I have spent almost my entire weekend playing Powerwash Simulator. I’ve been spending time with loved ones, of course, but outside of that has been my special Powerwash Simulator time. I think I need a powerwasher but I don’t know why.
Powerwash Simulator is a power-washing simulator developed by FuturLab and published by Square Enix. It came out in the middle of last year, and I know I’m late but I literally don’t know if any game is going to calm my horrible little mind as much as Powerwash Simulator does. I’m on the Bunnings website right now.
Since its release, Powerwash Simulator has had a variety of free content added to the game including themed content from Tomb Raider and Final Fantasy, both of which are Square Enix properties so it makes sense why they’re in the game. I’m typing ‘power washer’ into the search bar of the Bunnings website right now.
I can’t fully make sense of why I get so much joy from Powerwash Simulator. No simulator game has ever hit like this one has. There is something so deeply rewarding about hitting a beautiful garden with a high-pressure hose and making it squeaky clean. Speaking of, did you know that Bunnings has a high-pressure washer for just $119? That feels cheap to me!
I’m worried that Powerwash Simulator is going to have a negative effect not only on my career but also on my bank account. I don’t want to play any other game but Powerwash Simulator. I want to clean. I want to hit my brain with a high-pressure hose and clean it. Also, I don’t think I actually need a high-pressure washer. $119 is a good price, but I have no use for it. So why do I think I need it? What is it about the Ozito 1800W 2030PSI High-Pressure Washer that is so enticing?
My housemate/bestie/wife saw me playing Powerwash Simulator and laughed. She asked why it was a game, and thought it was funny that I spent around $20 on it (it was on sale). I told her that she doesn’t get it, it’s actually really good and it’ll change her life. I left the house and came back the next day only to find her telling me that she really wants to play it. I’ve got the high-pressure washer in my cart, but I’m not going to hit ‘buy’.
With every ‘ding’ that chimes when I clean a certain area, a rush of serotonin hits my brain like clockwork. Using all the different nozzles to address different muck is so exciting. And then when I upgrade my washer? Oh my god. Oh my god. I feel alive. Did you know that Bunnings has Click and Collect, so I could hypothetically pay for the Ozito 1800W 2030PSI High-Pressure Washer and then go pick it up, meaning I wouldn’t even have to pay for shipping?
There is something about this game. It takes hours for me to power-wash a playground and for some reason, I’m not getting impatient. This game feels like the same sensation that a baby feels when watching CocoMelon. When I complete most tasks, I feel nothing. However, when I’ve fully power-washed the Scorpion Sentinel from Final Fantasy VII Remake, I feel overjoyed. Like my life has meaning. What is wrong with me?
And more importantly, can anybody give me a lift to and from my nearest Bunnings, which apparently has the Ozito 1800W 2030PSI High-Pressure Washer in stock? Thanks.
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