Dragon Age: Inquisition's Sex Talk Sounds Hilarious

Dragon Age: Inquisition's Sex Talk Sounds Hilarious

BioWare, the veteran RPG studio today best known for making Mass Effect and Dragon Age, has long been the king of awkward video game sex scenes.

As writer Tom Bissell put it back in 2012 after Mass Effect 3 came out: "BioWare's talented storytellers desperately need to rethink their curious devotion to the video-game sex scene, gay or otherwise, which, even at its best, remains as polygonally unconvincing as digital representation gets." Yep. Pretty much.

So it is with great amusement we can look at the recently-released ESRB rating for the upcoming Dragon Age: Inquisition, which is out November 18, and just try to imagine what this will look like in-game:

The game includes some sexual material: a female character briefly depicted in front of a man's torso (fellatio is implied); characters depicted topless or with exposed buttocks while lying in bed or after sex; some dialogue referencing sex/sexuality (e.g., "'I will bring myself sexual pleasure later, while thinking about this with great respect'" and "The way your t*ts bounce when I pin your arms and take you on the side of the bed…"). The words "f**k," "sh*t," and "a*shole" appear in dialogue.

Now, to spend the next four weeks trying to envision the context in which a Dragon Age: Inquisition character says, "I will bring myself sexual pleasure later, while thinking about this with great respect."

[h/t Amanda]


Comments

    “I will bring myself sexual pleasure later, while thinking about this with great respect.”

    I think this just needs to be used as many times as possible, in any situation.

      I wish this article had come out yesterday. I had a meeting with my boss this morning and really didn't know how to end it.

        You end it later, by yourself, while thinking back on it with great respect.

      $10 says that line is uttered by a Qunari.

        Having not played any of the Dragon Age titles, I have no idea what that would mean.

          It doesn't do their complexity any justice, but just think, like... Teal'c from Stargate.

          Last edited 24/10/14 4:44 pm

            [GeorgeTakeiOhMyyyyyy]

            Last edited 24/10/14 4:57 pm

      Yes I think that's the perfect sign off to any conversation, especially if you work in the retail market lol

      Last edited 24/10/14 3:14 pm

      I was wondering how theyd bring Shale back into it! ;)

    Ugh.... Bioware ham-fisted relationship writing ahoy...

    Just add buhchickabowow music played with a harpsichord....

    Just steal the 'give it to me' speech Safron made to Mal in the 'Our Mrs Reynolds' episode of Firefly, and you win everything.

    “BioWare’s talented storytellers desperately need to rethink their curious devotion to the video-game sex scene, gay or otherwise, which, even at its best, remains as polygonally unconvincing as digital representation gets.”Noooo! I love Bioware's sex scenes, they're awkwardly hilarious. The FemShep/Garrus scenes in Mass Effect had me in stitches, I was giggling over them for days.

      Its more funny when you enable console and change the camera angles. XD
      You can't see any naughty things, but still top keks.

      See, the shitty thing is I thought the first I remembering seeing from Bioware was pretty decent. Femmeshep and Kaidan was pretty good! I recalled that as a pretty mature treatment.

      ...Then I went and watched it again. Uhhh... yeah, I'm still kinda thinking it's good. Yeah. Yeah, nah, it's... it's still good. Right?

    The game includes some sexual material: a female character briefly depicted in front of a man’s torso Now I have visions of a woman standing in front of a male torso with no limbs or head attached. It's just a male's torso floating there suggestively with the occasional ripple across the abs.

    Ergh.. I almost forgot about the whole ME3 fully clothed shower scene until I read this >_>

    I will bring myself sexual pleasure later, while thinking about this with great respect.

    Pretty much sums up what I'll be doing while thinking about this game for the next four weeks.

    This continues to be the worst thing about their games, just plain awful.

      But watch the outrage if someone feels excluded/offended....

    I hope they give the option to avoid the relationship material altogether (or even a menu option) without suffering a penalty. I avoid it because it's painfully awkward. This stuff (n.b. Dragon Age, Mass Effect, Indigo Prophecy) always appears as digital porn, because for me, it always fails to instill any emotion within me.

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