You will probably never get these kinds of speeds from the PlayStation Network. And the funny thing is, neither could we. That was until we made one single change.
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As sports fans will be well aware, the Australian Open tennis grand slam is currently playing host to a lot of athletes busy either underperforming, not giving a shit or confounding expectations entirely.
So what does a fan do when things aren't going to plan on the court? You make your own virtual player and beat the snot out of everyone. And to help you rectify the errors and on-court apathy, here's the best virtual recreations of tennis in video games.
Remember that moment of AUSSIE RETAIL JUSTICE when JB Hi-Fi stood side-by-side with Hideo Kojima and stuck it real hard to Konami?
That was pretty cool.
Now JB Hi-Fi is focusing its prodigious sign making abilities on another game.
Resident Evil 7.
It's called Crash Club, and you can sign up to play in the beta right now.
Bad luck everyone: you all failed to guess Friday and Monday's game. It was Mario Party 2: the original drawing was from the stadium where one of the mini-games was played, while the second drawing was one of the spots where you could land on the board.
Maybe that was a little too hard. Let's see how you all go today.
Congratulations - it's a short working week! For some people, their work week ends on Wednesday. Others will be back for a (fairly casual) Friday, like myself. But whatever your working schedule, most people will be enjoying Australia Day with friends, family and food.
And because it's Australia Day, there's no better time to grab a BBQ and torch the living snot out of some meat and veg.
Last year, the unthinkable happened. I was in Taipei for Computex. I'd just walked into a group press conference ready to take notes and transcribe. I opened up my Macbook Air and ... half the screen was blank. In between interviews, my screen died.
So like many people, I waited most of 2016 hoping Apple would announce a serviceable replacement for the Macbook Air. But they never did. So over the last month, I've been using Razer's similarly-priced answer: the latest Razer Blade Stealth laptop.
If your caffeine hasn't hit in yet and you slept like crap, here's what you missed overnight: The Dragon Ball Anime Might Have Its First Super Saiyan Woman • Sean Spicer Is A Fan Of Katsucon • Star Wars: Episode VIII Is Now Star Wars: The Last Jedi • Counter-Strike Pro Wins Epic Shootout Against The Entire Enemy Team