No, Amazon, I Didn’t Mean ‘Fire Emblem Warriors: Three Holes’

No, Amazon, I Didn’t Mean ‘Fire Emblem Warriors: Three Holes’

If you, like me, were intrigued by the recent smattering of Fire Emblem Warriors: Three Hopes reviews and went looking for a copy on Amazon, the online retailer probably responded with a funny question: “Did you mean Fire Emblem Warriors: Three Holes?” Thank you for asking, Bezos-mart, but no, I literally didn’t mean anything of the sort.

Three Hopes is the upcoming Warriors-style sequel to Fire Emblem: Three Houses, the 2019 game that reignited just about everyone’s love for the classic Nintendo series. Other franchises have gotten the musou treatment in recent years as well, most notably The Legend of Zelda and Persona 5. Folks are apparently so excited about Three Hopes, however, that they’re mistyping searches en masse, or at least enough that Amazon’s algorithms think “Three Holes” might be the game’s real subtitle.

And it’s not just me. Social media is rife with similar stories from people who went looking for Three Hopes on Amazon, only to be asked if they meant “Three Holes” instead. In fact, a Twitter search for “Fire Emblem Three Holes” reveals several people using the term both jokingly and mistakenly outside of the Amazon context. Maybe the romance-heavy turn the series has taken with modern installments means folks can’t help but imagine lewd scenarios while purchasing this spin-off.

I guess the only question that remains is if “Three Holes” refers to a single person or a sort of polyamorous, multi-lover scenario. I can’t believe I just typed that out.

Fire Emblem Warriors: Three Hopes lands on Switch this Friday, June 24. Maybe players will get this nonsense out of their systems when the full game is finally available, but going by experience, I fully expect everyone to go way too far with their love and attraction towards these digital characters. As long as you all keep your wandering eyes away from Yuri, my actual real-deal boyfriend, we won’t have any problems.


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