Too Many Baldur’s Gate 3 Players Choose Basic-Arse Romance

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Too Many Baldur’s Gate 3 Players Choose Basic-Arse Romance
This y'alls king? (Screenshot: Larian Studios)

Baldur’s Gate 3 developer Larian Studios has been steadily releasing updates on the progress of their new game, including information on popular player choices. A couple of weeks ago, they jokingly chided players for choosing boring character creator options. This week’s new peek into the data includes how many times players have pet the dog (400,000) and who the majority of players romanced: Gale.

No, not Lae’zel, the githyanki who gives off major praying mantis vibes in that she’d rip your head off the minute you rolled over post coitus, nor the sweet yet guarded priest Shadowheart, who is probably the only well adjusted companion — but Gale. The wizard who has nothing going for him except the fact that he kinda looks like Kotaku’s own Ethan Gach.

As pointed out by USGamer, 33% of BG3 players romanced Gale. This information is most distressing for me, High Priestess of the Cult of Astarion, because there’s an actual, drop dead (literally) gorgeous vampire twink whose voice drips sex even when he’s dying in agony right there... but Gale?? Now I know there is a not-small contingent of monster boners out there who are waiting patiently on the romanceable illithid option (mmm, tentacles) and my heart goes out to you. Y’all don’t really have any good options, so I respect going the path of least resistance. But Gale is just so boring.

I personally find him inoffensive as a companion. My tiefling fighter would absolutely share a beer with the wizard as we recounted adventuring stories of our youth around the campfire. But when it comes time to take someone back with me to the bedroll, I’d prefer someone with a little bit more personality than “Cayde-6 but make him a human wizard.”

I will admit though, when it was time for Astarion and I to get down to business, I was so embarassed by his extremely assertive “Hey I wanna fuck you! Let’s fuck.” dialogue that I actually hid my face in my hands. I am a grown woman and completely unashamed of my desires for fictional characters, but that dialogue was a little too much for even me. Whereas Gale’s dialogue pre-dick down was actually charming and reminded me of something The Iron Bull from Dragon Age: Inquisition would say — sexy and suggestive but also comforting.

Yes! Him! He is the one I want! Gimmie! (Screenshot: Larian Studios) Yes! Him! He is the one I want! Gimmie! (Screenshot: Larian Studios)

I realise that Early Access prevents me from seeing the breadth of Gale’s character. Maybe whenever Baldur's Gate 3 is fully released, he’ll woo me with that oh-so-charming snark that reminds me of (criminally un-romanceable) Varric from Dragon Age 2 or Kaidan from Mass Effect. For now, I’ll stick with Astarion and respect the bravery of everyone who took Lae’zel to bed while I wait for my true prince charming: the demon Raphael.

Comments

  • He has what the Germans would call “a face in need of a punch”.

    The Germans would probably say that in German, but that’d take more time and effort to look up than I’m prepared for while I wait here for my kettle to boil

  • Hey! If it weren’t for people settling for those boring types, my wife would’ve never said yes to my marriage proposal!

  • Seriously spying on every detail of your players after they stupidly paid you money to be your QA person is fucking hilarious.. Done with this trend of lazy inept companies to trash to pay for professional testers.. Have not and will not ever ever pay for a shell of a game.. Much less one that watches the character editor and choices.. Looks like spyware to me

    • Look, good on you for sticking to your principles/irrational anger at the universe, but seriously, I’m sure the data is completely de-identified. But even if not, who really cares if the world finds out that you have a thing for kick-ass Githyanki warriors.

      And in any case, any day-one purchase has been unpaid playtesting for decades. At least this way you’re going in with your eyes wide open.

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