A Stupid Tip For Playing Video Games In The Extreme Heat

This weekend is gonna be like vacationing beneath the folds of Satan's ballsack, we all know this. And in our own way we're gonna have to manage it.

Me? I'm planning on drawing every goddamn curtain in the house and I'm playing video games.

Only one problem — what am I gonna do about the sweaty palms. How am I gonna stop the controller from feeling like a lubed-up collection bulbous ice cubes.

Ladies and gentleman, I have the solution.


Yes. Chalk.

Image: iStock

What a pure genius idea. I'm only half joking.

As someone who is into rock climbing and has a lot of chalk at home, there is a slight flaw in this plan. Chalk can make a mess. Hand prints on your couch, controllers covered in chalk. It's gonna suck.

So, plan B.

Liquid chalk.

Warning: strange, sexual sounding paragraph incoming.

For those of you who have never had the pleasure, liquid chalk is magical. You squirt a little on your hand, rub furiously and after about 10 seconds something weird starts happening. Friction. Suddenly your hands are gonna be sticky as hell.

Liquid chalk is pure wizardry. Pretty pricey though. Usually about $15 at climbing stores or climbing gyms.

So yeah, you could do that. Or just get a fan. Or just play with a sweaty controller.

Christ, do what you like, I'm not your real Dad.


    i just use a small usb fan aimed at my hands.... problem solved, about $5-$10 from safeway even...

    I chalk up for RE7 in any weather.

    You squirt a little on your hand, rub furiously and after about 10 seconds something weird starts happening

    Do people not have Aircons?

      I don't, and we're in a rental, so can't put one in. Thus we've resorted to relocating to the pub, shopping centre or library when it gets too hot.

    Come to WA it's pissing down

      Was going to post the same thing. I've got the heater on in my office!

    Move to Melbourne, where the forecast for the weekend is 28 and 19

    Last edited 10/02/17 10:51 am

      28. 14. 35. 35. 25. 147. -52. 5. Melbourne.

        Love it! From 147 to -52!

        Comment of the day

          Thanks! :) Of course, I'm understating the reality. Wouldn't want to put off people visiting for PAX. Come to PAX! Fit heating *and* cooling in your cosplay...

          It's worth going to http://www.baywx.com.au/melbtemp2.html and looking at the "Last Week" graph. Genuinely bonkers. And this is a pretty normal week.

        28. 14. 35. 35. 25. 147. -52. 5. Melbourne.

        In a 3 hour window.

          Pretty much.

          ETA? I can tell you what to wear that minute.

          Last edited 13/02/17 9:35 am

      I am, next month, down from Sydney... I cannot wait!

    So chalky controller or sticky controller... hmmm...

    I'll take option C: have the fan on, which will cool me down enough that my palms don't sweat.

    My issue was my console getting too hot inside the cabinet of my entertainment unit (I have a 9 month old cruising around, so the doors have to stay shut).
    I just cut a bigger hole into it near the cables and bought a $5 usb fan and out it into the gap (blowing out of the cabinet). Basically just like a pc fan sucking all the hot air out... went from an Xbox oven to nice cool cabinet.

    Just pop a couple of Ditropan and BAM sweats all gone. Probably should consult your local GP before doing this but hey what would I know I'm not a doctor.

      Haha the problem with Ditropan is the awful "cotton mouth" you get that makes you drink water like you've never drunk before

    Umm no. I'm a big boy. I just bought a 7KW reverse cycle AC (with WiFi dongle) so I can game in full comfort.

    Christ, do what you like, I'm not your real Dad.

    but if @markserrels is not my real dad then who is.....I've been lied to this whole time.

    world = shattered

    Last edited 10/02/17 11:14 am

    I get more worried about how my pc will deal when the air temperature in the room is high 30's or above and I'm playing a game that would crank out the heat on an average day.

      my study is next to my garage so I have fan cooling down that wall. it actually lowers the internal computer temp by 1 or 2 degrees.

      I imagine if you open up the case and blow air into it directly it might be more promising (or damaging if you're blowing at hurricane speed haha)

      Use an externally mounted radiator for your cooling loop. Stick it in a bucket of ice.

    @markserrels needs to provide an Uber like service where gamers can order liquid chalk and he appears at your door. I think we would all pay handsomely for that.

    The X1 Elite controller rubber does a pretty good job of stopping sweat.

      Been playing with the Razer PS4 controller recently. It does a good job holding up in the heat too.

    Christ, do what you like, I'm not your real Dad.

    I think that should be Mark's sign off for all his articles.

    It's funny my hands must be the only part of me that doesn't sweat in the extreme heat while gaming. My controller will be bone dry but I'll be dripping head to toe.

    Does anyone know what game is being played in the title pic?

    Is no one going to even mention the fact that the guy in the picture is playing DoTA 2 with a controller....

    Light weights. Come to Darwin, sweat dripping out of your knee pits is a common occurrence. Sure you can run air-con but you'll be running it all year round thus its easier to get used to gaming in your sweaty grunz.

    beneath the folds of Satan's ballsack

    I don't understand this analogy. Isn't the scrotum the body part with the lowest temperature? Shouldn't you pick a body part that has a highest temperature rather than the lowest?

      Mate, if I'm going to chill out on Satan's person I'm defo heading to the coolest part, even if that's between the wrinkles of his fiery, salty balls.

    You would think this a solid idea, but not in my house hold. It's the ladies Birthday and so we have to go to the zoo... in 40 degree heat.

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