NFTs (Non-Fungible Tokens) have exploded in popularity in 2021. This sucks. NFTs use blockchain technology to allow artists and creators to sell a “special type of cryptographic token which represents sgomething unique”, so each token is one-of-a-kind. Though to be clear: only the token itself is certified as unique. The digital art, video, or whatever-file connected to that token isn’t actually unique and can easily be shared and copied freely. All you own when buying an NFT is a really expensive receipt, not the actual digital file.
Thank god someone finally solved the problem of not being able to pay money to pretend you own a jpg
— pixelatedboo-at aka “mr spooky tweets” (@pixelatedboat) March 9, 2021
Not only is all of this a weird scam built upon “owning” a non-unique and easily-copied jpg, but Blockchains, which also power cryptocurrencies like Bitcoin, are incredibly bad for the environment! A single Bitcoin transaction uses as much energy as a single US household does in about two months. Oh, and let’s not forget that effectively mining coins and using the blockchain takes a lot of computing power and that has led to a massive increase in e-waste and has made it harder than ever to find video cards and other computer parts.
Even though NFTs are basically a worthless scam that are accelerating the destruction of our already shattered environment, that hasn’t stopped celebrities from launching their own NFT schemes. And boy howdy, the list of celebrities and famous folks who have scrambled to get in on the NFT gold rush is both hilarious and sad. Mostly sad. Let’s go!
Snoop Dogg – The rapper and entertainer (and terrible Twitch streamer) is very into NFTs and crypto. Recently he sold 1000 NFT tickets to join him in a “Private Ethereum Metaverse Party.” He’s also spent millions on NFTs.
Lindsay Lohan – The actress famous for being in that one really funny SNL skit featuring Debbie Downer and maybe some other stuff, announced on September 29 that she was selling an NFT piece of furry art. Twitter user Subway Gorilla perfectly summed this up stating: “‘Lindsay Lohan’s fursona is directly contributing to the extinction of our species is not a phrase I expected to ever say but here we are.”
Grimes – Musician, artist, and former Elon Musk lover, Grimes is big on NFTs. Are you really surprised by that? In March, she sold a collection of NFT “ART” for around $US6 ($8) million. One video sold for an astounding $US389k. Here’s a direct download to that video for free.
William Shatner – That guy who was in all those Priceline commercials is also apparently down with NFTs. In July, he sold 125,000 NFT trading cards featuring images of Shatner, his former Star Trek co-stars, and even an x-ray image of his teeth. Piccard was always the better captain.
Paris Hilton – NFTs are hot. Wait, that’s probably too old of a reference at this point. Anyway, the “famous for being famous” Hilton is selling NFTs now. In April, she sold over a million dollars worth of NFT art. She also calls herself the “original influencer” which is probably accurate.
Ellen DeGeneres – As if you needed another reason to not like Ellen DeGeneres, the talk show host, and alleged terrible boss who has also dabbled with NFTs. Now, all the proceeds of her NFT sales went to charity, so you might be tempted to say “Well, that’s nice.” But just remember, she could have also donated money directly to that charity without having to accelerate the end of the world.
Shawn Mendes – I don’t know who Shawn Mendes is but, yup, he’s into NFTs too. Sorry to all of you Mend-heads out there.
Eminem – The rapper who once said he didn’t know how to use a computer, and who in 2009 claimed he didn’t know internet porn existed, is now somehow selling NFTs. We live in the weirdest and dumbest timeline possible. Oh and sorry if you wanted to buy his NFT art, it’s all “sold out.”
Tony Hawk – The most famous skateboarder is fine with NFTs. After doing his last 540, Hawk announced on Instagram that a video of him pulling off the trick will be auctioned off via Ethernity. However, that NFT doesn’t seem to have launched yet. But don’t worry, the Birdman sold an NFT on Draftkings in August.
Lil Nas X – Of all the folks on this list, this one hurts me the most. Nas X’s involvement with NFTs isn’t surprising, as the popular musician and artist has been quick to embrace the internet and his social media presence owns. But it still sucks that he will be involved with TikTok’s push into NFTs. As of this writing, he hasn’t directly addressed the news.
Justin Roiland – One of the main creators behind Rick and Morty, Justin Roiland, has decided that NFTs are something he wants to support. If I watched Rick and Morty, this is where I would include a funny joke or reference. Instead, I’ll do what Roiland does and randomly blabber on about stuff without a script or a plan and as long as I do it in a funny voice, you got content! Ants in my eyes!
…and I’m now tired of thinking about rich people and NFTs.
But there are even more celebs out there who are jumping into the awful world of NFT art and blockchain bullshit, including Cara Delevingne, Mark Cuban, Edward Snowden, Azealia Banks, Steve Aoki, Soulja Boy, Rob Gronkowski, Aphex Twin, Felicia Day, and John Cleese.
When the world ends, at least we can sit around a campfire and tell stories of all the cool NFT art people bought back in the day.