If there's one thing I've learned as a seasoned consumer of all things horror, it's that situations are rarely as innocent as they seem. Dolls will spring to life and kill you. That big, beautiful house you got for a steal is haunted.

You know how it goes.

I let my guard down with Stardew Valley. "A gentle farming sim," they said. "Get married and grow some artichokes, it's so relaxing." I should have trusted my instincts. As my artichokes grew, so too grew the terror.