E.T., The Beloved Alien Who Nearly Murdered A Little Boy, Is For Sale

My fear of and hatred for E.T., the horrible nutsack alien from Steven Spielberg’s supposedly charming 1982 film E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial, has been well-documented on this site and others. So I may seem to be an odd choice to bring you the news that the animatronic model used in the film — specifically, the metal “skeleton” inside the puppet that did the actual moving — is going up for auction. But when I have the chance to evangelize the objective truth that E.T. is a monster, I must take it.

Here’s the official description of the number one item from the “Julien’s Auctions and TCM Present: Icons and Idols: Hollywood” auction:

“Headlining this epic event is the E.T. the Extra Terrestrial Hero ‘#1′ Mechatronic filming model ‘actor’ that brought the eponymous character to life in Steven Spielberg’s 1982 classic E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (estimate: $US2,000,000 ($2,776,400) – $US3,000,000 ($4,164,600)). Pre-dating modern CGI technology and effects, this one-of-a-kind cinematographic relic (constructed in 1981) features 85 points of movement and is regarded as an engineering masterpiece.”

Now, behold the “engineering masterpiece”:

Guys, this is E.T.: The Extra-Terminator. He’s horrifying and I hate him, but the irony here is that I still find him far less terrifying than regular E.T. Honestly, the worst part about the model is his face, which is too recognisable as E.T. to me. Still, I feel quite vindicated by the discovery that this monster was also a Terminator, since he did knowingly form a psychic bond with the boy Elliott, ensuring Elliott would die as well if E.T.’s horrible alien family didn’t arrive in time. (Yes, I know E.T. severed the bond just before expiring, but that just means he could have severed it at any time previously, but instead wanted to watch a child suffer as long as possible.)

This nightmare isn’t the only E.T. movie memorabilia at the auction; the original maquette and blueprints Spielberg used to approve of the alien’s disgusting design will also be available. If you’re not interested in spending hundreds of thousands of dollars to own these, they’ll be on display at the Cineteca Milano – Museo Interattivo del Cinema in Milan, Italy, which is acceptably far enough away from me if I don’t have the option to launch it all into the sun. The exhibit begins November 6 and runs through January 29. The auction itself, however, will take place on December 17 and 18.