Welcome To Vending Machine Hell, Where You'll Be Threatened With Brutality

Castration. Cutting off fingers. Photos of your genitals shown publicly forever. These aren't just idle threats. They're vending machine threats. It's like a ring of Hell Dante missed, but with fizzy drinks and canned coffee.

There's a cluster of 15 vending machines in Tokyo's Akihabara, the city's gaming and geek district. The unmanned machines are in a ramshackle structure and sell drinks, snacks and condoms. They are covered with some truly brutal threats that aim to strike fear in the hearts of would-be vandals. Japanese sites Rocket News and Touch Tokyo waded in and checked them out. Let's have a look.

"Those who put posters on this machine, vandalise it or cover it in graffiti will have all 20 of their fingers and toes chopped off."

"To those graffiti offenders, it doesn't matter if you are male or female, your genitals will be cut out with a knife."

"Putting up posters is prohibited — I'll cut off your fingers."

"This is not a toilet. Those who defecate or urinate, regardless if they are male or female, will have photos and movies of their face and genitals shown publicly in perpetuity." Apparently, a "security firm" is monitoring a security camera around the clock — or so a sign says.

Goodness! While crime is generally low in Japan (even vandalism), it seems these unmanned vending machines have been targets — hence the threats. But there could be more to this.

There's a slight tinge of dark humour to these threats. As Japanese website Tokyo Touch points out, not all the signs are threats: One even states that the bottled water on sale will prevent diseases, while another points out, "Popping popcorn is OK, but popping caps with guns is not." Another sign points out that a particular chocolate snack was moved to a different vending machine.

Noted. All of this. Thanks.

秋葉原にある自販機コーナーの警告がヤバすぎるぞ! [Tokyo Touch] 秋葉原にはイタズラをすると... [ロケットニュース via はちま起稿]

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    i like how the condom machine is called "happy family life"

    I wish there was a drink machine on every corner in aus

      yeh agrees Aus vending machine is old and crap
      but i understand even if we started to have vending machine in every corner
      it will get vandalise stright away

        Indeed.. I was thinking just the other day how much vandalism and general disrespect of public and private property is holding this country back in regards to such things as convenience machines, advertising methods, and all the other tech you see splashed around Asian countries.. would be great to watch TV while standing at the bus stop.. or have TV/movies playing on trains (plug in your headphones to the socket next to your seat) and so on.. but it's just not going to happen any time soon. The amount of costs alone in repair and maintenance to damaged stuff would be outrageous let alone theft of the stuff.. It doesn't matter how good the tech gets, it's the vandals and thieves that are holding it back.. not the tech companies.

    huh.. well that's not such a big deal.

    It's not like it's saying "if you buy something you will be beaten if you don't pay triple."

    it's just saying "don't do shit that you're not supposed to be doing anyway," and so i reckon it's pretty fair.

    Put stuff like that in Aus and the fun police will cry offensive long before anyone gets they're jokes.

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