Returnal Weapons, Ranked

Returnal Weapons, Ranked

Returnal, a new PS5-exclusive action game, is tough as nails. But, as with many games that feature roguelike elements, all sorts of weapons can turn up on your runs. Each one can help you, with various degrees of efficacy, on your quest of “not dying.” Here, according to the tried-and-true scientific method of our long-running underexplained lists, is the definitive ranking of those weapons.

From best to worst…

  1. Thermogenic launcher (with “full auto” perk)
  2. Tachyomatic carbine
  3. Hollowseeker
  4. Spitmaw blaster
  5. Electropylon driver
  6. Modified sidearm
  7. Coilspine shredder
  8. Dreadbound
  9. Pyroshell caster
  10. Thermogenic launcher (without “full auto” perk)
  11. Literally nothing equipped at all.
  12. Seriously, you’d be better running through Atropos with your hands tied behind your back.
  13. And blindfolded.
  14. Rotgland lobber


  • I prefer the Hollowseeker just for the fact that I can fire vaguely in the right direction and focus more on screaming/swearing/not dying.

    I might have to abandon my homing projectile ways for Hyperion, though. He’s not exactly difficult to hit, and biome 4 is way too short to build up the same absurd self-healing steamroller of power that helped me beat biomes 2 and 3 the first time I saw them (playing myself in the process, since I now can’t get back there and pick up all the things I missed).

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