WIN! Dante’s Inferno PS3/360 Game And Book

We know you're lusting after a copy of EA's hellish new action adventure, Dante's Inferno. Here's how you could be the envy of all your friends.

Dante’s Inferno is the new action adventure from EA and Visceral Games, the guys responsible for Dead Space and The Godfather. It’s based on the Divine Comedy, the classic work of 14th century Italian literature written by Dante Alighieri depicting the poet’s journey into the afterlife and through the nine circles of Hell.

You can find out from producer Jonathan Knight just how Visceral reimagined Dante’s Inferno, from poetry to playability, in our interview.

We’ve got eight copies of Dante’s Inferno – four Xbox, four PS3 – and eight copies of the book to give away this week. Each day, until Friday, we’ll be offloading two prize packs: one with the 360 version and book, the other with the PS3 version and book.

To win, we want to know your picks for the Seven Deadly Sins of Gaming. Dante’s description of Purgatory contained his interpretation: pride, envy, wrath, sloth, avarice, gluttony and lust.

But what for you are the most objectionable vices in video gaming? Don’t just give us a list, explain your choices.

Leave your entry in the comments below along with your console preference (don’t say both). You must also include a valid email address or use Facebook Connect. Entries close at midnight EDT tonight and the two daily winners will be announced tomorrow when the new draw opens.

And the winners of Wednesday's draw are zombiechews and Jim Savannah. Click the links to jump straight to their winning entries.

Good luck!

[Terms and Conditions]


    To avoid the seven deadly sins of game development, one must simply follow the gamer's guide.

    Known: Know your goals for the game, strive for and achieve them. Accept nothing less.
    Onion: Your game must have layers, it must have depth. Don't make it one dimensional.
    Tested: Test, Test and Test! Don't release a broken game even if it results in a delay.
    Abandoned: See you project through to completion, don't become vapourware. (eg: DNF)
    Killing: Like sex, killing sells video games. Consider this wisely when setting goals.
    Update: Update your game post release. Patches and free DLC will extend the longevity of the game

    Console: PS3

    Sin No 1: Work – The world needs to recognise that many in the world do not have work, therefore leading to poverty. Everyone needs to move to a 3 day week allowing time for family and one dedicated day of gaming. The world is instantly a better place

    Sin No 2: 24 hours days - Each day needs to be lengthened to 48 hours, allowing for 8 hours of work/study, 8 hours sleep and 32 hours to game.

    Sin No 3: Food – space food through tubes should be available from normal isles in food stores, allowing for gaming without the need to take a break

    Sin No 4: Bowel Movement – Every school should teach how to self install colostomy bags

    Sin No 5: Eye Health – To ensure we do not undermine the nations health system in the area of eye health, the medical profession needs to provide “medicine” that induces a healthy 1 hour coma, ensuring deep sleep is able to be achieved after every 1 hour of gaming or when level is complete!

    Sin No 6: Friendship – New social clubs should be formed, replacing such clubs as Bowling Clubs, where hats can be worn, lounges and individual large screens, colostomy bags, space food and buses are provided for transport to and from home. This would be made available in every suburb. EVERY SUBURB!! Thus allowing for greater community and your family could visit.

    Sin No 7: Competitions - Greater Supply of games to win in competitions thus allowing 50% of the gaming population to win a free game every month. Equality for all!

      GAH! PS3!

    I called it! The PS3 winner zombiechews yesterday... That's as good as a win for me! :p

    Congratulations to yesterdays winners!

    1. Silent Protagonists: I get that you want us to be immersed in your story but it's starting to just come across as lazy. I've never been more immersed in a game than when I played Uncharted 2 and Mass Effect 1 & 2. Enough said.

    2. Online Multiplayer Trophies/Achievements: To start I'm not a huge fan of online multiplayer in the first place but if I do play I don't want to have to try and get 100,000 headshots in ranked matches.

    3. Short Games: I'm looking at you Modern Warfare. Having already said that I'm not the biggest fan of online play I hate it when a game is 5 hours long just because, "the focus is really on the multiplayer." Really? You couldn't have thrown in a few more levels?

    4. Making Your Game for the Wii: If you aren't Nintendo then don't do it. Period.

    5. Thinking a Shoot-Em-Up Can Have an Emotionally Charged Story: Halo and Gears of War are fun but when people start getting excited for a sequel so that they can learn more about the Halo universe that's when I get annoyed. I've played games that had good stories and I've played Gears. Don't get the two things confused.

    6. Forcing Co-op: Army of Two and Resident Evil 5 are fun enough games... when there is someone else playing it with you. But you don't always have a second person to play with. Sometimes you just want to play by your lonesome. So a game actually being more challenging and less fun when by yourself is downright cruel.

    7. Fixing "Mistakes": This one is aimed at the player. When playing a game like Fallout 3, Grand Theft Auto IV or Mass Effect the choices that you make have a profound impact on the development of the characters and the story. If you make a choice then you should stick with it. Saying, "Oops, I didn't mean to kill that guy I just wanted to see what would happen," diminishes the story that is being told by doing the exact opposite of what it's supposed to do. Make you care about the choices you make. If you just load up an old save then any choice you make is effectively meaningless as at anytime you can rectify them. They're your choices, live with them and if you really want to just see what happens then play through again.


    Dante came upon the gates of the Gamers’ Hell. He looked up, seeing an inscription, “Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.” His guide, the Spectator hovered ghostly next to him. The Spectators were the souls of those that had committed neither sin, nor works of good. Instead, they preferred to live their lives watching other people play without joining the game. Dante moved through the gates, before him lay the infernal circles of Hell.

    The first circle was limbo. Here resided those who had never played video games, and those who only played Wii. Having never played games they were unable to commit virtuous acts, and thusly unable to ascend to the Gamers’ heaven.

    Coming upon the second circle, Dante discovered the first sin; not being a team player. Here souls are condemned to a never-ending darkness and forced to endure it alone. Dante’s eyes scanned the circle, as he walked through it, seeing such people as Leeroy Jenkins and James Bond. The Spectator guided him through the circle, taking him across a giant stone bridge to the next.

    The third circle represented the sin of sloth. Here, the souls that never played games on any other difficulty than easy suffered. In the afterlife they found themselves relentlessly chased and killed by only the most difficult bosses. Dante entered the circle and found himself face to face with a demon wearing a gas mask upon his face. “Psycho Mantis,” he exclaimed as he drew his sword. He swung, his blade slashing harmlessly through the figure. But in Dante’s past life, he had played Metal Gear Solid, and knew how to best his foe. He sheathed his sword, drawing another that operated on the second controller port. With a mighty slash, he slew the demon. Another figure appeared, an angelic figure with one wing; Sephiroth. Dante ran, guided by the Spectator and quickly escaped to the next circle.

    Spectator explained that the next two circles were entwined into one, catering to the antonymous sins of Pro and Noob. Dante listened as the Spectator explained that Pros were those who took every game much more seriously than was necessary. Instead of playing for a fun and honourable victory they sought to oppress other players and shout vulgarities over team speak when they lost. The Noobs on the other hand were players who were just plain rubbish, and didn’t care about the match, nor about improving their own skills. Dante smiled as he travelled through the circles. Each Pro’s punishment was to be placed on a team full of Noobs and play Modern Warfare 2 for all eternity. The Noobs punishment was to be forced to listen to an onslaught of insults and teabags from the Pro.

    Past the next checkpoint, the sixth circle waited. Inside Dante found the sin of Fraud. Spectator explained that this circle was reserved for developers and retailers who had exploited their video games to extort as much money as possible from the virtuous gamers. Spinning discs hacked limbs from the developers that removed content from games and then sold them as DLC. Just ahead giant soundtracks, figurines and other exclusive special editions were chasing an Electronics Boutique employee around in circles.

    Finally, Dante came upon the last circle; censorship. This circle was reserved for those who had committed far more insidious acts and crimes against the gaming community itself. The flaming chandeliers cast an unusual square shaped shadow over him. Quickly, he looked up, seeing the spiky stone Thwomp. He jumped forward as the giant stone block fell to the ground where had stood just seconds ago. More Thwomps fell and Dante jumped from place to place before reaching a safe checkpoint. Dante’s eyes filled with joy as he noticed Attorney-General Michael Atkinson being crushed by a giant Thwomp, his body regenerating soon after. Predators, bearing banners displaying a black symbol with the letters R18+, chased him as they hungered for his head as a trophy.


    Seven Deadly Sins of Gaming
    Addiction - Sitting on a couch with an imprint of your ass playing Mass Effect 2 and realising the birds are chirping out your window!
    Rage - Throwing your controller because your just had to repeat that mission for the 20th time
    Annoyance - Making stupid noises in your headset or worse playing Arnold Schwartzenegger soundboards into it
    Abundance - Purchasing every new game of the year until you realise you have only played half of all of them
    Crush - Having a massive crush on a sexy game character to the extent you are downloading pictures off the net.
    Grime - Not cleaning your controller for so long it has a build up of gamer-jam in its recesses.
    Neglect - Not putting your discs back in their cases so that most games you own don't play due drink stains and cigarette ash.

    Xbox360 please!

    Can we re-enter yesterday's entries?

      No, they must be original.

    Licenced Games:
    The first of the Seven Deadly Sins of Gaming that so angers God is the sin of the Licenced Game. Should a developer commit the sin of crafting a barely-completed game that rides on the name of the film it is based upon, he will be cast down into the first circle of Hell to forever churn out games based upon the entire catalogue of Asylum films with development deadlines that grow ever shorter. And lo, for it is written: to sculpt a polygonal idol of Robert Downey Junior is sacrilege in the eyes of God.

    Tacked-on Motion Controls:
    The second of the Seven Deadly Sins of Gaming that so angers God is the sin of Tacked-on Motion Controls. Should a developer commit the sin of crafting a game in which the player is forced to flail with poor response when a button press should suffice, he shall be cast down into the second circle of Hell where he will be beset by swarms of wasps and forced to swat at them for all eternity. And lo, for it is written: to wave one's arms from thine couch is a crude an vulgar gesture in the eyes of God.

    Quicktime Events During Cutscenes:
    The third of the Seven Deadly Sins of Gaming that so angers God is the sin of Quicktime Events During Cutscenes. Should a developer commit the sin of crafting a game in which the player is lulled by exposition and then struck down by a sudden flash of the square button, he shall be cast down into the third circle of Hell to have his nuggets presented to a slavering hound that will tear them from his crotch unless the correct button is pushed at the correct time. And lo, it is written: to be unable to take a dump during a cutscene is most unreasonable in the eyes of God.

    EB Exclusivety:
    The fourth of the Seven Deadly Sins of Gaming that so angers God is the sin of making a special edition exclusive to EB. Should a publisher sign a deal with the Devil of game retailers, thus forcing the player who desires that sweet, delicious steelbook case to pay the EB markup, he shall be cast down into the fourth circle of Hell to forever offer reasonable prices for trade-ins. And lo, for it is written: a five-dollar game-guarantee is a total gyp in the eyes of God.

    The Use of 'Z':
    The fifth of the Seven Deadly Sins of Gaming that so angers God is the sin of using 'Z' in the title of a game instead of 'S'. Should a developer commit the sin of crafting a game with a title that uses the letter 'Z' to pluralise, he shall be cast down into the fifth circle of Hell to forever read dictionaries until his eyes bleed. And lo, for it is written: "Babyz" is a fucking stupid title in the eyes of God.

    The sixth of the Seven Deadly Sins of Gaming that so angers God is the sin of adding Edginess to a game to make it seem more "mature". Should a developer commit the sin of adding swearing, "brutal" finishing moves, or tits to a game with no rhyme or reason, he shall be cast down into the sixth circle of Hell to be eviscerated by a foul-mouthed generic tough guy, only to be healed immediately afterwards in an eternal cycle. And lo, for it is written: a Persian prince with black eyeshadow is an abomination in the eyes of God.

    Shovelware Outselling Quality:
    The seventh and most heinous of the Seven Deadly Sins of Gaming that so angers God is the sin of shovelware titles outselling quality software. Should a customer commit the sin of wandering aimlessly into a game store, shuffling and fumbling at the shelves, drooling and mumbling with complete and utter abject stupidity, and he chooses a copy of Carnival Games over ICO or Metroid Prime, he will be cast down into the blackest pit of Hell, the seventh circle, where he will be frozen in place by MY tears and have an endless supply of crappy party games shovelled into his anus for all eternity. And lo, for it is written: if you were one of the people who contributed to Carnival Games outselling Metroid Prime 3, you are a worthless sack of crap in the eyes of God and I hope he beats you up.

      Derp, PS3 version.

        Heed my word, my pretties, for the seven deadly sins of the gaming world are no trifling matter. They must be strictly avoided, for the price their breach must exact is more than you bear.

        Ab initio, we have the first dreaded sin, THE CAREER. Earning money must not go so far as to impinge upon your game time. Work only so much as to be able to purchase that next new release-- any efforts to gain employment beyond this will only see you Tarred and Feathered.

        Secondly, we have the NAGGING PARTNER. Do not pursue any relationship which may be detrimental to your gaming uptime. If your significant other demands more of your time, demand a break up, and find more significance in your monitor.

        Thirdly, is DEHYDRATION. Ordinarily, gamers should not condone distractions, but failure to hydrate will only result in more downtime in hospital. Remember, there is no promise of gaming inside the pearly gates, so staving death serves to extend your gaming longevity.

        Fourthly, avoid MALNUTRITION at all costs. Like dehydration before it, failure to eat will only result in unnecessary downtime as you are drip-fed on a hospital bed. There is yet to exist a medical facility that supports your gaming needs, and until such a date that one emerges, you would do well to heed this warning.

        Fifthly, is the curse of the HIGH-PITCHED VOICE. If your balls have yet to drop, you must NEVER vocalize your impotence over a headset where fellow gamers can hear you. Failure to do so will see you visited by Il Pollo Diablo, and Tarred and Feathered.

        Sixthly we have ONLINE CHEATING. Only the most miserable of creatures resort to exploits and hacking to prove their worth. Competitive gaming is a pissing contest; if you bring a fire-hose to the party, there will be rained on you such untold horrors as your paltry mind can scarcely conceive. For all of eternity. By Murray, the demonic skull.

        And lastly but of no lesser stature, the Seventh deadly sin of gaming; THE RAGE QUIT. Though aggressive gaming is a genuine beatitude, one must harness that anger into action. Losing your grip on your rage to the extent that it desists your gaming is UNFORGIVABLE. It is a detriment to your peers, your team and your gamer cred'. There are no second chances-- you will immediately be banned. From LIFE.

        Do not fail me.

        Preferred Console: PS3

      You should win!
      Hands down!
      Couldnt have said it better if I had your brain for myself. : D

    x-box version

    Gluttony – Buying new titles to just have them stockpile up and never ever break the seal and let them sniff what the drive of my ps3/360 are like even though you have a massive backlog of games to get through and not enough time.

    Lust – Having an e-relationship with some women in everquest/wow totally upon the fact that you lust over them night elve asses or lust over her voice in vent

    Greed – ROLLING ON EPIC LOOT YOU DONT NEED JUST BECAUSE YOU WANT TO! or, you feel that that person is “too noob” to acquire such an item.

    Sloth – Not caring about the finer technical points of a game and skipping cut scenes because you just dont care, neglecting the awesomeness of games because you want to speed run through.

    Wrath – Me breaking a ps2 slim over my knee because of Dragonball Z was “apparantly” cheating.. or, ONYXIA WIPE! MORE DOTS DOTS MORE DOTS!!!

    Envy – Me being so poor as a child that i envied every one of my friends who had a playstation console when i was still playing a mega drive :(

    Pride – Confronting the angry HALO community on live and copping a verbal beating from them and their inflated chests full of pride because you aren’t as good.

    PS3 please

    The sins are as follows.

    1. NIGHT FEARS- It may seem tempting to stay up all night playing games, slamming down gritty black coffee because you are young and misunderstand how a percolator works, but it will only lead to ruin. You will find yourself locked in your room, drawing pictures and constructing a large scrapbook depicting the time you believed you were in a band with a dragon.
    2. OVEREATING- It is unfortunate that the best food to eat while playing video games is a construction that involves nachos, a bag of oven bake chips, two meat pies and a slightly warmed can of refried beans. Especially when you are young and you misunderstand that food pyramid chart where all the foods of the world are ruled by a triumvirate consisting of a slice of cake, a packet of crisps and a plastic bag full of grease.
    3. INCREASED LUST- Over that girl that works at the juice bar down the street from where I shop. I'm not sure if this has anything to do with gaming, I just really dig her.
    4. TENDENCY TO ANGER- Gaming can easily drive one to envision themselves flying atop a giant eagle, dressed as Julius Caesar while firing arrows at a giant melting statue of Hitler. Yes sir, gaming can drive you to the angriest fantasies there is. Attending David Gest and Liza Minnelli's wedding, morphing into a bear half way through and then clawing the shit out of their cake? Already fantasised it, thanks again gaming.
    5. COUCH NAPPING- It happens often. Playing a game, slump back into relaxed mode, then take up the full couch with a Roman patrician style eating position and BAM! Couch nap in progress. Wake up half an hour later and search around the house for your keys before realising you don't even drive and you will know that the point of no return has been entered.
    6. FALSE PROPHECIES- My nan used to think she was a prophet, once she saw the Virgin Mary appear at the foot of her bed. We later found out that our gas bottles had been slowly leaking and it was going directly up to the window and flooding her room. I once had a similar prophecy dream, when I ate two cans of refried beans, fell asleep and dreamt of a game that combines the town of Deadwood, the characters of Firefly and the beautiful music of Ryan Adams. Not Bryan Adams.
    7. DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR- The biggest sin in this list is delusions of grandeur. Games can inspire one to engage themselves in horrible situations. You've never known fear until you find yourself walking like a character from Oblivion, drinking abundant amounts of scotch and then wailing like a baby into your friends bean bag while he makes a poor attempt at playing Chopin on a near-by upright piano.

    I was going to translate this into Italian and have it appear aside the English text, but I was obstructed by a lack of time and understanding of the Italian language.

    [email protected]

    XBOX 360

    I’m going to pick my vices of computer games creation. These being deadly sins that computer game makers constantly fall into when producing a game:

    Pride – We wont use a feature no matter how much the community wants it: This could be removing LAN or dedicated servers no matter how much the player base screams for it. You should ALWAYS listen to the customer. You lose players if you don’t cater for the genuine needs of the player base.

    Envy – Stealing everyone elses features: Game companies love to steal the features of all the popular games, string them together and hope that makes a best seller. Generally this causes some freak zombie monster that most people scream and run at the sight of.

    Wrath – Over promising, leading to game suicide: Suicide is considered the ultimate form of wrath. Game makers often promise everything then release only a small portion of what they promised. Players feel let down and sometimes miss what are good games because they expect a great game. Early players tell the world it stinks, players avoid it for something better.

    Sloth – Producing a game crippled with bugs then take forever to address them: Nothing ruins your fun more then feeling like the game is broken. Whether you work for 10 hours and get stuck with no turning back or you play online watching people kill you while cartwheeling like a circus performer, you still feel like you should quit, eat the disc and move on.

    Avariance – Printing money, not making quality games: A number of companies stick to cloning. Same game, different dress. Evolution of games is a must, but straight cloning is a sin. I’m sick of your Halo clone with starcraft levels thrown in while I level up like diablo.

    Gluttony – Releasing a game obviously premature: While this overlaps with sloth, a number of game companies use the customers as beta testers. This often destroys the player base who quickly drop the game for the new best selling hello kitty first person torture game.

    Lust – Use of female characters as a sex selling feature: Use of scatily clad, personalityless fap factories as the pivotal selling point for a game is just plain bad. Some games do do female characters right. Having a good sexy lovable female character is great. Most do it badly though. Then there is dead or alive, it gets its own catagory of bad.

    Either PS3 or Xbox

    This is a tale of seven friends and their fails.
    For each one holds a sin from hording to betrayals.
    The first friend is blighted, he does not move from his chair.
    No matter how much we scream for him to shower he seems not to care.
    The smell is beyond awful, it makes us gag up our lunch.
    And quite recently we are certain there’s fungus growing on his hunch.
    The second friend sits high above, looking down on us from his chair.
    Look how many trophies I have he will proclaim. Yet none of us really care.
    He plays his games through and through simply to proclaim.
    My score is higher than yours. You are all noobs and lame.
    The third friend sits hidden amongst his gear.
    Every single peripheral he owns. Why? It isn’t clear.
    For every game he buys, he buys the wand, the football, the racket.
    Even if he has bought them before and simply doesn’t realized they have been simply repackaged.
    We hope one day he will strike the idea.
    Its not what you own but who you play it with which is what us gamers hold dear.
    The forth friend is heard at every frag, every bit of lag.
    His thunderous exclamations send shivers down our spines for all every opponent he will slag.
    A thunderous blow sends tremors across his desk, for nothing more then one of us making a rocket connect with his chest.
    We wish he would simply enjoy himself, we wish he would play for fun.
    But if you make the mistake of killing his virtual life. He make sure he will kill your real one.
    The fifth friend sits there day after day. Farming mudkips for their gold and hording it away.
    We pleaded to his sanity, the poor things have family.
    Yet he gleefully killed them, wave after wave, till no more was their proud race and simply gold took their place
    Standing above their ruined village, he would simply ponder.
    I heard a moonkin vest would sell highly to those over yonder.
    The sixth friend, his individuality he has thrown away. To become mirrors of us in every way.
    Same controllers, same games, even his playing style is the same.
    He copies all around him for reasons we can not accept. Every trait which we could call his, he has thrown down the drain.
    Why do you wish to always be like us? Why do you have to be the same. It’s the individual perks of our opponents we relish.
    If we all played exactly alike, games would be mundane.
    Our last friend we find, has quite the perverted mind.
    Dating sims are his choice of game, but he claims even they are just too tame.
    Posters of every heroine from every game cover from wall to ceiling.
    If you ever looked inside his closet, the pictures there would have anyone reeling.
    Even with all these displays around him he claims all his intentions are from a pure heart.
    Yet when confronted on his tastes he would reply. Rape Play is not porn, it is art!
    So this is the tale of the seven friends, their lives full of sin.
    If I had a console of choice it would be the PS3 but that would only matter if I win.

    Having had a Viva Piñata addiction at various times over the past couple of years, I thought I'd list Dante's sins with their Viva Piñata representatives:

    Lust – Whirlm
    If you have a whirlm house and a scrap of dirt, you have horny whirlms. They’re insatiable.

    Pride – Swanana
    The Narcissus of the Piñata world, they preen and croon to themselves in self-delight.

    Envy – Cluckles
    Hatching eggs may seem an altruistic action but it hides a deep envy. Who are these piñatas to have eggs and so many of them?

    Sloth – Taffly
    Direct a taffly to a piece of fruit and it consumes it, leaving behind a pile of umm… fertiliser. They have no care for bodily wastes.

    Wrath - Sour Bonboon
    This canny piñata uses its wrathful ways to start fights amongst others.

    Avarice – Professor Pester
    Professor Peter and his Ruffians enter your garden at will, causing general destruction. Pay them and they go away. Protection racket anyone?

    Gluttony – Elephanilla
    An Elephanilla won’t become a garden resident until it has eaten 16 pieces of fruit. It won’t breed until it’s consumed another 8. Elephanillas do nothing without being fed first.

    360 please.

    I present to you, THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS OF GAMING!!! (You must read it in an evil voice)

    1- Treachery: Team killing will send you to the first hellish circle. A land of utter horror as visions of your closest companions torture your very soul.

    2- Teabag: For all the tea baggers of gaming; one only prays he does not end up in this circle. An eternity of tea bagging for your sins.

    3- Cheat: Here you will never escape the hurt your screen cheating and cheat codes have caused.

    4- Rigs: All those whom have come across the beast of gaming itself; Big Rigs. All those dammed to this circle suffer an eternity of terrible physics and grammatical errors.

    5- Theft: For those who have purchased pirated games in their lifetime. Yes, it may feel great to have all the games you ever wanted for a fraction of the cost, but that will not help you in the fifth circle of hell as you 'burn' (get it) til' the end of time.

    6- Trade: The sixth circle of hell offers a cozy seat to all those whom have participated in any trade in deal at EB games. The punishment?! You have just traded in your soul to the devil.... For $20 off your next console purchase.

    7- Atkinson: The deepest and most hellish circle of them all. For all those whom have supported Michael Atkinson suffer an eternity of Wii tennis with the devil of gaming himself.

    PS3 user. Thanks

    1. Not playing video games
    2. Denouncing video games having not played them
    3. Inventing random sex scenes that do not take place in the game in the video game you have not played
    4. Spreading vicious lies about how the random sex scenes in the game you didn't play will steal your children's souls.
    5. Stealing children's souls with vicious lies about how the random sex scenes in that game you never played (that uh...steal children's souls.)
    6. Espousing the comparative benefits of playing with sharp sticks in relation to the video game that you didn't play's horrible graphic sex scenes that didn't exist in order to steal children's souls
    7. Encouraging children to play in the street with sharp sticks so that they may be run over whilst avoiding the non-existent sex scenes in a video game that you have not played to liberate children's souls

    PS3 version please :)

    Underage- Please, put down the headset, and play something else which you should be playing. You couldn't even try to do what you say to my mum, your too young. For every slight said over that headset, you will experience in full.

    Porting- Developers be damned, just don't do this. Bring games to other audiences by developing from the ground up, for the love of god!! You will continuously experience being mutiliated. what was great, will be no longer, like shaving your penis.

    Graphic Whore- If you will not by a game, based solely on the resolution output then you shall be playing pong, for all eternity.

    paid DLC- Developers will be force fed the money that they made on that little reskinned furniture/armour/bandana. For every payment entering and exiting, a part of your body will be taken away. Rinse and repeat.

    Fanboy- For being a zealot to a platform and spewing your opinions onto others, you shall be beaten by your enemies console by demons till the end of days.

    FPS Whore- You will be placed in a never ending battlefield with your hands unable to move, locked in a ready position with a weapon, yet you won't be able to pull the trigger. There will never be an end to respawning.

    Piracy- If your lifetime downloads exceeded what you paid for, various dead leaders of the industry will have their way with you.

    PS3 you awesome awesome people

    How to fight Michael Atkinson's Deadly Sins of Gaming:

    Chastity - Restrain from engaging in Blue Alien Lesbian Sex. Make a moral stand that this form of behavior is best left alone.

    Temperance - Reduce your time in WoW to a mere few hours per week. You can reach high levels without foregoing work/study/sleep.

    Charity - Don't jump on the mushrooms, jump OVER them. They have feelings, too!

    Diligence - Keep a diary of which TF2 class you engage in and for how long. One must ensure an equal distribution of efforts across all characters to be stable in one's life.

    Patience - Avoid Rage-Quitting. Simply type some strongly worded emails if someone bothers you in-game online. Issues can be resolved calmly.

    Kindness - You don't need those Purple Items. The energetic Orc corpse-camping you deserves them as much as you do...

    Humility - If you happen to defeat an enemy, try not to gloat. Simply share your feelings about how much fun everyone is having and how we can all take turns in winning!



    My 7 deadly sins are to do with ways of obtaining Dante's Inferno for Xbox 360. Each way of obtaining the game will reconcile with one of the 7 deadly sins and has a step by step tutorial on how to do so. Here we go.


    Step 1: Walk into (local game retailer) wearing (attractive clothing).
    Step 2: Pick up copy of (Dante's Inferno)
    Step 3: Go to counter of (local game retailer) and greet (male/female clerk).
    Step 4: Seduce (male/female clerk)
    Step 5: Complement said (male/female clerk) on (nerdy apparel), telling (male/female clerk) it goes well with (local game retailer nametag).
    Step 6: Wait for (male/female clerk) to complement you on (attractive clothing).
    Step 7: Ask (male/female clerk) if (he/she) would like to join you at (your residence) to (play Dante's Infero/Sex).
    Step 8: Take out (maxed bank card) & swipe.
    Step 9: Tell (male/female clerk) your (maxed bank card) is (maxed)
    Step 10: Wait for (male/female clerk) to say (apology) and you can pay for (Dante's Inferno) via (play Dante's Inferno/Sex).
    Step 11: Take (Dante's Inferno).


    Step 1: Enter (local game retailer).
    Step 2: Pick up 3 (used games) of (said platform) priced (low amount).
    Step 3: Check (other local game retailer) list of (bad games). Make sure (used games) of (said platform) are not (bad games).
    Step 4: Buy (used games) of (said platform).
    Step 5: Exit (local game retailer).
    Step 6: Enter (other local game retailer).
    Step 7: Go to counter of (other local game retailer) and give (male/female clerk) (used games) of (said platform).
    Step 8: Wait for (male/female clerk) to swap (used games) of (said platform) with (Dante's Inferno).
    Step 9: Take (Dante's Inferno).


    Step 1: Find your (awkward friend) playing (Dante's Inferno) on (online game service).
    Step 2: Invite yourself to (awkward friend) (residence). Bring (sexy friend).
    Step 3: Wait for (awkward friend) to answer (residence) door.
    Step 4: Go inside (residence) with (sexy friend).
    Step 5: Wait for (sexy friend) to take (awkward friend) into bedroom of (residence).
    Step 6: Search for (Dante's Inferno) among (awkward friend)'s (game collection).
    Step 7: Take (Dante's Inferno)


    Step 1: Find (professional apparel) similar to (an annoying attorney general).
    Step 2: Call up (bulky friends). Tell (bulky friends) to wear (professional apparel) and meet them at (local game retailer).
    Step 3: Meet (bulky friends) at (local game retailer).
    Step 4: Walk into (local game retailer).
    Step 5: State yourself as (an annoying attorney general). Tell (male/female clerk) that (Dante's Inferno) has (list of inappropriate features) and is (list of obnoxious comments).
    Step 6: Open (santa sack).
    Step 7: Send (bulky friends) in (professional apparel) to take all (Dante's Inferno) and put in (santa sack).
    Step 8: Give (male/female clerk) a (obnoxious comment).
    Step 9: Leave (local game retailer).
    Step 10: Take 100 (Dante's Inferno)'s.


    Step 1: Access (fruit branded computer)
    Step 2: Get onto (famous internet search engine).
    Step 3: Search for (pirate related download site).
    Step 4: Search on (pirate related download site) (Dante's Inferno).
    Step 5: Click on link to download (Dante's Inferno).
    Step 6: Wait for (fruit branded computer) to finish downloading from (pirate related download site).
    Step 7: Put in (blank disc).
    Step 8: Put (Dante's Inferno) on (blanc disc).
    Step 9: Take out (full disc).
    Step 10: Take (Dante's Inferno).


    Step 1: Work out at (local gym).
    Step 2: Track down all your (old high school bullys). Find one that owns (Dante's Inferno).
    Step 3: Go to (old high school bully) (residence).
    Step 4: Knock on (residence) door and wait for (old high school bully).
    Step 5: (old high school bully) opens (residence) door.
    Step 6: Begin (fight sequence).
    Step 7: Use (punch) and (kick) to damage (old high school bully).
    Step 8: Use (block) to stop (old high school bully) from damaging you.
    Step 9: Use (punch) and (kick) in (special order) to (special combo) (old high school bully).
    Step 10: (KO) End (fight sequence).
    Step 11: Look around (old high school bully) (residence).
    Step 12: Take (Dante's Inferno).


    Step 1: Access your (fruit branded computer).
    Step 2: Enter (popular gaming news site).
    Step 3: On (popular gaming news site), find (weekly competition section).
    Step 4: Work for hours on (witty entry) to enter in (weekly competition section).
    Step 5: Believe (witty entry) is better than (bad entries).
    Step 6: Post (witty entry).
    Step 7: Enter (popular gaming news site) next morning and look at (weekly competition section).
    Step 8: (witty entry) wins.
    Step 9: Wait 3 weeks and check your (residence) mailbox.
    Step 10: Take (Dante's Inferno).

    Hope you enjoyed.

    The Divine Gamer
    Inferno – Canto I

    ‘Midway upon the journey of our life
    I found myself within a forest full of campers,
    for i find myself on the verge of rage quitting.’

    My story began looking for the power cable to my PS3 within the 7 circles of gaming hell(being grounded).

    First Circle (Hacking)
    These people are condemned to play games blind and without any cross-hairs or sights. For these people lust the skills of hard working people and cheat there way to the top by aim-botting, map hacking or game boosting. They lend nothing to the game other killing peoples hopes and fun times.

    Second Circle (Microphone spamming)
    Condemned to always be alone in a lobby and not be able to use teamspeak. These people are the scurge of the lobby room, using sound boards, singing songs and changing the tone of their voice. (We can still tell you are a lonely 10 year old.) These people arn’t just annoying they’re just plain stupid, unless its constructive criticism or some strategy, we don’t wanna hear ur high pitched b!tching.

    Third Circle (Camping)
    Forced to spend the rest of time in their ghillie suits camped in a forest where no-one walks, they live unsatisfied of a free kill. These people don’t have skills they sit in a dark corner of a map holding the crouch or prone button waiting for an opportunistic kill. There is no fun in this, learn to play the game people. Theres nothing worst than having a 10 kill streak before an ac130 and having a noob with a machine gun shoot you from a dark bush.

    Fourth Circle (Raging)
    These people are fated to be spawn camped and not be able to leave the game. Patrons of rpg raging will live in eternal rage with their avatars looted every time they die. 4 words, 9 letters, 4 syllables, say it and you’re free. It is a game. What’s the point of getting angry and letting everyone know about it by rage quitting or spamming, losing could be a learning experience. It’s even worse when you are the host and leaving wrecks the game for everyone else.

    Fifth Circle (‘I in team’-ing)
    These people are doomed to be eternally stuck in only 10vs1 games. What is the point of having an awesome kill to death ratio when your team has lost an objective based game, you go only for kills and ‘oh whats that? Your base was captured…really’. This does not only count for fps game this also applies to rpg players who only go for gold and ignore what the party is doing. Its more fun and productive to have a strategy and play as a team, it also helps you to win.

    Sixth Circle (Neglect)
    These people are condemned to always making half-finished products and getting bad press. Bit off topic from the gamer but more focused on the game developers, what is the point of making a broken game? I for one would rather wait half a year extra to play a good game then have it released early and not play how it was intended. What is even worse is when developers do not correct their wrongs by spend time to correctly patch and fix their wrong doings. I really cuts deep at people who pay and support the industry.

    Seventh Circle (Team Killing)
    This is the home of betrayers, people who have back stabbed or deceived other people. They are eternally convicted to be frozen in a pool Satan’s tears with a knife always in their back. What is the point? Do you get a thrill out of it? Is it funny? Don’t know about you but it doesn’t feel funny when a team mate shoves a whole clip into your back for kicks.

    In the center of hell in his pool of tears is a 3 headed Satan, half frozen in the tears that he himself has frozen due to his wings causing a bone chilling gust when he tries to escape. On his right head is Leroy Jenkins(no explanation here) on the other is Frank Gibeau(President of EA games).

    I find my power cable and go back to playing Modern Warfare 2(if you haven’t guessed already).


      am i supposed to get the email straight away?

    Dear Diary,

    I have just started to get into video-gaming and thought the best way to start would be a trip to my local video game store. I walked inside and was appalled at how the latest games sold at an average price of $100. That much! $100 could feed 100 starving kids in Africa?! I could become a sponsor-daddy to all those children with that amount of money! Well, just for a day though... I even noticed some special games called collector editions that costed even more than that! Is video-gaming even affordable anymore? Undeterred, I decided to purchase the following;

    - Xbox360 + Games + Accessories: Feeding countless African kids
    - PS3 + Games + Accessories: Feeding countless African kids
    - Wii + Games + Accessories: Feeding countless African kids
    TOTAL COST: Feeding the entire population of an African country

    Needless to say, only a few more purchases and I’d have been able to cover the continent.

    Dear Diary,

    It’s been a few weeks now into my gaming habit and I’m coming across a weird trend? For some reason, sports games always tend to be the same? Infact, I’m trying to understand why annual versions for each sport game exist? Has NBA basketball really changed that much between 2008 and 2009? How does the concept of kicking a ball into a net need a new yearly instalment of $80+? I feel there is a conspiracy here going on.... Someone (or something) is simply getting the previous year’s game and replacing the digits in the title with next years. That and adding some new guy’s face to the front cover. If this were the case though, then it’d be a ‘chicken and the egg’ scenario.

    Which came first?

    This year’s version (Which was last years?) or last year’s version (Which is this years?)

    Dear Diary,

    My girlfriend called me yesterday and heard some weird noises in the background. She immediately asked me why there seemed to be little kids at my house. I frowned and explained to her that those noises were the voice actors in the Japanese RPG I was playing. She simply said it was bad. I agreed. She also said their grammar seemed off. I also agreed. She also implied that ‘Let’s go give crystal rings to princess’ could be misinterpreted as ‘Buy me a ring and propose to me already!’.

    I disagreed. And hung up.

    Dear Diary,

    I feel I’ve been gaming enough for awhile to consider myself an intermediate. Although the PMs I’ve received on PSN, Xbox Live and Wii tell me otherwise. Infact they tell me alot of things. That I suck. That my accent sounds funny when I use my mic. That there is something wrong with me because I once made a Sarah Palin lookalike to use in Soul Calibur IV. I’ve been abused about ragequits, timeouts, being too good, sucking too much, being ‘un-Australian’, playing Michael Buble music in the background over the mic and saying no to questions asking if I’m female and available when my username clearly states that I’m male.

    In truth, I really just wish everyone would shut the hell up and play the game....

    Sorry diary. Just needed to vent.

    Dear Diary,

    I earned some new achievements today while playing Xbox360 and PS3. For Xbox360, I earned the ‘Thanks for 60 hours of grinding!’ and ‘Payment received for 800 Microsoft points ’ achievements. For PS3, I earned the ‘Quick! Let’s integrate trophy features!’ and ‘System Update 99.99’ trophies. Unfortunately, throughout my 20 years of life, these achievements are the only ones I actually have to my name. But maybe if I work hard enough, I can earn enough Xbox 360 Gamer Points to justifiably change my zone status from ‘Recreation’ to ‘Compulsive Addiction’. Either that or just tell myself to get a life.

    Dear Diary,

    My girlfriend left me today. Said I was spending more time with my consoles than with her, which is absolutely true. I’d forgotten I had a girlfriend to be honest. In fact, I forgot I even had a life at all? My parents say that I’ve been losing touch with reality. They didn’t appreciate it when they offered me some apple pie and I responded with ‘Si, Madre! I’d love a Piece of Eden!’ before cutting it apart with my hidden blade. My sister also didn’t like being given night vision goggles from my Modern Warfare 2: Prestige Edition. Then again, who would when they incur temporary blindness once the lights turn on. Well, at least my dog had a use for the pink Scarborough Fair replica gun I gave him. As a third rate chew toy. Maybe video games are overpowering every single aspect of my life.

    Hell, maybe I’m in a video game?

    Well, at least hopefully not one of those video game movie tie-ins!

    Dear Diary,

    It’s New Years Eve and I don’t really have much left in my life anymore. My girlfriend’s gone. My family don’t like me anymore. Even the dog died from overconsumption of lousy CE toys. But probably the saddest thing was when my Xbox360 and PS3 died as well. The diagnosis was the RROD and YLOD. So that’s a red light and a yellow light of death respectively. Would I go so far as to say that the Wii’s green light will determine a similar fate? Or am I just being paranoid? Regardless, this experience has taught me a new word.

    Planned Obsolescence.

    Basically, a term used for buying products with a built in death warrant. The Japanese consider Sony to be masters at it. But I reckon Apple is worse. Either way, all this talk of death is making me even more sad. So finally, dear diary, this will be my last entry I’ll write on you. I never told you yet but other people normally think a 20 year old male writing in a diary is a bit pathetic? So it’s time I moved away from your pages and go out and buy that iPad like everyone else.

    It’s a shame you too will experience planned obsolescence. But that was a given considering I’ve run out of pages to write on. The only thing I could squeeze in to the last page though was this;

    ‘I’d prefer the Xbox 360 version please’.

    Graphics-whoring is the first deadly sin
    with out-dated games tossed in the bin
    to judge by resolution
    is mental delusion
    enjoyment and display should not be akin

    Second of all is the glitching
    which causes outcries and bitching
    but those caught cheating
    their glory is fleeting
    chased by angry mobs a-lynching

    Thirdly is those whom hate all
    developers big and developers small
    but no one's forgot
    that those who boycot
    are usually the first to the mall

    It's a sin to think you're the greatest
    making comments obscene and racist
    crying out "n00b!"
    "i saw your mum's boob!"
    lest other put your mic in stasis

    With the fifth sin there are no maybes
    getting fragged and acting like babies
    rather than complain
    get back in the game
    and stop foaming like a dog with rabies

    The sixth sin in form of team killing
    thinking it humorous and thrilling
    covering friends with flames
    gleefully ruining their games
    soon your friends list will need refilling

    Forgetting the past isn't right
    games of old that brought you delight
    It's a sin to omit
    ANY game even a bit
    Your roots are as important as life

    So those are my sins all rhyming
    complete with appropriate defining
    Xbox 360 would be sick
    for my long ass lymerick
    and would shut me up in good timing


    As it says, just to clarrify, should i win, Xbox 360 would be wonderful please :)

    7 Deadly Sins of Gaming (in my house)

    These are the rules I uphold in my house. God may be all forgiving but I don't have the luxury of omnipotence so I can't afford to be as lenient when it comes to such matters. Break one and I won't let you play games with me again, break more and you will never be allowed to borrow a game again and if you are a repeat offender you won't be allowed back to my house.

    1. Thou shalt not leave my game disc game disc under your bed especially if you will refuse to pay for any damage you cause in doing so.

    2. Thou shalt not hold onto my game indefinitely. If you have had my game for months and I ask for it back, give it back to me. I did not give it to you, I lent it to you, there is a not very subtle difference between the two.

    3. Thou shalt not watch videos on the internet or download anything when I am in an online match for the resulting lag will make me look foolish.

    4. Thou shalt not walk in front of my TV when I am in the middle of a quick time event for pausing will not help me in such a circumstance.

    5. Thou shalt not back seat game. I have been playing games for years, if I need help I will ask for it. Chances are if I am not doing something, even if you think I should be, there is a reason for it.

    6. Thou shalt not turn off the console in a rage just because you have been beaten in one multiplayer match. Just as I expect you to be a good winner I expect you to be gracious in defeat.

    7. Thou shalt not touch any of my controllers, game discs or other gaming peripherals with squalid hands

    Xbox 360 please.

    7 Deadly Sins of Gaming:

    1.Sleep depravation: the oh-my-God-it's-6-am moment that shocks you. There is a bit of sun light and you really really should get to bed but you know what, I reckon I can kill Duriel wiithin 20 minutes, if not, I really am going to bed... Only it doesn't happen.

    2.Steam: sales, sales, sales. Wallet: shrinks, shrinks, shrinks.

    3.Pop Cap: for the devil's sake, what kind of deal did they do with the Prince of Darkness to make the games so addictive!?

    4.The Wii: I own one, I use it and don't care what you say about that.

    5.Backtrack cheater: ever wanted to go back to a moment you just know you made the wrong choice in a game and be able to change it? I do. It's the equivalent of reading a choose-your-own-adventure book and keeping a bookmark on the page where you had to choose which way to go.

    6.Hoarder: some games get bought, some get played, while others just gather dust but all serve the purpose of showing off the collection.

    7.Rage quit: as if the other guys will care if I swear at them, quit and kill the server? They do?
    Your point being?

    If I'm bad enough, make it the PS3 thanks }:D

    Seven Deadly Sins of Gaming
    I was thinking this might be a chance to point the finger at some of the sins (all new circles!) encountered in the traversing of games, both new and old…

    1. The Road Most Travelled…
    The Ancient Ones have thoughtfully arranged all the required elements for success in your journey, great! Unfortunately the pattern is thus that your hero must navigate the circle of Hell in such a manner that you will quest backwards across pre-travelled land as often as you progress forward, each subsequent quest criss-crossing longer and longer tracts of land.

    2. Army Of Some
    A circle where the hero is beset upon by a limitless enemy force, coaxed on by the promise that a simple action (such as throwing a switch, or reaching a certain area), will halt this tide. This journey, whilst simply described, often presents a task similar in difficulty to holding back the ocean with a sheet of cling-wrap.

    3. Option Paralysis
    An RPG circle whereby no matter how many choices you can accept, you will be offered with a larger number, and all enticing. From a dazzling myriad of weapons available and only four slots to holster them, through to a branching quest with numerable paths that all appear to be the best choice. The sacrifices are so great!

    4. Unforgiving Immortality
    There are few things worse than traversing all the pitfalls, challenges and combat present on a circle, only to fall victim to a nasty trick right at the end.
    The one worse thing that springs to mind is the twist of fate that has you resurrected to a point at the start of the circle, well before the above mentioned nastiness...

    5. Bat-Insane Difficulty Curve
    Circles 1 - 4 were gradually getting harder, the difficulty incrementing slightly with each, and then 5 forced you to consider growing wings, bullet-proof skin and an uncanny sixth sense for danger. Of course you can’t do these things, and so suffer repeatedly at the amazing grief the challenges now present.

    6. Poor Camera Control
    A circle where the immersive experience has you following the hero's every movement, floating at a point literally just above their head, providing an eagle-eye perspective to their most precise actions, until ALL OF A SUDDEN YOU'RE LOOKING AT A WALL LIBERALLY SPATTERED BY THE OFF-SCREEN HERO'S GOOEY BITS.

    I hate that.

    7. The Next Gen Evolution
    Behold! This last circle is populated by a wild assortment of creatures, all uniquely designed and - wait a minute, that guy looks like a grey version of someone on the last circle. A little tougher than the last guy too, And so is he, and so is he… Did the Big Bad have one great idea for a monster, and just colour coordinate the resulting critter's constitutions? Pity it seems he only had greys and browns to work with...

    Console: xbox 360

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