You kids today, with your video games and your loot caves. Maybe it’s time we talk about your real Destiny.
Reddit user TLCplMax posted the image above with the caption “This was part of a church sermon slideshow.” Whether it’s a prank, a mistake or real doesn’t matter — it’s still funny to imagine a pastor fervently googling Destiny in an attempt to speak to the kids in his flock.
As someone who suffered through countless Catholic middle school presentations of adults attempting to rap with young folks on their level through speed paintings of Jesus, folk songs and magic tricks, I feel it is my duty to imagine how this theoretical pitch might have gone down. So sit back, imagine I’m holding an acoustic guitar and enjoy.
• "Guardian? Sure you can be a guardian -- a guardian of the Word of God."
• "Want a legendary engram to decode? Try the engrams of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John."
• "Awoken? You're talkin' to one, pal."
• "Become Legend? Pffft. Jesus beat you to that."
• "Peter Dinklage is nice, but I think we all know who the real Holy Ghost is."
• "That wizard wasn't from the moon -- he was from Heaven!"
• "The Traveller might have converted Earth, but what about the time Jesus converted Paul while travelling on the road to Damascus?"
• "You wanna talk about Loot Caves? How about the cave that Christ rose from after dying on the cross?"
Feel free to throw your hip Christian Destiny pitches in the comments.
Note: I have the utmost respect for Christianity, I just think youth pastors Ned Flanders-ing out is going to be funny forever.