Alyssa Bereznak Just Reminded Us That Women Can Be Predators Online Too

Alyssa Bereznak is making us females look bad. I'm ashamed on behalf of our sex that she said those bitchy things. In her article, she accuses a world champion of Magic: The Gathering of being a liar and a creep. In reality, her predatory and trollish behaviour makes her the creepy one.

First of all, let me say up front that I totally buy the stigma associated with online dating. I know online dating sites like RSVP have been around for yonks now, but I can't help but think that it's for desperados — a last resort. Alyssa's piece about her OKCupid experience serves as a reminder that there's a good chance you'll end up wasting your time on someone like her, whose elitist attitude you would have not been interested in from the get-go had you met her in a real-life situation.

Earlier this month, I came home drunk and made an OKCupid profile. What the hell, I thought. I'm busy, I'm single, and everybody's doing it. Sure, I'd heard horror stories, but what was the worst that could happen?

The fact that you don't know when you've had too much alcohol already says a lot about you. Any guy will tell you that there's nothing more unattractive than a drunk girl falling all over the place and having no idea how stupid she looks. The fact that you don't know your limits when it comes to alcohol — and that you're using being drunk to justify your actions — doesn't make you look very credible.

There's no point wondering what terrible things could have happened. The worst that did happen in this situation was that you joined OKCupid and f**ked with some poor guy's head and then publicly humiliated him. You talk about OKCupid being like "the online equivalent to hanging out alone in a dark, date-rapey bar", but you just made yourself out to be the predator. You were obviously desperate enough to continue trolling OKCupid well after you sobered up and realised and you had no legitimate reason for being on there. It's no wonder men always complain about women playing mind games. You managed to reinforce a stereotype that some of us have worked so hard to disassociate ourselves with.

I'll readily admit that if he's anything remotely like how Alyssa described him (which I doubt), I probably wouldn't be interested in him romantically myself. That doesn't mean I don't think he'd be a cool friend to have — the people I hang out with the most are nerds of some kind, but I'm only really sexually attracted to blokey blokes. You know, the manly types that look good without trying too hard and aren't fussed about having a bit of a belly. In any case, everyone has an ego, and crushing someone's modest expectations of themselves is unnecessary let alone damaging to the self-esteem.

That's why I find it so appalling that you laughed when he said he was the world champion of Magic: The Gathering. Why would you do that? Any other person would have been genuinely curious, and I would have been nothing less than excited to learn more about a game I've heard so much about, yet know so little of. It's not easy to be good at something, let alone be the world champion at it.

It really is a shame you forgot to Google him before you had dinner with him. Perhaps then you might have given him the respect that he deserves. I agree that disclosing your marital status and any kids in an online dating profile is mandatory, but calling him a liar for not putting down the fact that he's a world champion at something is unfair. I call that being modest — a highly desirable attribute, and one that you seem to lack.

As you suggested, being so shallow that you couldn't see past his world title led you to make the truth look like fiction. If you walked away from the second date thinking that he was nothing more than "a champion dweeb in hedge funder's clothing", then that's your fault. Did you ever stop to think that maybe he was in hedge funder's clothing because he actually, you know, works for a hedge fund company. I doubt that a guy who's intelligent enough to be in a job like that is so socially retarded that he's unable to make conversation about anything other than Magic: The Gathering. And if he was, I'm sure you wouldn't have hesitated to make a point of it in your slanderous article. Sometimes, guys need to be prodded into speaking about themselves. From what you've written, it's clear that you failed completely at making proper conversation with him.

You not only accuse him of lying in his profile, you also accuse him of "infiltrat[ing]his way into OKCupid dates" with two people you know. Yes, it is strange, which is why I would have gone out of my way to ask him about it rather than make nasty assumptions about him online. You judged him so harshly and publicly without giving concrete reasons as to why we should believe you.

So what can we all learn from Alyssa's rant? She's a narcissist who you would probably not want to date, women can be predators online too, and be assured that her experience is the exception rather than the rule.

To the Magic champ: I'd love to hear your side of the story. Dinner?


Comments

    oh. SNAP. Great work Elly!

      No this bitch isn't the exception. She's the rule: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_2LpLhOsc4

        *As told by the women we cherry picked to support the intended message.

        Grade A stuff. I'm uunqestnioably in your debt.

      So if women are predators that means that us men need to man up and become like Arnie!

      we all know how that ended!

        With a nuke?

        If it bleeds, we can kill it.

    She sounds nutsy.

    "women can be predators online too"

    Does this then technically count as a victory for gender equality? After all equally bad is still EQUAL...

      Equality: When everyone has the same amount of fail!

    Alyssa is a twat.

    Now that that's out of the way, the one thing that has been bugging me the most is the "infiltrat[ing] his way into OKCupid dates" line.

    I can't work out if that is a bad attempt at wordplay (the M:TG card based is called Shadowmage Infiltrator) or if she genuinely thought that his "lying" by omission was that severe.

    Also, online dating really is weird. I've done it, been on the odd date and it always just feels like a strange way to meet someone. Maybe it's the whole profile thing, you essentially write up something to advertise yourself and that's a pain in the rectal cavity.

      I wouldn't use the word Twat personally Trjn...

      The word I'd use means the same thing, has four letters and starts with...

      Nevermind :)

      "I can’t work out if that is a bad attempt at wordplay (the M:TG card based is called Shadowmage Infiltrator) or if she genuinely thought that his “lying” by omission was that severe."

      Sounds like the latter. It would appear that Alyssa is a dumb bimbo, and that she thinks that anyone who's the world champion of anything simply lives, eats, breathes, and bathes in it. So the fact that he wasn't displaying he's the world champion of Magic on his profile clearly meant to her that he was lying, when she should have realized that Jon has his head on straight, and leads a normal life OUTSIDE of Magic. You know, like working for a hedge fund company and trying to go out on real dates with girls where the conversation ISN'T always Magic. Maybe the guy wanted to try and find a girl to date who without her immediate judgment (whether good or bad).

    Hopefully Alyssa will not get many dates now because anyone she's interested in will google her. Like, hardcore.

    Wow, it seems Alyssa is not that apologetic about it. She just added this little sentence to the end of her 'article'.

    "Also, for all you world famous nerds out there: Don’t go after two Gawker Media employees and not expect to have a post written about you. We live for this kind of stuff."

      Oh yeah - heaven forfend that the chap might think there could be some common ground with himself and someone who works for the Gawker network. That's just crazy!

      She should have put that warning on her dating profile.

      "employee?" Is that what she's calling herself? She was an intern and now she's nothing.

    What a total bitch. Seriously. World championship status is impressive, and Magic is a huge card game. Sif not be impressed at world champion status of ANYTHING.

    She just sounds like a shallow prissy jerk. The article should be pulled, she's clearly an idiot.

    While I mostly agree with this article, I take issue with this part:

    "The fact that you don’t know when you’ve had too much alcohol already says a lot about you."

    ...which is a value judgement that makes you look equally as shallow and narrow-minded as the lady you attack.

      I stand by it without hesitation.

        Stand by it, I still find that statement pretty judgmental. I'm not sure her drinking says much of anything about her, as plenty of people (I'm throwing out figures like 100%) have been drunk before.

        Judge her for her bad behavior, which was predominantly done sober.

          Judge not lest ye something something...

          Nineteen, here. Grade eight drop-out, budding game developer, and heading out to the prairies to work on oil rigs for quick funding.

          I have *never* been drunk, or high for that matter. I am of legal age to drink, I have no religious obligations (atheist through and through), and I live in Canada (there is no social stigma regarding the act). Never been high for that matter either.

          I have had a few beers over the years, a couple of drinks. But I always stop well short of impaired judgement or physical capabilities. Perhaps by the end of my day's I may have been drunk a few times, but I'd argue saying things like "everyone's done it a few times" when it's not strictly true is just tipping the scales to justify doing it oneself.

          Note; it wouldn't be the deciding factor about you, or anyone, but everything someone does *does* say something about them.

          Keeping the above in mind, I think Elly made a solid point. Getting wasted for the sake of being wasted isn't always the defining point of a bad character, but often the defining point of a bad character is doing something agreeably pathetic like just getting wasted for the sake of being wasted (or writing up pointless, incendiary, and most of all undeserved articles about people you consciously chose to spend time with in the first place).

        I think it was more her way of giving an excuse for the "shame" of signing up - several people I know who have happily used online dating originally claimed they "had a few drinks" or " a friend 'forced' me to sign up" - Ms Hart's reference to it only being for desperados explains why people feel the need for the justification.

        I otherwise agree with this article 100% though.

        I agree with you. I don't drink and I understand people get drunk, but I think that Elly has a point.
        "The fact that you don’t know when you’ve had too much alcohol already says a lot about you."
        I have seen it so many times where girls will purposely drink in excess because they think that only being able to lie on the side of a street is fun. I think that says a lot about the person. It tells me they have no control.
        Also I'm pretty sure we can tell what kind of person she is from the article =/

      To be fair, it's a value judgement about a lifestyle choice, not about a hobby, so yeah, I'd stand by that one myself.

      I agree. Seemed unfair and petty in light of the real issues.

      Every once in awhile I get drunk deliberately. I take exception to the idea that it means anything about me.

      Hmm, gotta say I kind of agree. This made you look like a bit of a judgemental jerk. "Any guy will tell you that there’s nothing more unattractive than a drunk girl falling all over the place and having no idea how stupid she looks". So having a few too many drinks for a chick and doing something lame makes them "un-attractive"? Man, girls and guys do stuff like this all the time. Too me it's generally funny (depending on what they do obviously, lol). But to make a point, if chicks do this it makes them "un-attractive". I dunno... But yeah, she does seem like a jerk regardless.

        Personally, drinking to excess and then using it to justify dickish behaviour is the only thing less attractive than the socially accepted suicide/murder cult that is smoking. Tells me a lot about the woman in question even before I read the details.

        The problem isn't that she's a drinker, it's that she's a drinker who doesn't know when to stop. It's kind of like telling a joke, really - jokes are funny, but if the joke makes you look like a twat, you've gone too far.

        Of course, the best part of this whole article is in the little girls post it's mentioned not once, but twice that the company publicly disowns it. She doesn't even have the excuse of being the attractive cheerleader type and such never learn table manners during high school, if her g+ profile is anything to go on.

        I have to say, in the interest of fairness, her twitter says "Former intern", so this could very well of been a revenge piece, but I doubt it based on her conversation methods between 'friends'.

        Either we all just got trolled something hardcore, or she's a shallow crazy cat lady in the making, and it's just sad and pathetic either way.

          That's your opinion, that's cool, just feel that singling out "women who have too much to drink" is lame and judgemental and kind of makes her argument lose a lot steam. A lot of people do dickish things when they drink. A lot of people do dickish things when they're sober. Just saying in most cases people can have a bit of a laugh about it. But to say that "I’m ashamed on behalf of our sex" by what she said I think is being really overly dramatic. I did say that Alyssa came off as a jerk but don't know if implying "women who can't hold their liquour are pathetic" really wins any points ;)

    I couldn't have said this better myself. This is pretty much my thoughts exactly. GET OUT OF MY HEAD, ELLY!

    Let's all remember though, this piece (and others like it) isn't (or rather shouldn't be) about "oh snap!" and getting just as snarky as Alyssa. Elly has made some valid points about unfair stereotypes and trying to get away from prejudice and petty judgmental comments which goes beyond simply pointing out how shallow and vain Alyssa has demonstrated she is.

      Come for the "oh snap", stay for the valid discussion on gender stereo-types. :)

        I must high five you, sir.

      I see your point, we shouldn't judge her for being judgemental. But one of the key things that irks me with this is that what she has done is outright unprofessional.

      If it was a personal Tumblr or blog that would be fine, but this was on the front page of Gizmodo, painting a humble and nerdy world champion as a creepy weirdo. And she still thinks she's in the right! Gah!

        *dips head in bucket of ice water*
        Sorry, the sheer thought of it is making me furious haha

    Oh man. That's full of win.

    And Miss Hart, I'm sure you just inadvertently won over the hearts (no pun intended) of many red-blooded male with a paunch while you were laying the smack down too. :P

      another +1

    " Any guy will tell you that there’s nothing more unattractive than a drunk girl falling all over the place"

    I don't know about that, I think some guys might disagree! :P

    Great article though, she sounds like a real piece of work

    While I think of it: Alyssa mentioned that we should all "Google" people we are about to date. I wonder how she thinks people successfully dated before the Internet and having your "real" identity online became popular. But there's more things I find wrong about her article than just the few things we've had a chance to discuss here.

      Googling people you find on dating sites is a touch easier than googling people you know only by their real name.

      Google my real name, you'll find nothing of value. Google my handle and you'll be able to find out a lot about me. So if someone uses the same handle on a dating site as they do elsewhere on the net, you can do a fair bit of stalking.

      One girl on a dating site mentioned that she had a Deviant Art profile and played WoW, a quick search of her username found the DA page and had I wanted to, I could have searched further (I really did only want to see what her art was like, I'm not that stalkery even if I do have the ability).

      It's pretty terrible advice, really the most amusing thing about her recommendation to google your dates is that if someone she courts on OK Cupid follows it, they'll find her little tirade.

    Yea, i don't buy it to be honest. I think the original article was designed to be a viral advertisement for a dating website.

    The best thing about what Alyssa did is that anyone who googles Alyssa Bereznak from now on will know what a P.O.S. she is and knock back any dates with her.

    Enjoy single life with a house full of cats Alyssa. You deserve it.

      I pity the poor cats, and I don't even like the vermin.

    God, that woman really is a cow.

    Nice article Elly.

      She is. One can easily find her Google+ account. She looks like a horse.

    This comment has been deemed inappropriate and has been deleted

    One of the first things I thought after reading the original post was it seemed a bit odd that a writer for Gizmodo -- a technology site! -- would complain about geeks and nerds. It would be like if any Kotaku writer said "Ew, gamers!". It makes no sense. :-/

      at all.

      So a bit like Jen Schiller complaining about eSports on Kotaku back in July?

      There's a whole lot wrong with the article, but the publishing on Gizmodo would have been solely because they knew outrage was inbound.

        Traffic troll.

          I think it might be actually. Anyone who isn't an idiot would pull this article.

          Plus, Response Article: 12:50PM Elly Hart

          Original Article: 12:45PM Alyssa Bereznak

          And this response article is huge.... Is it due to delays with the Australian website or something, or was this all a set up?

            The Australian site reposts the content from the American site. The original post over on Gizmodo US (or was it Jezebel that had it first?) was up several hours ago.

            I'd say that the Aussie editors decided only to put the original up after Elly had written her response. To give this piece context.

              Yeah, that was my first suspiscion.

      As I said on Twitter, the part where she refers to herself as a 'nerd' then proceeds to insult a guy for being a 'nerd' is just ridiculous.

        That's what happens when hipsters try and be cool by labeling themselves as a "nerd".

      She is working at the wrong place.

      Yeah that was gnawing at me too, it's almost as if she doesn't even KNOW the audience the content of the site appeals to...

    Wow, that article really shows a lack of morals. That's what you get for taking this girl out on a date - being humiliated on the internet?

    As others have said, I hope people take her advice and google her before they take her out - that way they'll realise how much of a megabitch she is.

    Reading that original article was depressing. To think that people are so shallow saddens me.

    I used to play Magic too. I'm still a mega nerd and my wife loves me for it.

    I'm with all of yall, Alyssa Bereznak is a cat lady.

    I doubt anyone will want to date this Alyssa chick after Googling her name.

    Alyssa's whole post just reeks of blogging.

    Not journalism, just out right, teenage-read-my-tumblr-blogging.

    How this ever got posted on a once reputable tech news site is beyond me.

    Sure Gawker might want traffic, but get it the way the AU sites have, with well written, researched articles by great journalists.

    As for the woman, or as she's made abundantly clear, girl, who wrote this 'article', I can't see her seeing this backlash and using it well to reassess what kind of person she is.

    I would love to see her reply to Elly, or just write a follow-up article to the original, but I won't hold my breath.

    Kudos to Elly for taking the time to write this. What Alyssa did was pretty horrible and I'm glad someone took the time to professionally call her out on it.

    As I said in my gizmodo post:

    “This story sounds mean”

    No, sorry, it is mean. You publicly berated a person who has a hobby playing a card game – a well paying one, from the sounds of it, and act like a shallow, judgemental sack of crap. Which is exactly what I’m going to do now.

    I can imagine other dates you will have:

    “He’s stunning, but he works as a system administrator and owns a Microsoft Server 2008 book bigger than a dictionary!! DUMPED.”

    “He’s amazing, but he has a commodore 64 gathering dust in his garage! DUMPED!”

    “He’s dreamy, but I then found out he does video editing on a computer! DUMPED!”

    “I didn’t find porn on his computer, but a collection of MAME roms and King of Fighters as his most played game! RAPE!”

    “He has a DVD collection of 1970′s exploitation films! DUMPED HARDCORE!”

    “He has a collection of (insert anything here)!! DUMPED.”

    “He’s a journalist on Gizmodo, a gadget site! DUMPED!”

    “He had something unexpected about him I don’t like, and can’t look past because I’m a gigantic black hole of ass! D-D-D-DUMPOBREAKER!”

    “He isn’t a vapid, shallow asshole who has no hobbies other than calling his friends “brah!” DUMPED-DO-KEN!”

    As I said in my gizmodo post:

    “This story sounds mean”

    No, sorry, it is mean. You publicly berated a person who has a hobby playing a card game – a well paying one, from the sounds of it, and act like a shallow, judgemental sack of crap. Which is exactly what I’m going to do now.

    I can imagine other dates you will have:

    “He’s stunning, but he works as a system administrator and owns a Microsoft Server 2008 book bigger than a dictionary!! DUMPED.”

    “He’s amazing, but he has a commodore 64 gathering dust in his garage! DUMPED!”

    “He’s dreamy, but I then found out he does video editing on a computer! DUMPED!”

    “I didn’t find porn on his computer, but a collection of MAME roms and King of Fighters as his most played game! RAPE!”

    “He has a DVD collection of 1970′s exploitation films! DUMPED HARDCORE!”

    “He has a collection of (insert anything here)!! DUMPED.”

    “He’s a journalist on Gizmodo, a gadget site! DUMPED!”

    “He had something unexpected about him I don’t like, and can’t look past because I’m a gigantic black hole of ass! D-D-D-DUMPOBREAKER!”

    “He isn’t a vapid, shallow asshole who has no hobbies other than calling his friends “brah!” DUMPED-DO-KEN!”

    Whoa, posted it twice. the hell?

      If it's worth doing it's worth doing twice?

      *predator-style man-shake for Fistbeard*

      Here you go sir, you just won the internet.

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