Come On, Anime

In the category of "gross anime things," let's talk a little about an increasingly popular gross anime thing commonly referred to as "Really 700 years old."

That's when a 700-year-old demon with the body of a young girl who, somehow, finds herself in a sexually compromising position. Yep.

Historically, the trope has referred to otherworldly spirits like Koenma from Yu Yu Hakusho who, although he's 700, looks like a toddler (complete with a pacifier). There's also classics like the badass fighter Lady Kayura, whose hundreds-year-old lifespan isn't apparent with her 12-year-old looks. It's not always sexual. And it's not always young girls. But lately, there's been a lot of that, and oh man is it gross.

Now, there are, for example, childlike goddesses who are literally referred to as "loli big boobs" — I see you, Is It Wrong To Pick Up Girls In A Dungeon?. I see what you did there. It still doesn't fly. Nope.

Here are some examples, all from 2017:

  • UQ Holder (2017): There's a 700-year-old vampire who appears 10. Moments after she's introduced, the viewer sees up her skirt. Soon after, the viewer learns she's acquired magic that increases her apparent age, and, of course, her cup size.
  • Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Maid (2017): There's a dragon girl who appears and behaves like an eight-year-old but, in truth, is very old. In one scene, she throws herself onto a classmate's bed with her legs spread wide open. Then, they play Twister. ("It's for kids," the classmate points out.) The two — both in short skirts — tangle themselves together in a series of shots that hint strongly at a sexual connection. Afterward, the classmate is red and her heart is racing.
  • Grimoire of Zero (2017): A very mature witch appears to be a child. There's sexual tension between herself and a mercenary tiger-man she travels with.
  • The Silver Guardian (2017): The female love interest's online game avatar is a childlike girl with large breasts, but maybe, she's just drawn in the traditional "chibi" style.

And some borderline stuff from this year, too:

  • WorldEnd (2017): There's a race of childlike leprechauns. At one point, the protagonist, who is surrounded by them, gives a 15-year-old fairy (who has been reincarnated) a pretty sensual back massage.
  • The Seven Deadly Sins (2017): A 1,000 year-old child develops feelings for an adult man.
  • Saga of Tanya the Evil (2017): An 11-year-old mage who used to be a Tokyo salaryman leads armies into battle. She isn't really sexualized, though.

It's in games, too. League of Legends recently introduced a flirty child champion named Zoe who is several thousand years old, although she couldn't be considered sexualized.

With every new anime season, I yell, Please, no, into the void, and the void just winks back and dishes out more of this crap. Among anime fans, it's become part laughing-matter and part cringe-instigator. And now that we've established that this is not just a thing, but a thing that is happening quite often, I'm going to clear my Google search history, heave a big sigh and hold my breath when I wade through next season's anime.

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