. Real ‘nice doggy’ moment. I will say that Elden Ring missed out on a great opportunity to let you pat the dogs, but they are also trying to kill and eat you so maybe it’s for the best.
The last point is ‘spend a peaceful moment with amazing animals’, where the playable character looks super fuckin’ psyched to be standing next to a tortoise. This is very relatable, as if I were to stand next to a tortoise, I would probably shit an absolute brick, lose my mind, and let out a sound similar to the sound that tortoises make when they’re slamming clam. Out of excitement, of course.
The video ends with PETA saying the animals in The Lands Between ‘deserve your respect’, which is followed by a giant lobster clawing you to death. Instead of ‘YOU DIED’, the screen reads ‘GO VEGAN’. Why is this so funny?
Their bloodthirsty rendition of Pokémon and the classic Mario Kills Tanooki were funny in their own right because they just seemed like needless panic fodder. This video, on the other hand, is surprisingly soft while also completely defeating the purpose of the unforgiving Elden Ring. Maybe that makes it good.
In true anti-PETA fashion, the replies are filled with people talking about how delicious the steak they had for dinner is. While this is true, the video itself is actually funnier to me. ‘Annoying meat eaters’ are just as cringe as ‘annoying vegans’, the difference is what they’re eating. It’s just a different form of a superiority complex.
In saying that, this is a weird turn for PETA, who are the champions of holier-than-thou-posting. However, it is funny, so I must laugh.