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There’s Something Strange About GTA V’s Yoga Clinic

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There’s Something Strange About GTA V’s Yoga Clinic

I’m no yoga expert — not by a long shot — but I am pretty sure the poses depicted in Grand Theft Auto V‘s newly updated Los Santos Travelogue aren’t on the up-and-up. This one’s “Downward Facing Camel”. The others are incredibly NSFW.

My wife does yoga, and I would have noticed this. Or maybe not. I tend to tune out when the yoga mat unfurls. Perhaps I should be paying more attention.

San Andreas practically invented yoga. It certainly invented the time honored tradition of the relaxing coffee enema. Whether it’s the Downward Dog pose or the more advanced Dropping Fire Log, there are many fulfilling and compromising positions you can contort yourself into with the help of an expert like Master Private Yoga Instructor, Fabien LaRouche.

Seems legit to me. Let’s see another pose. This one is called “Punching Starfish”.

There’s Something Strange About GTA V’s Yoga Clinic

A special pose that is both spiritual and mental, practiced in the Far East, popularised by the Greeks. It is a pose that requires discipline to be entered slowly, or injury may occur and cause a partner to weep and never attempt the pose again.

Now that just sounds dangerous, but then again most couples yoga seems dangerous to me. I certainly wouldn’t perform them without a spotter of some sort.

Ah good, they’ve gotten a spotter!

There’s Something Strange About GTA V’s Yoga Clinic

This deeply spiritual pose frequently begins with salutations with a potential partner to see if they are interested in stretching their mind and spirits after consuming some. Often requires a safe word.

Why would they need a safe word? They have a spotter.

OK, so upon further examination, this seems completely legit. Sorry to waste the time you could have spent checking out Los Santos’ exclusive country clubs and local artisans.

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