Everyone will be able to see Star Wars: The Force Awakens soon. You know what that means, right? SPOILERS WILL BE EVERYWHERE.
Hell, those of us who are unlucky enough may already be spoiled, thanks to jerks on the internet spreading all sorts of info about The Force Awakens. Stephen Colbert knows how horrible that is, so he’s come up with a plan: flood the internet with fake spoilers, so that nobody knows what’s real and what’s not. He’s already thrown his hat into the ring, as evidenced by his Twitter:
There’s a scene where Chewbacca gets into some dark chocolate and has to spend the night at the vet. #spoilerspoilers
— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) December 17, 2015
That tri-blade lightsaber turns out to be able to talk. Its catchphrase: “Hey! I’m lightsaberin’ here!” #spoilerspoilers
— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) December 17, 2015
Samuel L. Jackson comes back to life as Mace Windu and exclaims, “What’s in your wallet?” #spoilerspoilers
— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) December 17, 2015
Once everyone finds out they’re delicious, the Ewoks are hunted to extinction. #spoilerspoilers
— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) December 17, 2015
Heh. Realistically speaking, though, if you want to avoid spoilers for Star Wars, you either have to see the newest movie ASAP, or you have to unplug from humanity until you can do so. It sucks, I know.
Comments
8 responses to “Stephen Colbert’s Ridiculous Plan To Save Everyone From Star Wars Spoilers”
My solution was to bite the bullet and go to a session by myself last night. Spoiler-safe now!
How was?
I do this for every big movie or video game………not to spoil spoilers………..i just like to have people think ive spoiled the movie and then when they see the movie realize im full of shit……..why yes, I am a complicated man to love………
I went to the midnight premier, so I’m safe but all over Facebook probably the biggest spoiler of the whole movie is plastered everywhere.
hmmmm, I know.
the chewbacca/han solo love child??
I know its lonely in space but who knew Chewbacca was a chick all along??
I’ve had a filter (using FBPurity) set to remove any posts containing “Star Wars” from my feed set up for the last few months. Even though I went to a midnight screening I’m still leaving it on. Seems easier.
Snape kills DumbledoreSENSORY DEPRIVATOR 5000!!!
http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/himym/images/5/5c/Monday_night_football_-_sensory_deprivator_1.png/revision/latest?cb=20101107205602