Five Dark Souls 3 Enemies Who Are Just The Worst

Five Dark Souls 3 Enemies Who Are Just The Worst

Each Dark Souls 3 enemy is horrible in its own way. Some are more horrible than the rest. I've played a ton of the game over the last couple of weeks, and I've killed pretty much every enemy there is. Just like with Bloodborne, a few of those enemies have lodged in my brain.

I hate everything about them. Here they are.

Five Dark Souls 3 Enemies Who Are Just The Worst

1. Those Moaning Moon-Face Things

I don't know what these things are supposed to be or what they're called, and I don't care. They turn up in Irithyll Dungeon, and they act like anguished prisoners. They have lived in the dark for so long that their faces are covered in a filmy white membrane, and their eyes aren't even really eyes.

Did I say faces? I did. They have huge creepy moon faces. Some of their bodies glow blue, but others absorb light and are nearly invisible unless you have a torch or look very closely. The first one I saw was hanging on the wall directly above my head, looking down at me with his huge open-mouthed moon face. I yelled.

Screw these things. They're not hard to kill, and they're not all that dangerous. Screw them anyway.

Five Dark Souls 3 Enemies Who Are Just The Worst

2. The Giant Ringu Hair Centipedes

Hey, look at that. It's a body in the water. Just floating face down in the water. No big deal.

This is Dark Souls, though. It's probably some kind of undead warrior or something. It will rise up and try to attack me if I get close. Better put an arrow into it to see what happens.

Five Dark Souls 3 Enemies Who Are Just The Worst

WHAT. NO.

WHAT.

NO.

I JUST. WHY.

THE LEGS.

AND WHY DOES IT HAVE SO MUCH HAIR.

I'M NEVER TOUCHING WATER AGAIN.

Five Dark Souls 3 Enemies Who Are Just The Worst

Even from this distance, I'm probably not safe. Or maybe I am. I don't know

3. The Jerks With The Branding Irons

These dudes are called "Jailers", and they patrol Irithyll Dungeon. (A lot of the worst enemies in Dark Souls 3 are in Irithyll Dungeon.)

They don't seem so bad at first. They cruise around, making a loud clanking noise. They don't take many hits to kill.

If they see you, they start to glow red. They begin to laugh and float toward you. "Laugh it up, jerk," you think, rolling in to begin your attack. And then your health bar begins not to drop, but to shrink. Quickly. REALLY QUICKLY.

You watch with horror as your giant health bar becomes a sliver of its former self. You try to attack. Your maximum health is now lower than it was when you started the game. What? Why? What? You die.

I have cleared Irithyll Dungeon several times. I have killed many Jailers. I still don't have a firm handle on what causes their curse power to go into effect. Sometimes they hit me with it from across the room. Other times I have to go in close. I don't know. I hate these guys.

Five Dark Souls 3 Enemies Who Are Just The Worst

4. The Little Punk With The Huge Sword

This little guy isn't that fearsome, but that's why he sucks. He's just another one of the little hooded punks who turn up at various points in the game, usually dangling off of the ceiling waiting to ambush you as you pass by.

You get used to these guys as you play; they move quickly, dodge out of your reach and can be taken out in a hit or two. They're only really dangerous if they catch you by surprise or outnumber you. As long as you pay attention, you can usually knock them down in advance and keep them from ambushing you.

The little shit with the huge sword is a trick, then. He's just like the others, except he's carrying a massive two-handed sword. He'll come toward you and get ready to swing, but he won't swing for a really long time. He'll just keep following you with his sword raised. You roll to the side, thinking he's about to swing and you're going to dodge him, but he waits you out. Just after you've rolled, he absolutely stomps you for massive damage.

The first of these dudes turns up in the Undead Settlement, and another turns up in the Grand Archives. That second one is just far enough into the game that you've probably let down your guard. When I ran into him in the Archives, he straight up killed me. I was level 87 or something, but it made no difference. This tiny dude flattened me with his glowing greatsword and I lost like 60k souls.

It was exactly the sort of "surprise!" kill that Souls games do so well. Suddenly you're taking on a slightly different scrub enemy with a slightly different attack, and you die in the stupidest way. Argh.

Five Dark Souls 3 Enemies Who Are Just The Worst

5. This F**king Thing

OK, I have to put this f**king thing on here. If you've played the game, I'm not even sure I have to say any more.

I'm guessing there's an agreed-upon name for it. Maybe it's "Curse Spider" or "Wolf Spider" or something. I don't know.

All I know is, I just have to say "this f**ing thing" and anyone who has played Dark Souls 3 will know which f**king thing I'm talking about.

Five Dark Souls 3 Enemies Who Are Just The Worst

The best screenshot I could get, because if I looked directly at it for any longer it'd probably crawl through my screen and onto my face

It's huge. It's hairy. It has lots of legs and eyes that glow like lanterns. It hangs from the ceiling and drops onto you.

The moment I first saw it I screamed like a five-year-old, backed into the furthest corner of the adjacent room, grabbed my bow and cheesed it until it vanished from my computer monitor forever, never to return.

Until I ran into another one a few hours later.


Those are my five least favourite enemies in Dark Souls 3. I'm sure you have some of your own. Please share them below, and don't worry. It's just a comments section. They can't hurt us down there.

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Comments

    The F**king thing. ahahhaha... in a world of NOPE, this will be a very high tier nope. Would be interesting to see a top 100 ranking of biggest "nope" enemies across multiple games. Kirk, make it happen please!

      actually lol'd when i read "this f**king thing"

    Although I have only face 3 of them (not sure if there are more to come) but the sulyvahn beast has been the worst I've faced. They're the big crocodile cross wolf things - the first one you encounter is on the bridge to irithyl of the boreal valley. They are disgusting! I got a bigger rush from defeating it than I did from some of the bosses I've fought so far!

    At my first time of facing them I have to say it was the big pot carriers (same as the cage carrier) in Undead Settlement.
    Also the Evil Smurfs (damn that just came to me as I wrote this) that were mentioned in #4.

    What about those huge hulking things in Farron Keep that shoot skulls at you and swing an entire tree around. Usually while you are waist deep in swamp and can't roll.
    Only foe I haven't killed.

      Those things are deceptively fragile. Pull them to somewhere nice, and have at it.

      Lure them into one of the fires scattered around and watch them burn. :)

    The crocodile possum things are tough. I got eaten a few times by them.

    The armoured knights that are throughout the game still give me a beating. That bloody shield slam.

      Shields. Great when we use them, annoying as hell when used against us.

      I do not enjoy being a mook.

      Wait for they first swing, Roll counter-attack, they stagger easy and your attack will always beat theirs even with a GS.

    The frost creatures based off the second boss... Seem to have unlimited stamina so they basically never stop swinging, and their frostbite stacks almost instantly.

    Probably the single most unbalanced enemy in the entire game.

      Oh hell Yeh I readily admit I ganked the fuck out of that guy with my bow, complete b.s. !

    The Jailers don't glow red, it's their lanterns. If they see you they will light them and smoke will whoosh out from them. When they have a direct line of sight to you and their lantern is red they will drain your health bar. After a while if they don't see you they will blow out the light and it will go blue again. Attacking a Jailer instantly turns the lantern red but you have a small window before it starts doing health bar damage.

      Basically 'Winter Lantern' mechanics, but without the Frenzy (though imagine if Jailers had Bleed included).

      Initially I thought it was a sanity-meter type thing where you had to not look at them, but nope - it's if THEY can see YOU.

    Only up to Undead Settlememt so this far the worst enemy are those big Mama Jamas white time out from killing you to read a fucking book! That's the definition of badass right there!

    Also got quite a shock after defeating the first knight (in the high wall) and then finding he respawns, in DS1 there were a lot more enemies that you'd only have to kill once to dispatch!

    Last edited 25/04/16 8:48 pm

    The Nameless King
    -daylight-
    everything else

    I approve of this list. But what about the fucking creepy 'crawling fat hand things!' They have to be on some list, somewhere.

    Takes knuckle-draggin to a whole new level..

    *shudder*

      Yup! Screw those guys, walked into a trap with 3 of them last night. No pretty. Was able to steal the loot and homeward bone my ass out of there. After fighting the one lone dude near the alter looking place, there was no way i was going to risk my precious souls against 3 of them.

    Just encountered the Jailers last night. I was thinking these things are worse than Winter Lanterns. Those hairy water centipede things creep me out too. Fuck those moon faced things too. Chasing a crystal lizard then BAM! Prison shiv. Dead. The later half of DS3 gets pretty brutal.

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