Your New Kotaku AU Editor

Ladies and gentlemen, we've kept you in the dark for weeks. Our mysterious agents have crossed the globe, organising a tournament of mortal combat - and at long last, a new editor has emerged victorious. I'm happy to announce that man is Mark Serrels. And he'll be starting here on October 11. In order to get to know your new editor better, we've included an epic bio, which may or may not have happened.

There isn't much room for love in the dank, perpetually wet slums of Glasgow. Which is why when we stand next to Mark Serrels and catch him looking longingly, unfocused into the distance, we tease him. Scots, after all, are funny.

Perhaps it's the endless rain and gloom of the place that turns would-be engineers, doctors and lawyers into achievement obsessives and frag fiends. Perhaps our Serrels managed to turn his method of escape into a career.

But I digress - let's start at the beginning. Mr (or Doctor, if you count voodoo) Mark Serrels was born into a family of wealth. His mother, a money lender, was cruel to most. But she hadn't reckoned on the charms of a certain haggis salesman, and the two set out to conquer Scotland's commerce system with their love.

Haggis was trading well at the time. Before long, the Serrels had set up one of the largest properties in town. At roughly 8sqm, it was the envy of even the mayor.

But despite their success, the Serrels clan couldn't afford fancy Nintendo systems, or even a D&D rulebook. They had to make up their own games. It was clear that first-born Mark had keen insight into game design with the second edition of his masterpiece, Carry the Log.

Selling the family Haggis empire was the only way to let young Mark, clearly a prodigy, flourish. But his first game wasn't exactly on every young boy's most wanted list: Barbie Horse Adventures was all the family could afford.

That didn't stop him though, as he quickly rose through the ranks of Glasgows passionate, competitive Horse Adventures scene. Here he is after winning his first championship with an entirely new method of pony grooming, later described as a "game changer":

Many know about the Starcraft craze in South Korea, but not many know about the legions of fans one picks up in Japan when playing Mark's next subject of mastery: Cho Aniki.

"I can't describe it," said Mark at the time. "I just feel drawn to the game. As if it knows me better than I know myself. I push the buttons, but really, the game pushes my buttons."

Mark's massive male fan club, to this day, sends him endless packages of cupcakes modelled after their idol, which he promptly forwards to his 20-something brothers and sisters in Glasgow. Not so they can eat it - just to show off.

But alas, even the best Cho Aniki players suffer from a slow in reaction speeds eventually, and Mark felt the need for a bigger challenge. He decided to tackle the game of life.

Part One of his conquest involved identifying a paradise with golden beaches and quality beer. That place was Australia.

Part Two involved playing games for a living. He walked up to the editor of Official PlayStation Magazine one day, out of the blue, and simply asked for a job. Thinking he was Simon Pegg, the editor obliged.

Part Three of Mark's devilish plan to win at life was to have an Acting Editor dance around in a whipped cream bikini. And without going into too much detail... Let's just say he's half succeeded.

But one last hurdle remains. During Serrels' time among the Watuchi tribe of South Africa, attempting a forbidden voodoo ritual to get Scotland into the World Cup, he inadvertently bestowed upon himself the ability to grow backwards in time. Like Merlin - or for the less educated, Benjamin Button.

Until a cure for this curious case is found, my duties as Acting Editor will include burping, and nappy changes. I will perform them with pride.

Our following post will be an interview with your new Kotaku AU editor. If this were TV, I'd say "stay tuned". But it's not. So instead I'll say, "Are you going to eat that?"


Comments

    Seamus and Wildgoose topless... negative.
    Jungy topless (in E3 video)... check.
    Mark Serrels topless (in introductory post)... check.

    I LIKE WHERE THIS IS HEADING

    Welcome Mark!

    I'm curious...is the zombie photo from before or after the job interview?

      During.

        So the skeleton hanging in the background is...another applicant??? Damn. Brutal selection process.

    Oh god can't believe they used that pic :P

    Hooray for Mark.

    Welcome Mr Mark Serrels. I look forward to things.

    ...and yes, with a name like FatShady... I AM going to eat that!

      Thanks guys – can't wait to start!

      And to answer all the unasked questions – yes, that is real sunburn. And yes, it was really, really painful.

    Omfg Serrels~! We missed you at the last A-N meet :P

    Good to have you around again.

    Bringing back the Gameplayer forums?

    My god he must get sick of the Simon Pegg jokes - he is an absolute spitting image.

    Still, better than looking like Edgar Wright I guess.

      and yes, I meant Nick Frost. *facepalm*

    Welcome! :)

    And goodbye Jung, when you inevitably will leave us :(

      Yeah, it'll be sad to see him go... But I doubt this is the last we've heard from him. ;)

    Having worked with the man, let me say that y'all are in for a truly incomprehensible treat!

    Hiya! Always nice to see a new face, here's to the future! :)

    Welcome to the fold Mark!

    Yay! Scotsman!

    Although, this is going to mean some changes will inevitably happen.
    No more prizes, but more drinking... I predict.

    Welcome - you seem like fun :P

    There's no denying that Simon Pegg likeness! holy crap! Dead ringer! Hopefully I will find myself laughing at you for all the same reasons as I laugh at him (the right ones that is ;)

    Welcome aboard the K-Train! I'll be your resident competition regular and (hopefully) ass kicker and basically just all round regular mr awesome! ;) Hopefully, between the antics of FatShady, Chuloopa, Qumulys and myself, you wont think you've jumped on board the crazy train and abandon ship too early in the piece ;)
    We're really not all that bad once you get to know us! And you can take that to the bank... or buy it for a dollar.. whichever is more your forte!
    Seriously though, here's cheers to a new editor with a good hearty aussie 'up ya bum!'.
    Looking forward to all that the new blood shall bring!

    Banana going for TV repairman? You want the job? YOU GOT THE JOB BUDDY! YOU GOT THE JOB!

      LOL. Going to watch that movie again real soon... I forgot about this part! Funny.

    Are we moving to Scotland? I'm nervous Mum.

    -Welcome Big Rig.

    Congrats and welcome aboard! Kilts and all the danglies with it!

    Grats on the job!

    I'm already jealous of all the gaming swag you'll be drowning in...

    Congratulations, good sir! While you certainly have big shoes to fill, I am sure you will do so with style and aplomb. Welcome aboard. ^^

    Awesome! I remember when you were working for the Official Playstation Magazine, i think you even published one of my emails once, good to see you around again! :D

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