Salvation Army Bell Ringer Shoplifts Video Games, BB Gun, Sex Toy

I'm trying to see what the real news is here: On one hand, a Salvation Army bell-ringer stole a BB gun, two video games and a vibrator from a Kmart. On the other, Kmart sells vibrators?

Lest you think this is the Hitachi Wand, a "personal massager" that has some non-masturbatory applications, cops in Sterling Heights, Mich. identified the purloined plasti-penis as a "Trojan" brand vibe. Also he made off with a bottle of K-Y so this one was definitely headed up old dirt road.

Cops say the ding-a-ling ringer, an unnamed 21-year-old Detroiter working for $US8 an hour, got a five-finger discount on a BB gun and ammo on Dec. 5; the lube and the vibe on Dec. 7, and then finally the two "Xbox games" on Dec. 15, when his crime wave came to an end.

The Xbox games were not identified. Any guesses as to what he was picking up?

Salvation Army bell ringer caught stealing from Sterling Heights Kmart [Advisor & Source]


Comments

    Well, he takes it up the arse, so he was obviously stealing a copy of Dragon Age 2.

      I chortled the shit out of this post.

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      I resent that. Dragon Age 2 sucked.

    I'm disappointed, I would have been more entertained if he tried to use the BB gun in a shootout as he tried to escape...

    Isn't it a bit wrong that Kmart sells minge massagers, kids go there FFS.

    "Mummy whats a vibrator?"
    "It's what mummy uses to finish herself off because daddy has a two stroke engine"

    Okay,

    Sextoy
    +
    BB Gun
    +
    Games
    =
    Saints Row 3 + Modern Warfare 3

      well, lets see.... a BB Gun and a Vibrator.... this guy was definitely taking The Penetrator to the next level!

    leisure suit larry ?

    do they even have that on the xbox.. ?

    Probably stole Just Dance 3 male pre orders include vibrators.

    Anything with the word "experience" in the title.. Abba experience, Michael jackson experience, black eyed peas experience. Or the very rare ps2 title, I like big black cock in my anus...

      *I would like to experience black cock in my anus

      Just continuing your theme...

    Only game I can think of is Rez, but that's on arcade...

    He gets paid $8 an hour? What the hell does he need a sex toy for? He's ALREADY getting f*cked in the arse.

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