For whatever reason, every time November rolls around a chosen few take it upon themselves to participate in the internet’s self-celibacy challenge: No Nut November.
As silly as it sounds, the celibacy challenge has a huge following online. It’s even got its own dedicated community on the r/nonutnovember subreddit with over 134,000 “nut cumrades” and 3,000 “nut spectators.” The rules for No Nut November, colloquially known as “coitus reservatus” or “The Contest” by Seinfeld enjoyers, are that participants must abstain from having sex, masturbation, or watching anything pornographic within the month of November. Unlike the good old American pastime of baseball, there are no “three strikes and you’re out.” You got one shot to not take so make it count.
Those who choose to participate in the event claim it leads to a wealth of health benefits. Even the self-proclaimed musical genius and Hitler apologist, Kanye West, declared that he’s participating in the challenge in an attempt to cleanse his malleable mind on his official Twitter account. Which just goes to show what going through divorce court does to a MF.
In that same spirit, I thought it’d be fun to point at laugh at this silly tradition by assembling a list of anime characters who wouldn’t shut up about their participation in the challenge, only to fail within a matter of days, if not minutes. Dishonorable mention goes out to Neon Genesis Evangelion’s Shinji Ikari. You’re nasty and you need to get into therapy instead of a giant robot.
Chainsaw Man’s Denji is a simple lad who dreams of attaining the bare minimum in life. Give the boy some toast with jam, and he’ll be forever grateful. Offer to feed him some udon and he’ll be putty in your hands. So it’s no wonder that when Chainsaw Man’s resident gremlin, Power, promised Denji that he can cop a feel of her breasts in exchange for helping her rescue her cat, Meowy, the lad would jump headfirst into being a born-again cat person. I pray one day my boy is freed from the chains that bind him to such a simple-minded dream.
You don’t get the nickname “pervy sage” from the Leaf Village’s future Hokage for no reason. Naruto’s Jiraya, a member of the legendary sanin , is the definition of perverse. The dude couldn’t even give Naruto his undivided attention while teaching him his iconic move, the rasengan, without peeping in on women in bathhouses or making excursions to pleasure houses. As with any grade-A pervert, Jiraya would argue that his proclivities are in service to research towards penning his next smut novel in the Make Out Paradise series. Until his series receives an Oprah sticker on its cover, I’m calling bullshit.
Dragon Ball Z’s Master Roshi is arguably the gold standard for anime’s tendency to give wise old dudes a lot of leeway when it comes to how unabashedly horny they are. Similarly to Jiraya, Roshi refrains from teaching Goku the kamehameha until he brings him a “smoking hot babe.” Keep in mind, Goku was like 11 years old at the time. While the anime community gives the old dude a lot of props for being an OG character in the series, he’s a menace to society as far as the universe’s female characters are concerned. This is probably why the dude lives on an island far away from society.
When we first met Inuyasha’s stoic monk, Miroku, fans foolishly assumed the series had gained a level-headed companion to even out the tumultuous relationship between Kagome Higurashi and Inuyasha. However, this man of faith is only dedicated to one thing: hitting on ladies. To make matters worse, Miroku will use his job of exorcizing demons as an excuse to hit on the women who employ him and boldly ask if they’ll bear his children. Shouts out to Sango, his love interest, for putting up with this man throughout the series’ seemingly endless journey of collecting all of those Shikon jewels.
Netflix’s Devilman Crybaby stands the test of time as one of the streamer’s grittiest and most unapologetically horny anime of all time. At the centre of that storm is the series’ main character, Akira Fudo. After transforming into the great demon, Amon, Akira’s libido skyrockets to self-destructive levels. If the dude isn’t killing demons or hanging out with his bosom buddy, Ryo, he’s got sex on the brain. Even before becoming the great demon, Amon, Akira had a penchant for looking up porn on the family computer and not having the wherewithal to clear his browser history. That’s just messed up.
As the seamster for the fledgling cosplayer Marin Kitagawa, My-Dress Up Darling’s Gojo Wakana has had to witness a wealth of smutty anime in order to accurately craft Marin’s next cosplay. In his research, Gojo would often watch the entire series of Marin’s favourite anime “for the plot” in order to get a handle on the intricacies of her favourite character’s outfits in order to bring authenticity and manoeuvrability to her costumes. It also doesn’t help that he and Marin are totes crushing on each other and that the gyaru sends selfies in bikinis so he can get a good idea of how form-fitting her outfits need to be. Stay strong, my brotha.
In terms of shamelessly horny isekai protagonists, Konosuba’s Satou Kazuma has his face permanently etched on the Mount Rushmore of down-bad protagonists. After crossing into the fantasy world, Kazuma gained the ability to steal items from adventurers. Instead of using it for daring missions to steal a treasure or the like, he’d often opt to use it for stealing girls’ panties whenever they give him lip for being a selfish piece of shit. Luckily, the show doesn’t allow Kazuma to get away with being a creep and gives him his just comeuppance.
While most men that have the fortune of being written by mangaka Ai Yazawa tend to be utter scoundrels who’re irresponsible with other people’s hearts, Nana’s bassist, Nobuo Terashima is a damn baffoon. This is saying something considering he’s sharing an anime with the human garbage can, Takumi Ichinose. When Nana’s main character, Nana Komatsu, decides to be with Takumi instead of Nobuo, Nobuo divebombs headfirst into a spree of flirting and sleeping with any woman that’ll give him the time of day. This is all the sadder to watch play out in the manga because whenever he’s close to reaching some sort of emotional breakthrough and returning to being the sweat cinnamon bun fans grew to love, he puts a bandaid over his heart by having copious amounts of sex
Admittedly, when I was assembling names for this list, the first one to come to mind was Mushoku Tensei: Jobless Reincarnation’s Paul Greyrat. While the anime’s overall screentime would dictate the crown for the most perverted character to rest squarely on the head of his equally perverse son, Rudeus, Paul’s sexual proclivity damn-near landed him in the fantasy world’s divorce court. The former “toughest knight there ever was” and his mage wife, Zenith, are incredibly sex-positive. So much so, everyone in the entire village knows exactly when the two are enacting “the beast with two backs.” However, one fateful day, it’s revealed that Paul’s housemaid, Lilia, is pregnant and Paul’s the father. Like an episode of Maury, the situation is made all the worse because the revelation comes shortly after his wife announces they’re expecting a second kid. Instead of leaving this mortal plane for his infidelity, Paul somehow ends up rolling a natural 20, and his son talks Zenith into welcoming Lilia and her newborn into the family as Paul’s second wife. Only in a fantasy anime can such a miraculous solution happen.
Out of all the men on this list, Rent-A-Girlfriend protagonist Kazuya Kinoshita would have failed the NNN challenge before the clock ever struck midnight on November first. If you share the misfortune of watching the anime or reading the manga as I have, you’ll know all too well that this dude is the absolute worst.Kazuya feels entitled to being the centre of attention from Chizuru Ichinose, a sex worker whose job is to go on dates with people who hire her. When she breaks it down to him that he signed an agreement to not get too personal with her, he decides to lie to his grandmother and start the charade of her and him being a Facebook official couple. To make matters all the more frustrating, the lens of the anime and manga paint Kazuya as a paragon among men whenever he happens to do a genuinely nice thing for the harem of women who feel inextricably drawn to him despite his pigheadedness around consent and boundaries. Kazuya sucks and I can’t wait for the anime and manga to finally end.
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