Lar’zak looked on the tent with horror clawing it’s way into his brain. Pony’s corpses littered the grounds around the tent, and those who females who hadn’t been killed suffered a fate worse than death.
Fan Fiction author The Red Blade doesn’t pull any punches with his epic multi-part Diablo / My Little Pony crossover, using the suffering of Equestria’s fun-loving four-legged friends to fuel the rage of his Barbarian character, Lar’zak. Friendship turns tragic in “Never Ending War of Equestria”.
While that particular scene of demonic bestiality doesn’t occur until chapter seven of this unfinished epic, it sets the tone (and establishes the writing level) of the piece, filed on FanFiction.net as “Rated: T – English – humour – Barbarian”.
The human heard a growl next to him and saw that the mare next to him was clenching her teeth so hard on the blade that her mouth was bleeding. After the initial shock, anger started to build up in his chest, and a bloodthirsty grin appeared on his face. The enraged barbarian looked up at the sky and howled, much like a wild animal, making the demons look up at his direction.
The Red Blade is a master of comedy.
The action begins in what I assume is the world of Diablo, where Lar’zak has just finished killing a demon and has set up camp for the night. As he eats, a mysterious stranger arrives.
“I have no need for water, but I need for you to disappear.” the hooded figure said in a raspy voice. The cloaked figure then pointed to Lar’zak and he felt a strong wind start to blow around him. He tried to grab his swords, but his arms were glued to his sides. A bright yellow light enveloped him and he felt himself being flung away from this cloaked character, he tried to open his mouth to yell at it, but no sound escaped. Everything was going by so fast he felt like he would be sick, he was able to turn his head just enough to see behind him, and saw a bright purple portal opening behind him. He kept his eyes glued on the portal until things started to go black.
As he blacked out he saw this odd looking horse looking down at him.
The horse is actually a zebra, known to fans of My Little Pony as Zecora, a witch that reportedly, on occasion, does evil dances. She only speaks in rhymes, like “Why did you do that? There’s no need to be a nut”. The Red Blade is also the master of rhyming.
We’re slowly introduced to more characters in this little morality play. There’s Twilight Sparkle, the magical unicorn; Spike the dragon who seems to be channeling Wolverine (“Need to watch where you’re going bub”), and someone named Krazeir, who seems to have been sucked into this world from ours via a video game.
‘Obla di Obla da, life goes on!’ Krazeir thought, humming the tune he had heard from his old world. That song had been stuck in his head for almost a week now, and if it didn’t stop soon he thought he’d go insane.
And he’s a fan of The Beatles. Oh, and he’s been transformed into a Pegasus. I think he’s supposed to represent the everyman. Everypony. Something.
Soon the barbarian meets Twilight Sparkle and her dragon companion, two best friends that have never known anything but innocent and pure G-rated goodness. During their awkward meeting, a manticore attacks. Lar’zak punches it in the face.
The manticore stumbled from the heavy blow, but regained it’s balance and stabbed at him with it’s tail. The human saw the attack coming so he just sidestepped it and brought his sword down onto the stinger, cutting it off, sending an electric shock up through the beast’s body. Lar’zak wasted no time, bringing his sword up swiftly right into the creature’s skull.
While a traumatized Twilight Sparkle seeks the advice of Princess Celestia, the Barbarian is left to slaughter hordes of undead ponies and demons. When the Princess investigates, he saves her life.
Celestia tried to use her magic to stop it from moving, but it had no effect. The second guard fell as a group of the little red devils jumped out of the trees and hacked away on his back.
It seemed as she was about to meet her end from these little demons, and she closed her eyes waiting for the pain.
But it never came.
She peeked out of one of her eyes to see all of the demons either dead on the floor, or in one’s case impaled on a sword. A crystal sword, the demon seemed to jump as if electricity was going through it’s body and it’s hair began to burn.
As the Barbarian continues his battles against the demon invasion of Equestria, the ponies” powers begin to react to the new threat. Suddenly friendship is indeed magic, and Twilight Sparkle’s magic is deadly.
For some odd reason, her magic started to act up and a large fireball flew from her horn at the group of hell buzzards. Most of them became nothing more than ashes and blew away in the wing made by the others, the remaining two looked over at the unicorn and changed their targets starting to fly down to attack her.
All of this drama, tension and horror culminates in that horrible scene of pony violation, Lar’zak’s rage surely mirroring that of My Little Pony fans.
If only they had giggled at the ghostly. The Red Blade isn’t finished yet; perhaps there’s still time for a last-minute Pinkie Pie save. Hooves crossed!
The Never Ending War of Equestria [FanFiction.Net]
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