Ordinarily a USB-powered flask holder wouldn’t attract much attention on eBay, even if it’s a Razer-branded version. So to capture people’s attention, one seller wrote a story for the ages.
“Since the dawn of time, only three things have been guaranteed,” the cheeky eBay description begins. “You are born. You will die. Razer will release a limited edition Christmas gift for the chosen few.”
It’s a listing for a limited edition mug flask powered by Razer’s Chroma lighting software. The listing has been pretty effective so far, with bidding up to £300 at the time of writing. But what’s more valuable is the outstanding description, which takes jabs at Razer, Razer’s CEO Min-Liang Tan, PC gamers, internet memes and eBay fraudsters.
The Q&A is full of plenty of great lines too:
Q – But can it run Crysis?
A – Yes, ON FULL SETTINGS. IN GLORIOUS RGB.
Q – Has it been used?
A – Not at all. The Razer Chroma Mug is in brand new condition. This is due to the miniscule needle that implants a chip into your hand shortly after taking the first sip from it, identifying you to Razer and keeping track of your movements 24/7 to appease Emperor Tan.*
Q – Will any liquid placed in the Razer Chroma Mug work in the same way as the Holy Grail does in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, thereby being a foolproof way to bring our lord and saviour aka Harambe back to life?
A – Unfortunately not, we already tried. In fact, I composed a Haiku to explain: –
D**ks out for Harambe
Cry the internet legions
Gorilla is kill
Q – Can you confirm which celebrities have also received this gift?
A – Quite a few actually, Tom Hanks, Terry Crews, Abraham Lincoln and Harambe have already done unboxing videos on Youtube if you search hard enough
The seller, dezolator-uk, has only really sold music albums and memorabilia beforehand, none of which were “sold” quite so creatively. They do have a neat first edition of H.P. Lovecraft’s Haunter of the Dark and Other Tales of Horror, however, which should make for a nice collectors item.
Won’t play Crysis in full RGB, though. And it even earned the appreciation of Emperor Tan:
While I don't encourage our gifts to be eBayed – this guy's description wins the internets: https://t.co/qGUaEOyT4P
— Min-Liang Tan (@minliangtan) January 19, 2017