The United States of America now has a Happy Meal for adults, because it seems like adults look at children having a meal dedicated to them and feel left out. While it is possible to simply buy a Happy Meal toy separately, apparently this isn’t an option. Maybe it is illegal in America? Who knows.
Naturally, the Adult Happy Meal is more expensive than the Happy Meal, despite not including anything related to getting off or taking drugs. Instead, there are toys that look like they’ve either gotten off or taken drugs, and none of us wants to know what Grimace looks like when he cums.
Anyway, considering Australia does not have an Adult Happy Meal yet, I thought it would be a great idea to pitch some ideas to McDonald’s for toys that could be included in Happy Meals for Adults that won’t get them in any trouble.
A Dryer’s Worth of Lint and also some Staples
When have you not needed staples? Rarely ever. Staples are one of those things that you never buy but you always need. On top of that, it is generally a much more exciting experience to be in a McDonald’s than any place that sells staples separately.
Package that in with an entire dryer’s worth of lint and you can do anything. You will be capable of anything you want. Anything is possible with a dryer’s worth of lint, some staples, and a brain full of dreams.
Hair?
Bald? Easy fix. Adult Happy Meal with some hair. Glue sold separate. Figure it out.
All of the McDonald’s workers have shaved heads when you walk into your local chain. You wonder why. You recieve the hair in your Adult Happy Meal, and you are grateful for the sacrifice they have made for their minimum wage hospitality job.
A Solid Car Battery
This car battery is compatible with a Mazda Hilux, meaning it’s essential for anybody buying a McDonald’s Adult Happy Meal. It will probably also work with other cars, but I couldn’t tell you. I don’t know shit about cars.
The best part of the car battery that comes with your Adult Happy Meal is you are legally allowed to throw it in the ocean when you’re done with it. The cops cannot legally stop you.
Nothing
What about nothing, huh? What about some food? What if people just ate the food, bought a Happy Meal for their “child” and then kept the toy, huh?
What if there’s no heaven? What if there’s no God? What if there’s nothing? This Adult Happy Meal is the embodiment of these questions. You know what the best addition to your McDonald’s meal could be? A new perspective.
This article has been updated since it was first published.
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