I like to do stupid things. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s a character flaw, or maybe it’s what got me into the career I’m in now (read: entertainment monkey, for you, the reader). Maybe it’s both.
So, when ErgoTune, a company that makes ergonomic chairs, sent me a chair to try out, I thought it would be a fun idea to really put it to the test. That is – let’s see if I can sit on this chair for 24 hours, boot up my PlayStation, and game like I’ve never gamed before.
7am – Mass Effect 3
With a mixture of the excitement of an unsupervised 12-year-old boy with unrestricted internet and the weathered apprehension of Commander Shepard’s chiselled brow above, I dived into Mass Effect 3. A natural starting point as I’d been slowly making my way through the remastered series over the past couple of months – my first ever playthrough of the series.
Stand down nerds, I know.
8:37am – FIFA 22
After a solid session of alien shooting, it was time to switch things up. My beloved A.S. Roma had recently bought Argentine superstar Dybala, so I booted up FIFA career mode – luckily I was midway through a transfer window – and bought him for more than any human should ever be worth. Such is the hyper-extortionate meat market that is modern football.
God, Dybala looks good in a Roma shirt, doesn’t he? Well, a knock-off imitation of a Roma shirt cos FIFA didn’t bother to get the image rights of Roma for FIFA 22 for some reason, the dogs.
Anyway, there’s only so much fun you can have in career mode before things get a tad stale, so I logged on to play some online matches.
POV: you’re watching me get absolutely dominated 4-0 by an 11-year-old from Albania.
Again.
9:50am – Crash Bandicoot N. Sane Trilogy
With my ass well and truly handed to me on an immaculate silver platter, I decided I needed a palate cleanser, a little pick me up, if you will. So I dived into the remastered Crash trilogy. Which I love and adore with all my heart, but god I wish they kept the sharp polygonal lines of his original design when they remastered the game. The new Crash looks too soft, too plush.
I miss the old deranged-looking Crash (pictured above), the Crash that looked like he was hailing an Uber in front of Revs at 8am on a Sunday morning, his wide pupils a window into his weathered soul and tortured psyche. The new Crash looks like he’d pass the old Crash on a Sunday morning jog down Chapel Street, perhaps on his way to pick up some lovely vegetables from Prahran Market. Let’s move on.
10:27am – Far Cry 6
I love Far Cry. I’ve beaten every instalment from Far Cry 3 onward, except for Far Cry 6 for some reason. I don’t know why, exactly. I really liked the game, and I got pretty far in, but I guess life just does that sometimes. Anyway, what better time than the present to dive back in.
I didn’t plan on doing anything substantial story-wise. I just turned the difficulty to max setting and decided to Rambo around for a while. This was a bad plan, I found myself saying ‘pinga’ quite a bit, which is Spanish for quite a naughty word, I hear!
11:33am – Far Cry New Dawn
Now that I had the taste for Far Cry, I decided to check in with my old pal Joseph Seed in Far Cry New Dawn, looking good as always, Joseph!
Chair check: about five hours in and I still feel great. The chair is completely customisable with 11 different adjustment points, meaning you have full support from neck to toe, and the armrests are unlike any I’ve seen before – with full 360-degree mobility, so I could fold them all the way in front of me and lean my elbows over while playing which was a godsend after holding a controller for so long. Plus, it kind of feels like you’re getting ‘locked in’ before a theme park ride, so I felt snug and supported even when god had proved he had abandoned me during my many FIFA defeats and Far Cry deaths.
12:06pm – Far Cry Primal
After New Dawn, I dipped my toes in Far Cry Primal for a while because it’s such a cool game that so many people seem to hate for no reason? Oh, what’s the matter? Wittle baby can’t have fun if they don’t have a gun? Grow up. Pierce a damn ancient bear with a flaming spear. Get a bloody personality.
12:58pm – Goat Simulator
By this point, I was growing weary of Far Cry, so I jumped into Goat Simulator to just, go full goblin mode for a while, which is always a good decision.
1:13pm – Horizon Forbidden West
Next, I dived into what is quite possibly one of the most aesthetically astounding games I’ve ever played. Horizon Forbidden West is just, such a good game, I know people have their gripes with it, that it’s just more Ubisoft-esque formulaic open-world same sameyness that we have just been bombarded with this past decade, especially when compared to the innovative approach Elden Ring took to open worlds – the fact that the two were released on the same week, made comparisons unavoidable.
Unavoidable, but unfair nonetheless, in my opinion at least. Elden Ring is a good game, Horizon is a good game. Sure, they take different approaches. But whatever man, play both, enjoy both.
Still, whichever way you slice it, that’s two from two for the Horizon curse, with the first instalment, Horizon Zero Dawn, suffering an almost identical fate of being released the same week of another revolutionary open-world game in the form of Zelda: Breath of the Wild in 2017, and suffering because of it. Ah well, Aloy, I still love you.
2:17pm – Ghost of Tsushima
Speaking of beautiful games. Ghost of Tsushima. That’s all. Do I really need to say more? Ghost of Tsushima is quite possibly my favourite game of the PS4 generation, big call, I know. But I’m a weeb at heart, you see, and this game has everything I could ever want in a game. But back to its pure aesthetics, seriously. You could pause this game at literally any time, take a screenshot, and hang that baby in your living room and everyone who comes over will say wow, now that’s Art, son!
3:09pm – Shadow of the Tomb Raider
By now you’ve probably realised that I have quite an affinity for narrative-driven single-player action-adventure games. That’s because my time is short and limited and there’s only so long on this fleeting rock and I’m not going to waste it playing the same game on repeat and losing, constantly, to kids across the ocean with infinitely more time and skill and parent’s wallets to purchase better guns and better players and better skins and goshdarnit back in my day games didn’t even connect to the internet!
I digress.
What I love about the rebooted Tomb Raider series is that it’s basically Uncharted. And I love Uncharted, it’s like heroin to me – If I did heroin, which I don’t. Anyway, back to Tomb Raider, as I said, it’s essentially Uncharted, but with the added bonus that I want to marry and raise a family with Lara Croft. No offence, Nathan Drake, you’re not my type. Even though you’re handsome, and charismatic, and quippy, and strong, and witty, and bold, and maybe you are my type?…
4:21pm – Marvel’s Spider-Man
Next up, I swung around the streets of New York in Marvel’s masterpiece Spider-Man game. No, I still haven’t played Miles Morales, yes, it’s on my list. Get off my back!!!
5:15pm – Control
Then I threw in a bit of Control for good measure because at this point my mind was growing weary and reality was beginning to distort anyway so might as well lean into it with a psychological mind-bending paranormal action-adventure thriller, right? Don’t answer that, I know I’m right.
5:47pm – God of War
As the sun was setting I thought I’d check in with my man Kratos to re-familiarise myself with the gameplay of God of War a little as we inch ever closer to the release of God of War Ragnarok.
Which, if my editor is reading this, (I know you are), I’m just giving you a heads up I’m sick that day – the day of the release of God of War Ragnarok – I’ll be very unwell, I won’t be able to work. The release of God of War Ragnarok has nothing to do with my being sick that day. The two events have nothing to do with each other.
But let’s get back to that sunset for a sec, I thought it was pretty neat that the real-world sky matched God of War sky for a while. Real nice. Makes you appreciate the little things. Like Atreus, that little whiny brat.
6:33pm – Stray
And of course, given this was the release day of The Cat Game Everyone Is Playing Right Now, it would be rude and weird and kind of lame to not at least check it out. And my word, I hate to agree with The Internet, but this game truly is something special.
But at around 8pm I got a message from a friend inviting me to an art show she was heading to. Apparently, it was going to be full of experimental futuristic AI-themed performances, and there was an open bar.
By this point, I had been gaming for 13 hours or so. I was no longer having fun, I was going through the motions. The games were all blurring into one, I was tired, mentally, and although I had initially rejected the invitation, I thought about it for a little longer and thought, this is dumb, actually.
Good question, Shepard, let’s find out.
On my way to the show, I thought about why we’re so drawn to these silly 24-hour challenges. A simple Google of “gaming 24 hours” will pull up an endless stream of YouTubers and bloggers and streamers who had done it all before.
But what’s the point? This was, after all, meant to be about the merits of a gaming chair. And as far as that aspect is concerned, as I stood around for hours at the show, sipping a beer and enjoying the weirdness of Melbourne’s art scene, my back felt incredible. Usually, after a regular ass-work day, I’m just, so stiff, so tired. But tonight, after 13 hours on the chair, I still felt like I could go off and run a marathon.
So, to sum up: the chair is sick, 24-hour challenges are dumb.
That’s all from me, I’m off to play some more Stray; to follow a small robot into the dark unknown.
Do your lumbar a favour and grab yourself ErgoTune’s latest and greatest design right here. It’s even endorsed by our resident office life-sized Adam Sandler cut-out!
Leave a Reply