What Your Favourite Alien Movie Says About You

With Ridley Scott's suspected Alien prequel, Prometheus, in production, it's time to look back and ask: What does your favourite Alien movie say about you? The answers may surprise you!

Alien If the you're a fan of the first Alien, you respond to the cold, dark world of the unknown. It drives you like the Nostromo, plowing through the big black of space. You like your horror Paxton-free, there's no time for humour when people are dying. You also may have a few trust issues, as you should. Is this just a regular dinner, or will this meal end with one of your mates strewn across the table? Thankfully this also makes you a bit of a survivor. When the end-of-the-world is nigh, you're the best equipped to make the big decisions. Who's going up in the air-shaft to find out what's making all that racket? Not you. A cat lover, you have a calm that propels every decision, even in the face of unthinkable madness.

Aliens You believe that high art can be found inside an action film. You appreciate the difference between Predator and Armageddon, and that while both are laden with cheese, long speeches, and a crew of lovable misfits, one is actually a good film (Predator). Although you are more than willing to argue the merits of film like Starship Troopers (and you will win that conversation every time).

Stuck in a firefight, you know the proper cliched characters to surround yourself with so you'll be the last one standing. You believe in shooting first, and asking questions later. But beneath it all beats the heart of a loner just looking for a stoic Michael Biehn-type and a wild child to settle down and start a family with.

Alien 3 You believe in the cult of nothingness. Just like there is no escape from the Xenomorphs for the prisoner monks, there is no escape for you either. The world is a bleak place. Love, family, hope, it's all just waiting to be thrown into the fire. What is the use in taming the love from a feral child or rescuing potential mate Hicks, when life will just murder them while you sleep? You are not a glass-is-half-empty kind of person. You are a half-a-Lance-Henriksen kind of person. Sure, every once in a while there's time for a bald-headed romp with another doomed inmate (inmate of life, that is) but not even a wise, bespectacled black Jesus can save you. In the end, we're all just meat for the festering monster asleep in our guts.

Alien Resurrection Oh, you odd duck. If Alien Resurrection truly is your favourite Alien film, you are a special type of cinephile (who has probably used that term in a non-sarcastic manner). No camera pan, CG, colour or character quip is lost on you. You have an affinity for foreign films. While watching Alien Resurrection you'll comment at length about the colour palette of Delicatessen or the visuals of The City of Lost Children (but may not comment about the actual plot). You may also be a little adventurous in the sack (i.e. you'd be much more willing to go to dark places with a xenomorph, but would probably kill the evidence before anyone found out).

While the Alien 3 fan finds solace in the cold dark nothingness of life, you believe that creation begins in that bleak empty nothingness. Just like the alien/human spawn that is able to generate 10 times its size from thin air. You see beauty in the broken (and trick basketball shots). But deep inside, you know it must be destroyed. You know you must be destroyed, which is why you probably torture yourself by watching Alien Resurrection.

Alien Vs Predator Hey, movies are confusing, we get that. Sometimes it's just more fun to watch a video game. If AVP is your favourite Alien movie, you might be a bit of a rule breaker or game changer. But not necessarily in an good way. For example, "Hey did you hear that Joel broke into the High School last night and smashed up the science lab?" "Yeah, he's fucking nuts."

Perhaps you played a lot of DOOM as a kid, or you're really into mazes or puzzles with no rhyme or reason. You have little respect for stodgy legacies or stuffy mythologies. Rules were meant to be broken - you might even have that saying on a T-shirt somewhere which you ironically drag out of the closet from time to time.

Alien Vs Predator: Requiem You like your vagina metaphors up front and proper, and shoved right down your throat (literally). Also, you enjoy seeing films get shit-canned.

Special thanks to Jonathan Wilkins.


Comments

    My favourite Alien films from best to worst go:

    Aliens
    Alien vs Predator
    Alien
    Alien Resurrection
    Alien vs Predator: Requiem

    I like to pretend Alien 3 doesn't exist and was just a bad dream I had.

    Aliens <3

    Always loved Alien the most for some reason... some would strangle me for saying I liked it more than Aliens, but I loved the claustrophobia of it, the mystery and those amazing sets. It's the perfect example of a film that proves CGI adds absolutely nothing to movies, and in some cases, detracts from them.

    Alin Ressurection for me, but partly because it was the first one I saw and I enjoyed watching hybrid Ripley unnerve a gang of hardass space pirates.

    I enjoy all the films just each for different reasons. They all have their place.

    Alien vs Predator.... both those films should never have been made, and the director should be buried alive with every single person involved in the filming of all Resident Evil films.

    I loved AvPR! :p

    Sure the movie was terrible but pregnant woman and children getting torn apart in a hollywood movie? Glorious.

      Heh apprently thats one the main reasons why so many people hate AVP:R. they didnt like the seeing a child get face hugged xD

        I actually liked that part when the kid got face-hugged and then the alien burst through his chest - I hated that kid so much. It was probably the only real highlight of the movie for me.

    Alien then Aliens, can safely ignore the rest.

    Alien, Aliens, Aliens 3 all tie for me.

    All others are irrelevant.

    I love the summaries for the AvP Movies, and yes, the horoscopes for anyone who likes those pieces of crap is incredibly accurate.

    Aliens :D

    I thought Ridley Scott had said that Prometheus isn't an Alien prequel? He started out with the intention of making a prequel but it ended up developing into something different only loosely connected (if at all) to the Alien universe?

      I must be only person in the whole world who loved Aliens, AvP:R and Predator 1 AND 2.

      Then again im also a fan of the transformers movies and also a massive Gen1 fan ( gogo child of the 80s and early 90s)

    Alien and Aliens are about even with me, although I don't like the xenomorph redesign for Aliens. Everything after that wasn't even in the same league.

    Aliens and yes that sums me up pretty well.

    I just love the fact James Cameron nutted it when he heard how they aborted his characters in Alien3.

    If James Cameron saying "you idiots!" doesn't clue you off that maybe your idea is a bad idea, then maybe you need to re-evaluate you choice of career.

      You should read up on the production of Alien 3, it's pretty crazy stuff. The producers and Studio execs basically shot the thing in the face before they even had a director. They got the director, who is very talented but at the time very young, before they had a script... He had to start shooting the movie without having a script to go on. He had a bunch of hugely expensive sets, some actors, and some costumes, and a deadline. :-P *NUTS*

      It's all very insane and the fact that the finished product is even WATCHABLE, let alone fairly decent, is a testament to everyone who had to deal with all the BS to get the thing made and for it to make a shred of sense.

      So yes, the person who pissed off Cameron really shouldn't have been in the position to make that decision... but unfortunately, that person was an executive. *sighs*

      At any rate, it's an interesting story and a lot of it is actually covered by the special features on the Blu Ray version

    Alien and Aliens are different but equally great in my eyes. The other 2 aren't in the same class. Although I just watched Alien 3 on BluRay on the weekend and thought it was quite a bit better than I had remembered it. Possibly that's because it was the extended cut which I think is about half an hour longer than the theatrical version.

    The less said about the AvP movies, the better IMO.

    Thing I've never understood about AVP... If AVP takes place in 2004, how the chuffing heck did nobody know about the Aliens by the time the first Alien movie happens? Seems a pretty glaring oversight to not warn space travellers "oh by the way there are man-sized creatures out there that will knock you up and kill you watch out".

    Anyone who says something other than Alien, Aliens or Alien 3 is medically insane and needs to see a doctor.

    Alien is possibly the best horror film ever made.
    Aliens is possibly the best sci-fi action film ever made.

    Comparing the two is like comparing chocolate and tobasco sauce. Both are brilliant, but they are very, very different.

    P.S. Alien3 is what happens when a brilliant team are screwed over by the Studio machine (see Spider-Man 3 for another example). Ressurection suffered from Deus Ex Syndrome (an otherwise great product that was cursed with insanely high expectations and a very heavy mantle of established lore).

    The other movies aren't Alien films. Just like that Saturday morning cartoon Toxic Crusaders was not a sequel to The Toxic Avenger, despite being based VERY heavily on it.

    'What Your Favourite Videogame News Website Says About Videogames'

    Alienssssssssss!

    If any of the last 3 (arguable last 4) is your favourite movie, what it says about you is that you have absolutely no taste.

    Best to worst IMO is ALIEN, ALIENS, ALIEN 3, ... and *everything else*, which are all distant specks on the horizon.

      One thing in life I always missed was being scared by a movie. As a little kid, Rodan, Godzilla and The Mummy all just seemed silly. Frankenstein and the Wolfman were like comedies. Later, Friday 13th, Texas Chainsaw Massacre and House on Elm Street, along with all those Steven King movies bored me. Jaws was exciting for a while...but never scary.
      After seeing "Alien" though, I finally experienced being really scared. Why? I think in retrospect, there wasn't one shred of the story line I found hard to believe plausible. Even with the advantages that come with making a movie about future space travel, a writer or director can cross the line, forcing the audience to suspend their disbelief. I never had to do this with "Alien".....well, except for that stupid android.

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