The World Is Ready For A Pizza Simulator

The World Is Ready For A Pizza Simulator
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No news here. Just the idle thought that, amongst all the simulators of things like rocks and goats, maybe someone could make a simulator about one of the world’s most vital jobs: the guys who make the pizzas.

It’d be such a simple risk/reward game. You’ve got to leave the pizzas in just long enough for them to be perfect. Get them out too early, or too late, and the customers complain. The wait at the other end builds tension, forcing you to make mistakes.

The creator of this vid “attached my GoPro Hero3+ to the tool we use to take pizza out of our oven at work”. It’s spellbinding. And aside from giving me ideas for dumb Unity/mobile games is also making me hungry.

[via Laughing Squid]


  • I did pizza delivery IRL for a while when younger. The only fun part was the driving in between picking up pizzas and dropping them off. Have a Pizza delivery driver simulator and I’ll jump on board that. Actually that is a good idea…….. (Patent pending)

    • Same. What they showed here was just ONE part of the exciting part of pizza making! Can’t wait to do the super exciting tasks such as…

      1. Pan oiling… oil up to a hunded plus pans at a time! With a crappy brush and olive oils! EXCITMENTS!
      2. Box folding! BOXES! BOXES! BOXES! Such mad fun! *sigh*
      3. Floor sweeping and mopping! (Really, stop me if this is too much excitement…)
      4. Being abused by an asshole customer who who claims they ordered double pepperoni when they actually didn’t!
      5. Being told you gave the customer the wrong change, they really gave you 50 when you gave change for 20! Count your til up multiple times, see it add up perfectly, but have the customer be ADAMANT they’re not trying to rip you off…


      6. Try not to kill someone when you open that payslip and see how grossly underpaid you are by a boss who wants to shortchange you at every opportunity!

      • I did this back in the day too, pan oiling was the woooorst! Especially when it was 40+ degrees and you a hundred pans to go. But you did forget another classic: doing a delivery and being paid with a jar full of 5 and 10 cent coins, counting them in the car to discover you’re five bucks short, and then the pieces of shit who gave it to you no longer being able to answer the door. This then comes out of your pay.

        • I had someone try that on me lmao. The prick pulled out around five baggies full of five cent coins and started laughing. I asked if he had other forms of money, I explained legally I didn’t have to accept it. He said no, he only had that. There’s ALWAYS a smartass out there. Turns out this guy had a history with Pizza Capers of being a trouble customer. I pissed him off though I backed up a few steps, took out a slice and ate it in front of him lol. Then I threw the pizza onto the ground. I told the boss when I got back he had hit the box out of my hand. Douchebag got blacklisted permanently from the store 😀 Luckily I had a decent boss who didn’t take it from my pay.

      • Ahhh the box folding. I became a box folding demon by the end of it. The delivery man’s downtime!

        • Yep. That and dishwashing for me. I was the best delivery driver Pizza Capers in my suburb had. Every other moron was driving the long route or using a refidex to find their way. I invested a hundred bucks in a GPS and sped from place to place in the shortest time possible. Ended up with extra money every night, tips and everything for being fast. However others got fired for taking long routes lol, the boss would use Googlemaps and determine they were going 15 – 20 k’s extra than they needed to on purpose (they were) so they could charge I believe it was 2.10 or so per kilometer for petrol. It was a ridiculous amount. Multiply that 42 x 3 nights a week, that’s an extra 120 or so each per week the dodgy drivers were claiming. I swear I clean the kitchen in this house better than anyone haha.

    • I remember that game. Microprose heavily promoted it in a bunch of Amiga mags and then made it PC-only at the last minute. Bastards.

  • Headline said “Pizza Simulator.” I was expecting a discussion about what it would be like to play a game that simulated being a pizza. Was disappointed.

  • When someone says “Pizza Simulator”, I don’t think of what is actually a “Pizza Maker Simulator”, I think of a simulator that shows me what life is like as a Pizza.

    From the start of my life as a lump of dough, through my formative minutes in which my future is shaped as Deep Pan or Thin Crust, to the seconds in which I finally start to develop my character and find out what kind of toppings my actions have merited. Finally, in the declining moments when I’m sitting on that conveyor belt and having the choices of my life baked into a coherent meal, I feel a moment of panic as the light at the end of the oven approaches. It’s too soon, I had so many more toppings to try. Why did my life end with just ham and pineapple adorning my brow?

    Then as I cry out one last time as my life comes to an end, the cheese already hardening on my corpse, they cut me 8 ways and put me in my cardboard coffin so that a family may then devour me and take on my life sustaining powers.

    RIP Pizza Me. You served your establishment well. *6 soda stream salute*

  • Checkout clerk simulator
    It’s like tetris except an abusive voice and hands cuts in and rearranges your blocks at random intervals. There is a rage meter that slowly fills, completely packing a bag (the equivalent of say 5 lines in tetris) will reset it but if you cap out your rage you enter a fighting minigame where you take the divider from the register and can beat a customer to a bloody pulp (like the car in street fighter) before game overing. There would be other minigames too like “untangle the trolley” where you take a pair of bolt cutters and have to free 5 trolleys that have been chained together in a variety of combinations using the least amount of cuts possible.
    There would also be a bonus stage called guess the cigarette where a slurred drunken voice vaguely references a brand of cigarette, often in a difficult to understand accent, and if you get it wrong then you are punished with an earful of abuse.

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