Do you have what it takes to get a review published right here on Kotaku? Steve does, as he murders your childhood.
Yes, that’s right, we’re now publishing reader reviews here on Kotaku. This is your chance to deliver sensible game purchasing advice to the rest of the Kotaku community.
And thanks to the very kind chaps at Madman Entertainment, purveyor of all kinds of cool, indie and esoteric film, the best reader review we publish each month will win a prize pack containing ten of the latest Madman DVD releases.
This review was submitted by Steve Croft. If you’ve played Naughty Bear, or just want to ask Steve more about it, leave your thoughts in the comments below.
Naughty Bear (360)
Ever wondered what would happen if Jason Voorhees met the Carebears? Me neither! But 505 Studios did, and Naughty Bear is the bastard offspring! Pick up a controller, pull out your sociopathic tendancies and todays the day Dexter went to the Teddybears' picnic...
Dahmer Meets Playskool: Naughty Bear himself, he's over the top, yet scary in a family friendly way. But there's nothing family friendly about this stuffed animal. From his flea bitten, patchwork fur, to his psychotic scowl, this bear wants to hug you and squeeze you... and tear your arms off in the process. Character design for the other bears is pretty top notch. It's fairly humorous seeing teddy bears dressed as police, army and ninjas complete with katanas!
One Violent SOB: The kills are pretty creative! Sabotage a powerbox and wait for a bear to fix it, sneak up behind and SLAM his head into it! Use a bat and go Al Capone on some poor furry sap! Set a landmine and wait for a teddy to walk on it, then kick them square up the furballs and watch them explode or even the harder to do fourth option... scare a bear to death! It's possible! Even better? It's fun. Very fun.
Combo-Based Gameplay: Build up the combos! Kill bear after bear, destroy items, be naughty! Rack up those points! It gives instant replay value to each level. Get that higher score! Find new combos!
Lasting Appeal: It's all over too quick. The levels, the appeal, the fun. It's a rental at best. The value isn't there to justify the 109.95 retail asking price. If you can find this game for 50 bucks? Sure go ahead. But full price? No way. Sure there's unlockable content in the form of extra costumes, four extra missions per each of the seven levels, but they're more diversions, extra objectives to 'do the mission without getting hit', or 'do the mission in under this time limit', etc. Nothing of major actual difference.
Poorly Presented: The graphics. Very very simple. The game reeks of being released during beta. Seriously, these are reminiscent of five years ago. Textures are so muddy and unfinished at times it was like looking at an N64! The aliasing is *terrible* on the 360 (the version this was reviewed on), there's no environmental interaction, Naughty Bear will just walk straight through foliage for example.
The Controls: Too loose. At times Naughty gets stuck on objects easily, the camera is just way too close, he's just possibly 'too' responsive. At other times, he's like a statue, too hard to move! Combat is just a matter of spamming X with a weapon in hand until RT shows up on screen, then pull the right trigger. Voila. Too simple really. You can dodge, but there's no point. Spamming X is the order of the day.
In the end? Rent, don't buy Naughty Bear. Not at this price. It's a budget game in premium packaging.
Reviewed by: Steve Croft
You can have your Reader Review published on Kotaku. Send your review to us at the usual address. Make sure it’s written in the same format as above and in under 500 words - yes, we’ve upped the word limit. We’ll publish the best ones we get and the best of the month will win a Madman DVD prize pack.