What Your Video Games Say About You (According To Girlfriend Magazine)

Oh wow. Not only does this piece in a recent issue of Girlfriend magazine completely reinforce the stereotypes of the lonely male gamer locked in his parents' basement, but it also sort of suggests that girls don't really play games - which is all kinds of bullcrap. Thankfully the whole thing is just stupidly hilarious.

So - Patrick Stump, lead singer of Fall Out Boy, has categorised you as such:

Play World Of Warcraft Total nerd. This guy's an easy catch. I doubt he talks to girls all that often but he's probably pretty smart.

Play Tetris The Tetris gamer is the best. He's a problem solver, he's neat, and he can build stuff.

Play Grand Theft Auto If your boy is obsessed with a game where you run around stealing stuff and shooting people, he secretly wants to off someone.

Sound like you? It should, because Patrick Stump, lead singer of Fall Out Boy said it.

It must be true.

Thanks to Michelle Starr for the heads up.


    My intense hatred for both girls magazines and Fallout Boy has been multiplied exponentially...

      Me too! One's making content that appeals to their demographic, and the other is expressing themselves through art. Where do these people get off?

        Your sarcasm is searing.

        1. Magazines like girlfriend do nothing for the intelligence of the current generation, even this article is full of "likes" and the such. If the demographic happens to be idiots, i suppose you're correct.

        2. I wouldn't call what fallout boy do "art" in any way, shape or form.

    Dammit, I live in a bedroom on the second floor of my parents house, not the basement. There's spiders in the basement.

      lvl 3 spiders?


          lvl3 spiders of +1 ?!
          they be some scary spiders!

            I'm safe, I've got a +4 save against poison thanks to my diet of questionably-safe-to-consume junk food.

    Saw this yesterday... my first thought was "Well, if a guy who plays Guitar Hero is a wannabe musician, what does that make a guy who plays Rock Band?"

    Then I remembered - no-one plays Rock Band in Australia.

      You saw this yesterday, while reading your recently purchased copy of Girlfriend magazine? Or maybe you were just flipping through it at the newsagent? ;)

      bahahaha you're secret's been found!!!

    Pfft hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha-*breath*-AHHHHHhahahahahahahaha

    What your magazine says about you (according to a gamer)

    1. Girlfriend: You are twelve years old.

    2. Cosmo: you secretly enjoy feeling insecure, and really believe the oral sex instructions you're reading will help you, one day.

    3. Woman's Day/Take 5: You are too busy taking care of children to buy books. I salute you, but I also feel bad for you. I will give you a hug if that helps.

      By the way... readers of Cosmo, come and find me.
      I'm single, and I'll help you practice those instructions you've been getting.

        Most readers of cosmo don't care if you're single or not.

    Wow, he didn't even put any effort into making up a decent set of ridiculous archetypes!

    What about guys who only play JRPGs? Oh sorry I mean Final Fantasy, because this list is made even more stupid and astronomically unrealistic by listing specific game titles :P

    Guys who are obsessed with Facebook games?

    Guys who play RTS? Surely they want to control you, OMG!

    Guys who play FPS? How could they miss this out? FPSs are a pretty huge genre in gaming!

    Talk about missed opportunities for LoLs generated from colossal fail! :P
    Seems Patrick Stump isn't even any good at coming up with useless bullshit...

    ...oh and LoL @ WoW supposedly indicating intelligence... Well really LoL @ this entire "article"

      Guys who play Dwarf Fortress: will murder you in your sleep to use your skin to create a legendary engraving of him murdering you in your sleep to use your skin to create a legendary engraving of him murdering you in etc

        He'll also be mind controlled by pet cats and have an alcohol problem.

    This will make certain people want troll this mags website, plus this mag photoshops promotes anorexia, use of 0sized models, anyway they should ask a band that plays WoW in their spare time not 1 of THEE worst bands EVER

    I see no problems with this. I have played all three.

    So, I'm an easy catch with no skills with women, but on the bright side I'm smart, and also "the best" and I build "stuff," but no, I don't want to kill me. The pixies that talk to me want to kill me.

      Uhh, the last and third last "me" should be people. Silly Freudian slip.

      I mean what?

    We need the Kotaku First Lady to verify this information!

    ...Is what I'd say in jest if it weren't so grossly insulting to ask Strange to consider reading (part of) Girlfriend magazine.

    I'm disappointed us ladies don't get any stereotypes. :[

    "Patrick Stump, lead singer of Fall Out Boy"

    That pretty much summed up how woefully stupid their article would be.

    I just cancelled my subscription to Girlfriend magazine. This..is..outrageous.

      You....You had a SUBSCRIPTION to that rubbish?...What the HELL were you thinking.

    I build stuff (lampshades, side tables, knick-knacks) from the corpses of the prostitutes/contract targets/people that get in my way I run down with my car/knife in the belly/beat to death with my own bare hands and I've only ever played Croc: Legend of The Gobbos.

    Where are the Croc: Legend of The Gobbos players in your world hmmmmm Patrick Stump? You sicken me.

    Here is a picture of the article:

      Effing LOL at the DDR one. Someone needs to show him this


      They talk about Atari 2600 and C64 but the picture is of a VIC20. I guess they didn't know that.

      The only thing I got out of that image was that they photoshopped the top screen of the DS off... They're going to give the poor thing a body image complex.

      I really like how he emphasizes that the Wii is the greatest console EVER... Granted, it has some good games but Using fitness as an excuse for the wii's popularity shows how much of a gamer he is. The only "Game" that implies any sort of fitness would have to be Red steel 2. And when I say "Game" I am excluding any sort of fitness application for I refuse to call them what they are not.
      Let me just put this out there. I strongly dislike anybody who thinks that, just because they played some great games once when they were a child, that they think they know everything about videogames and gamers alike.
      To think that a young girls magazine could even consider this article worthy of 2 pages shows just how much people still like in the past when it comes to us gamers. Even as we advance others will still ridicule me about how much I know videogames.
      I will not just up and quit because the populous or girls aged 10-20 think I'm weird. While you sit there and talk about sex in the city, going out to clubs, painting your nails, going on diets and talking about hot boys, I'll try not to lie to myself and continue to do what I love doing. (See my stereotyping I did there. Yeah, I can do it too)

      "Finally! Someone is going to explains what those computer video games do to our boyfriends! lol amazing "; 'Nuff Said. - http://twitpic.com/4v1lex

    Does my love of TF2 mean I'm a keeper because I'm into fashion (hats)?

    I too would like to express disgust at this article I haven't read, in a magazine I have never bought, that targets a completely different demographic to the one that I exist in.


    This might just be me, but I'm fairly sure he's not being serious.

    That said, I'm a Fall Out Boy fan (not a fan of Pete Wentz, though).

    Now I know why my girlfriend plays WoW, trolling for a better boyfriend.

    But i've played all 3 That Must mean i'm a Super Villian

    Well, this just makes me realise how socially unacceptable I am.

    I guess I'll go and get an eating disorder or something.

    a) That guy is wearing a hat... and a hood... indoors. His judgement is obviously suspect.
    b) It's girlfriend magazine... I'm ok not being the ideal mate for a 13 year old.

    Ugh you should have mentioned it was Patrick Stump at the start of the article :P

    I only play Japanese H Games what does that say about me?

    I'm gonna get all you girls with my tentacles.

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