In survival game Ark: Survival Evolved, Church of Satan member Citizen V (his "under the horns name") ignores the naked and empty-handed low-level players who supplicate at his tribe's floating base. It's an opulent base where his tribe hatches pteranodons and cultivates their naval armada.

"Anyone worth my time, who enriches my life and brings something to the table -- those are the people worth going out of your way for," Citizen V told me over the phone. He doesn't kill new players on sight. Not all new players are useless, he reasons. If they're consistent, he'll put them to work, maybe give them food and water.

"Please defeat these children," she said. "It looks like they won't learn without some pain." Don't worry, it feels pretty good. Wait...

Teemo, nicknamed "Satan," is such a famously infuriating champion to go against in League of Legends that many players (myself included) recoiled in terror upon hearing that he was getting buffed late this summer. But apparently his changes weren't enough, because today Riot came back with even more.