Jedi Survivor Players, You Are An Enormous Disappointment

Jedi Survivor Players, You Are An Enormous Disappointment

As a lot of studios do these days, the team at Respawn have waited a few weeks after the launch of Star Wars: Jedi Survivor then decided to share some statistics on how the players have been playing. And I am shocked.

Here’s the first set of stats, revealing perhaps the game’s two most important choices: which Jedi stance you used, and which combination of hair and beard you went with.

Image: EA
Image: EA

Single? What? This game lets you use two lightsabers, stick two lightsabers together, wield a lightsaber and a gun at the same time or just swing around a BIG LIGHTSABER and most people opted for single? Basic bitches. Crossguard was clearly the best stance, because the only thing better than a lightsaber is a bigger lightsaber.

As for people’s hair and beard choices…I’m so disappointed in you. Crew cut/short beard isn’t even the default option! Enough people went for this dreadful, Not-At-All-StarWarsyForrest Gump-arse look that it beat out the Manbun Mall Ninja and, even more surprisingly, the combo I thought everyone was rocking:

Image: EA
Image: EA

Anyway, that’s it for the contentious statistics. The rest of them are more predictable, like the most popular lightsaber colour being white — not the most common in the wider series, but always looks good in a video game — and by far the most popular difficulty choice being the middle-of-the-road Jedi Knight.

As for the 489 people killed by Rick the Door Technician…I am going to assume you were AFK or checking your phone or something.

Image: EA
Image: EA

Here are the rest — sadly, there’s no numbers on wardrobe picks, but they were so varied the numbers were probably spread too thin to matter — which are really only surprising in that they reveal a lot of players really put some time into the game’s more leisurely pursuits, diversions I looked at once for critical purposes then never touched again because I was too busy doing triple jumps over desert canyons, romancing space ladies and cutting Stormtroopers in half.

Image: EA
Image: EA
Image: EA
Image: EA

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