Would You Trust This Videogame Character To Cook You A Burger?

I think I speak for many of us when I say that the burger is the ultimate comfort meal. It’s got everything you’d want, packed neatly into a golden brown bun.

But I ask you, fellow burger fans, if you would place your trust in the hands of these burger chefs to deliver you your moment of zen?

The Butcher

You pull up to the barbeque and see this man wearing a “kiss the chef” apron while grilling, what do you do?

According to the lore of Diablo, The Butcher hunts relentlessly for fresh meat, preferring to eat it raw. For that reason, I don’t believe the butcher can be trusted to make you a good burger.

I’d rate his burger a 2/10 for at least having fresh, locally sourced ingredients.

Ignis Scientia – Final Fantasy XV

As anyone knows, every squad has to have a cook in it, and in Final Fantasy XV, that cook is Ignis. There is zero reason to believe that not only would Ignis make you a great burger, but I’d go as far as to say it would be life-changing, and you’d forever yearn and chase the high of the burger for the rest of your life.

10/10.

Mama – Cooking Mama

“What’s better than Mama?” you may ask, nervously looking behind you to see if she’s there. The answer: nothing. Cooking Mama’s burgers would not only bring a man to tears, it would heal his inner child.

Cooking Mama’s burger could be a 10/10, because she wouldn’t settle for less.

Some guy roleplaying on Roblox – Roblox

Roblox as a game lets you do many things thanks to its incredibly passionate community who are willing to create remarkable maps and game modes. One of these game modes is Sizzle Burger, where after training to be a chef, you can start working as one in an established restaurant.

Looking at the behind-the-scenes, I’d give the Roblox burger a solid 4/10. It’s an unseasoned burger with no sauce, so you already know it’d be a dry bite. It would also be $30.

Raphael – Fire Emblem: Three Houses

Raphael is the sweetest himbo in a cast of anime tropes. Over the course of the game, Raphael realises his dream of starting an inn with his sister, and if you bring him to cook, he has plenty of advantages making him a safe pick if you want to farm his friendship that way.

Because of his joy for cooking, and the undoubted good vibes his inn would have, I’d give Raphael’s burger a 7/10. You also know he’d pride himself on maintaining a clean kitchen, so it would undoubtedly pass any health regulations without any issue.

Kratos – God Of War

I might ruffle some feathers here, but I have a feeling Kratos’ burger would just be okay. He would try his best, but Kratos strikes me as a guy who believes that a meal’s sole purpose is it’s nutritional value.

I’d give the Kratos burger a 6/10.

Meowscular Chef & Grammeowster Chef

I think I speak on behalf of all of us, but I want to eat the food the cute cat people from Monster Hunter make. Seasoned well, steamed to perfection. You know your burger would be cooked to precision. If you don’t like this burger, that’s your fault, not their’s.

10/10.

Mina Han – Battle Chef Brigade

Mina Han, also known as “The Iron Stomach” started out as an amateur chef, cooking simple dishes who eventually fights her way through the battle royale, eventually to be crowned as the Iron Chef.

A master of a variety of dishes and cuisines, you just know Mina would cook you a burger that would blow your mind and have you questioning your many missed years not eating burgers like the ones she makes.

10/10.

El Fuerte – Street Fighter

El Fuerte is a force to be reckoned with, honing both his skills as a Lucha Libre fighter and a chef. While El Fuerte is passionate about the craft, as we learn in his story, he’s actually a fairly bad chef, baffling professional cooks with his creations. Whether through fighting him or eating his meals, either could inflict serious damage against you.

I’d give his burger a solid 4/10.

Stinky – Sam & Max

Uh oh, stinky.

Stinky is the founder of Stinky’s Diner, a restaurant that existed solely so he could could conduct gastronomical experiments to better the human race. He’d do this by creating food so bad, only a small few could withstand eating it. Not only would Stinky’s burger be an absolute crime to taste, you know the bun would be soggy by the time you got it, each bite would drip out entire litres of spicy mayonnaise onto your lap. His burger would be a crime against humanity, and your body would go through all circles of Dante’s Inferno to survive it.

0/10.

If you’re keen on grabbing a burger right now, the chicken burger experts at Red Rooster have just launched a bunch of new fried chicken burgers including The Picklebird, which as the name suggests, goes heavy on the pickles. There’s also the Reds Burger, which features its special herb mayo, the Spicy Burger, which is packed with Reds Hot Sauce, and the revamped BBQ Bacon Burger, which is smothered in honey BBQ sauce and crispy onions.

You can grab them from your local Red Rooster and on your favourite meal delivery apps right now. You can also purchase each burger as a “triple” (meaning you get three chicken tenders) if you’re feeling extra hungry.

Image Credit: Battlefield Hardline / Street Fighter IV / Cooking Mama / Sam and Max