Whether you’re playing a game filled with quiet tension and don’t want to ruin the experience with the sound of crunchy crackers, anger mates on the other end of your mic, or you’re playing at a time when you or others should be asleep and don’t want to get caught, quiet food can be key. Luckily, there are so many options for delicious foods that won’t ruin the moment while still being a whole meal.
Here are five options, ranked by difficulty from easy to hard.
Bananas and berries
Unfortunately, not all fruit is quiet enough for this purpose. Like, if an apple is worth its salt, it’s going to have some crunch. But a banana? It’s the ultimate stealth food. Sure, it tastes disgusting, but it’s filling, low-effort and has potassium, which is probably good.
Berries are another great choice, and they actually taste good. Oranges or mandarins are technically quiet to eat, but dealing with the juice, pips and skin quietly and cleanly bring them closer to expert level.
Sandwiches
Soft bread, a slice of cheese and another pre-sliced, non-spreadable filling like deli meat or a second kind of cheese make sandwiches not only delicious and filling but quiet to eat and make.
It doesn’t dirty any utensils if you don’t use spreads or cut it into triangles (though, admittedly, most food tastes better when cut into triangles), and if you have shelf-like boobs and a natural slouch, you could potentially even get away with not using a plate. There are so many possibilities.
Cold bowl foods
As long as you can avoid the terrible clang of metal spoon against ceramic bowl, cold bowl foods are relatively quiet to serve and eat. Here you’ve got ice cream, jelly, chocolate mousse, trifle, custard, and, if you plan ahead, Eton mess.
Just make sure you don’t add any crunchy toppings, or give yourself one of those brutal brain freezes that cause high-pitched sounds of suffering, and you should be right to enjoy in peace and quiet.
Cake
This is another time when you need to be able to avoid the sound of a tiny cake fork hitting whatever your plates are made out of because somehow they seem to have the resonance of an orchestral triangle. However, if you have cake that has more of a cakey crumble texture than a fudgey brownie texture so you can cleanly eat it with your hands, then this is a delicious and quiet snack.
Just be mindful of how loud cake can be to cut on a plate, and just give up now if it’s in one of those supermarket plastic containers – they are louder than even the most primal scream.
Hot bowl foods
Hot bowl foods are essentially the most delicious and practical to eat while gaming. They balance well on a lap, you can eat them one-handed, you’re not having to wield a knife and fork on the crockery, you don’t need to be concerned about melting, and it’s a very versatile genre of food.
Hot bowl foods cover curries, noodles, stir fries, pasta, risottos, ramen, pho, porridge, and more.
The reason I consider them the most complicated on this list is the heating: doing this quietly requires expert knowledge of your microwave, and enough forethought to have made leftovers earlier.
However, they drop down to number 1 on the list (while still being the most delicious) if you order your hot bowl food using DoorDash’s new subscription service DashPass. Free delivery during your 60-day free trial means you can have delicious, hot gaming food any time, and you only need to work out how to open and close your front door quietly.
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