Oh Prime, What Has The New Transformers Movie Done To You?

Oh Prime, What Has The New Transformers Movie Done To You?

Last night during its annual pre-New York Comic-Con party, Hasbro unveiled the first toy tie in for 2014’s Transformers: Age of Extinction. It’s Leader Class Optimus Prime, and he makes me sad.

This isn’t general Michael Bay-bot bashing. After three movies I’ve learned to appreciate what he’s done to bring my childhood heroes into the spotlight. Like his styles or not, he’s helped rejuvenate the brand.

No, this is me looking at a new Leader Class Optimus Prime figure and feeling nothing but pity for the poor bastard.

Oh Prime, What Has The New Transformers Movie Done To You?

The truck mode is fine. Truth be told, I probably like this vehicle mode more than any other movie version of the figure. I like the curves, the chrome, and the whole “screw it, give him all the smokestacks” vibe its got going on.

It’s not you in vehicle form, Optimus — it’s you in robot form.

Oh Prime, What Has The New Transformers Movie Done To You?

Random bits of red and blue splayed across your chest, arms connecting to your shoulders by laughably small joints, blue panels draped across them to add the illusion of bulk. Your awesome, open-crotch blue skirt, flapping in the wind. Your handy-dandy backpack, cleverly disguised as the wheels of a truck — I’m not sure that’s how “Robots in Disguise” was supposed to work, but we’ll roll with it.

Maybe it’s the plot of the movie. I hear this one is supposed to feature the Dinobots. Maybe Optimus is devolving into one. He’s got that Grimlock-esque flaming sword, and that…whatever the hell that gun is thing. Maybe exposed robo-crotch is a sign of power among the primitives.

Some of you will look at this figure and love it.

Oh Prime, What Has The New Transformers Movie Done To You?

He doesn’t look like he loves you back, but if it makes you happy.


  • If by “rejuvenate” you mean gave it to fratboys, then yes.

    Honestly I don’t think the movies would have affected the Transformers brand that much. It’s been pretty successful before the movies started.

  • I defended the first movie, I still will to a degree in the sense it wasn’t a total disaster, it had SOME redeeming moments. However 2 3 and now this? Ugh… christ. It’s just…

    Stahp Bay. Just stahp.

      • Revenge of the fallen had zero redeeming moments. A terrible movie. Every single moment of it. Dark of the moon had some interesting bits, the last hour was at least an interesting action setpiece of giant robots beating the crap out of each other… just a pity they weren’t transformers 😉

        • After reading your comments I think I actually dislike you haha
          the Michael bay films are a fine in fact they are awesome bar a few crappy moments but I can’t stand people who chastise Michael bay for making three ultra succesful movies and all the filthy geeks who detest his style, if you wanted megatron to be a pidly little pistol and bumblebee to be a farkin beetle there is something wrong with the world
          Transformers 4,5 and 6 will be a huge commercial success and I hope so to spite all the haters!
          That new Optimus looks mad! if I wanted G1 Optimus I would watch G1
          Now bring on a Cybertron Film !

        • The sequels seemed like Bay had just said ‘You know what? Less talkin’, more ‘splodin’.’

    • Haha this, particularly the 3rd one. My boss went to the midnight release and told me that she loved it, the best of the series she told me, indubitably a must watch. Needless to say, I no longer trust her judgement

  • “This childrens toy, aimed at children designed to be less complicated for children than previous movie lines is not good enough for my adult sensibilities!”

  • I wna see what the actual movie model looks like. Without all the ridiculous kibble and non-movie-canon accessories.

  • Not being a complete hater of the new movies, I’m still a bit annoyed that they haven’t gone for a reboot, since they’ve done a whole trilogy and all.

  • Looks like somthing out of Voltron than transformers, I dont like the sword or shield/gun I hope thats not in the movie

  • looks like Captain Optimus America.

    With the Bay films he turned Transformers into boring generic teenage love story with occassional giant robots indistinguishable from each other fighting here or there. With the first one I had to double check to see if it was a film about Transformers and not that lad whatshisface, the second one I watched to see whether it really was as bad as everyone said. They didn’t lie. I didn’t even bother with the third one even though Shockwave’s my favourite Transformer but I didn’t want to see what Bay did to him.

    Now the nob’s ruining my 30th birthday next year by bringing the 4th shitty film out on it. I’d hope that all the jocks won’t flock to the cinema to go see it but who am I kidding. It’ll probably become the biggest grossing film in history and Bay will be encouraged to make more dross

  • Hate. I didn’t get molested as a child, these evil pricks waited until I’d grown up to rape my inner child and leave him in a shallow grave.

  • Why??? Why is there more of this. Micheal Bay, You aint got the touch!

    Im sorry but Im really upset right now……

  • When I as a kid I always felt Transformers lacked mothers getting high on hash brownies, transformers urinating on people, awkward masturbation dialogue and transformers humping hot girl’s legs. I also felt the action in transformers was way to easy to understand so longed for the action to be disorienting and almost imperceptible, like a bag of ground up computer parts being jiggled around in front of a camera. Now, Michael Bay has brought those childhood dreams to fruition.

  • Anyone over 25 complaining that they don’t like the new Transformers movies is like a 40 year old complaining they don’t like the last lot of Star Wars movies.

    Heres the news: they’re not made for you.

    You are not their target audience and you’re no longer relevant to what the modern day producers want to do with the brand. Talk to any kid these days and they love the shit out of the new Transformers designs, movies and toys. Show them G1 gear and they’ll laugh at it.

    Its made for them, not for you.

    Keeping this in mind is the only way you’ll possibly begin to appreciate the new versions of childhood properties, and when you end up actually liking some facets about it then thats a bonus.

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